Author Topic: Opening paragraph  (Read 6791 times)

Offline Zombiemouse

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 26
Re: Opening paragraph
« Reply #30 on: January 11, 2009, 02:52:54 PM »
If you don't care about that that's fine.  But making someone hate someone they first loved is just not a good idea.

Hate is probably not the right word.  I mean does anyone really hate Darth Vader?  I want the reader to like both 'sides' of the conflict, but identify with the logic of the 'good guys' and sympathize with the bad decisions of the 'bad guys'.  I just wanted to walk the reader down the path of what led to these extreme circumstances.  Does anyone here watch Dexter?  He's a serial killer that you can't help but love! 

Offline natyboops

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
    • www.thechildrenofcolor.com
Re: Opening paragraph
« Reply #31 on: January 11, 2009, 08:37:08 PM »
I liked the first beginning, had no trouble with the "big words"(I read Oliver Sacks with a dictionary by my side and felt all the richer for it.)  The character and voice of the narrator, of course, determines what words he will use.  In his case big words may be appropriate.  However, I felt more drawn in by the second beginning to your book---and I'm not even a fan of action / science fiction.  I would go with something more like this because it tells the actual story that the first beginning did...more "show" actually, and not so much "tell".  You are a fine writer.  Keep writing.
We must be the change we wish to see in the world ---Gandhi