Author Topic: Another one from the archives.  (Read 1148 times)

Offline Gyppo

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Another one from the archives.
« on: December 30, 2008, 06:38:23 PM »
Not everyone knows that our Special Air Services (SAS) also have a 'Territorial' equivalent. (Part time soldiers - real job). The chap I shall call 'M' was given a place, date and time to turn up for assessment.

Upon arrival he found no-one else in sight, a tall chain-link fence surrounding several huts in a sizeable plot of mixed terrain, and a very hefty looking gate with a single bell-push. After several pushes at the bell nothing had happened and he started to wonder if this was some kind of initiative test. He circled the fence to see if there was any other kind of entrance and found himself back at the tall gate, where he once again leaned on the bell-push, still with no result.

Convinced by now that it *was* an initiative test he circled the fence once more looking for any weaknesses, and eventually climbed it at the back of the camp, scrambling up and over with the casual ease of one who has often done the same to 'harvest' a few birds from a pheasant-rich estate.

Becoming increasingly self-conscious he roamed about the camp until he heard someone moving around in one of the huts, knocked the door, and entered in response to a crisply barked 'Enter'.

"Who the bloody hell are you?" Asked an 'Officer Type', busy with a pile of paperwork.

"I'm 'M', come for my assessment."

"The chap on the gate should be taking care of you."

"There was no-one there. I let myself in."

"You what!" The Officer jumped up. "Sit in my chair and stay there until someone comes for you. Someone is going to get an almighty bollocking..."

The "bollocking" was clearly audible and featured phrases such as "...could have been a bloody terrorist", "what the hell do you think you were doing, letting a bloody Civvy with a ribbon in his hair just stroll in through our security!"

Ten minutes later a burly squaddie with what 'M' describes as "a very obvious attitude problem" collected him from the office. It soon became obvious that he was, to coin a phrase, the 'Bollockee'.

"Right, go to that tree over there." About 200 yards away.

"Walk? Run? Crawl?" 'M' asked.

"Your choice. Just do it!"

'M' set off at a compromise jog, his pigtail bobbing, the squaddie easily keping pace alongside.

"Fifty press-ups." As soon as they arrived the squaddie threw himself on the ground and watched as 'M' pumped his way through the press-ups.

"Now, run back to where we started from, as fast as you can - carrying me!"

"Any particular method?"

"Your problem. You solve it!"

The squaddie lay on the floor as heavy and limp as an unconscious man, and 'M' found that picking him up was the most difficult part of the whole business. He probably weighed about 14 stone (200 pounds) and 'M' - despite a blacksmith's muscles - was quite a little fellow. But with the larger man draped across his shoulders he set off as fast as he could. The last 50 yards was "a bit of a stagger" and he admits "...I probably dumped my burden a little unceremoniously, but a trained man should know how to fall..."

After that some of the "attitude" vanished, but the tale of the 'damned civvy with a pigtail and a ribbon just strolling in' spread like wildfire and became something of a local legend.

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Offline thatollie

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Re: Another one from the archives.
« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2008, 11:46:59 PM »
Who's narrating this? Where's it from?

Not everyone knows that our Special Air Services (SAS) also have a 'Territorial' equivalent. (Part time soldiers - real job). The chap I shall call 'M' was given a place, date and time to turn up for assessment.

Not everyone knows that the SAS has a territorial equivalent. M's assessment took place at one of their bases.


Upon arrival he found no-one else in sight, a tall chain-link fence surrounding several huts in a sizeable plot of mixed terrain, and a very hefty looking gate with a single bell-push. After several pushes at the bell nothing had happened and he started to wonder if this was some kind of initiative test. He circled the fence to see if there was any other kind of entrance and found himself back at the tall gate, where he once again leaned on the bell-push, still with no result.


A chain link fence surrounded several huts on a sizeable plot of mixed terrain, and a hefty gate with a single bell-push. After a few pushes and no-one appearing, he wondered if this was an initiation test. He circled the fence to see if there was another entrance and returned to the tall gate, where he leaned on the bell-pus again, with no result.

The idea's pretty good, but the prose needs a major tune up.
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