Poll

tell me what you think

excellent
0 (0%)
good but needs work
0 (0%)
slow and dull
0 (0%)
sucks
1 (100%)

Total Members Voted: 1

Voting closed: January 28, 2009, 04:14:19 PM

Author Topic: Lines that come together  (Read 746 times)

Offline christruett28

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Lines that come together
« on: December 29, 2008, 04:14:19 PM »
hairs of thoughts found by microscopes of others
makers are structured from paper mache
fondling the light through windows of paint
rounding tips of frosty snowmen
purple blushes opening the sky
vowl to strectch around paste makers
I was aware of her innocence


Offline eric

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Re: Lines that come together
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2008, 10:40:34 PM »
i like your general style, chris.  i don't have a lot to say about this one, but i can say i do not like the last line; it is too telly and abstract i think.   check the next-to-last line for typos.  be careful with -ing verbs (lines 3, 4, 5)--they make a phrase too easy.  tell me what your reference to frosty snowmen means ...