my finished play

[jansen]

this is a play I wrote for the drama club please tell me your honest opinion the more brutal the better
What should I add/ take out
what are things that i have done that I should avoid?
what are things you've looked for in this play, but were disappointed thatit wasn't there?

[dynodreamer]

Hello there Jansen;
Living here in Toronto I speak American style English so ...At first glance I'd say you're from Gianna.
 I'm not sure about being able to offer constructive criticism about your dialogue.
Other than to say you need to make sure the actors don't have to guess what it is they're going to be saying because you've left out words or misspelled them. You need to flesh the ACTION out a little more. Write instructions in the working script.  As a playwrite you have more freedom than a screenwriter to position the players with each scene just the way you imagine it. Especially as they might want you to over- see it. You can trim it back when you're ready to run it.
You need to make sure your timing is "spot on". Rehearse it out loud with a few friends and break it down with a stop watch.
I don't know where you get the idea that you can get away with seven separate scenes. Three is best unless you can effectively do a lighting black out and a fade in after each section and have it not seem annoying to your audience.  Timing is important to convey realism I believe and you can't rush any scenes that feature a change of heart or mind. You have to have a "BEAT" - a pause while your character slowly decides what is truth or not. Otherwise they have to protest two or three times. Most amateur actors have a tendency to rush the dialogue believing it's a plus. In any event the length of the final script is a major thing to consider.
Unless you've exhausted all the ways you can think of to improve the flow of the play ... I'd have to say you don't really have  a finished play yet.