Author Topic: 'Edward'...Comments glady wanted :) (Adult Language)  (Read 3177 times)

Offline Smellieellie

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'Edward'...Comments glady wanted :) (Adult Language)
« on: December 07, 2008, 04:38:45 PM »
Hey, this is quite a long piece but it's definatley my favourite thing I've wrritten. I'm hoping to write a whole story after this but am having some writers block :P

Comment if you like :)

The start is also on the 'Reveiw My Work' page:)


Edward, the name shattered through my brain like broken glass. Cutting me, deeper and deeper. He held no mercy, no salvation, no rescue from this curse that hung over me. I threw the picture across the room. The glass frame hitting the wood panelled skirting, breaking into a thousand unfixable pieces. Yet the photograph remained intact, the forever reminder of his existence. I ran to salvage the abandoned evidence, my feet cutting on the scattered glass, yet I could not let the beautiful photograph lie among shards of glass, alone.
Why could he still bring me so much unbearable pain? My head was throbbing with his constant image every time I shut my eyes, my fingers twisted into knots with every moment he was not there, my heart was dead. Beating its slow, steady rhythm, but it was dead. Dead to any emotion, dead to any love.

Except for him.

My heart knew he had gone. It could feel his presence every time he had bent down to kiss me. It could feel the moment he slipped through my fingers. Gone. Yet why did it keep beating? Why did it yearn for him, more and more each day he was not there? Couldn’t it see? Couldn’t it see what torture he was bringing to me even now? Why couldn’t my heart just stop beating?

The wind hit my face, cold, unforgiving. Dust blew into my eyes, I tried to blink it away yet it scratched them red raw. I didn’t care, I could barley notice it. The fields behind our little café stroke apartment were deserted. Like always. I could feel the warmth spreading out from the open back door into the frozen, broken field, yet I could not go back in there. Into where I lived with him on my mind. Into the house where he belonged. Into mine and Edwards world, our forever world.

This place I was now, this chilling, emotionless place, was better than in the house. In this place I could survive without him, I could reinvent myself; I could be whoever I wanted to be. Yet I could not be.
I stepped back inside. The artificial warmth smacked my face, hard. Shivers of fear and loneliness cascaded through my body. Another night, another lonely night in this cold, cold hell.

The phones shrill ring flooded into my ears. I sat upright, my mouth screaming, but yet again I could not remember the dream.
“Yes,” I said into the receiver, my body now awake with fear and adrenaline.
“It’s me” She said, sighing, “What are you doing?”
“Sleeping. Working. You?”
“Oh. Why? I’m fine, just a bit tired, working overtime I guess” I lied thickly through my clenched jaw. Working. I was not tired from working. I was tired from being. I was tired of being. I wanted to sleep forever, never again to wake to the fresh dawn of another empty day.
“Cassie, I know you’re lying. Dylan told me you hadn’t worked for a week. That’s not you”
“Why did you phone Dylan?”
“Because I’m scared of this, Cas. Scared of loosing you to this…” she paused, breathing in, wondering what to say “to this nothingness”
“Oh. Well I’m tired, like I said, I’m working tomorrow though. I needed a break. I’m fine.”
“Well if you don’t want to talk to me. Talk to Dylan.”
“No. Sophy, I’m fine. I need to sleep.”
I hung up the receiver before she could answer.

I was sitting on the sofa when he came up from the café at about midnight. Just staring, the T.V. was on, but I couldn’t register with the happy people prancing around, pretending to act.
“Cas, sweetie, I’m home,” Dylan opened the door, kicking away the letters that had been delivered early that morning that I hadn’t the energy to pick up.
“What did you say to Sophy?” I asked, suddenly awake, the T.V seemed louder now, as if the sound had been switched on.
“She phoned me down in the shop yesterday, I’m not going to lie to your best friend again. She’s just looking out for you, as I am” He came over and kissed my forehead.
“Oh.” My head turned back to the T.V, uninterested in what he had to say. He had lied before, why couldn’t he lie again? What prevented my father, who is supposed to love me, from doing the one thing I had asked him to do? Just lie. Lie, lie, lie. Lie to Sophy, lie to mom, lie to yourself. I am too busy to talk. I’m working. It’s fine.
He talked about the cafe as he pottered around the kitchen, the forever dropping sales, the ‘fucking rich business man who came in from New York just because he has heard how good the waffles are’. I couldn’t hear. Couldn’t understand the motives behind his mindless, stupid brain. How pointless this all was.

 I kept my promise to Sophy and I went to work the next day. The shower burned my neck, but when I turned it down the harsh cold water stung my body all over. I tied up my hair.
I pinned my name tag to my chest, like I used to do every morning. Every morning when I awoke smiling, remembering he would see me today.

I came down the stairs into our little café, Dylan was behind the counter. I could see him through the beaded curtain we hung up, separating the real world from our false-smiles and ‘friendly-faced service’. He turned when he heard me come down. We made eye contact, but he was serving a customer so mentioned nothing of my sudden appearance.

I never noticed if the café was full or empty. Never noticed if any of the regulars saw me, or spoke to me. Never noticed if Sophy came in. I gave all my tips to Dylan. I was just blank. I thought about nothing.
As the day ended and I went up the stairs to the real world, I realised this was life now. This endless blankness, this something of nothing, forever. This is what life is like for people without him. For those people who have never seen his golden hair, his wicked smile, his deep, green eyes. This is normal life. I want out.

« Last Edit: April 18, 2011, 03:38:10 PM by Maimi »
Never stop living...x

Offline dedelite

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Re: 'Edward'...Comments glady wanted :)
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2008, 05:12:25 PM »
Lovely,sad, tragic, honest. I have been through a similar situation and the deadness is so  hard to come back from.
Fantastically written, the adjectives were in place and seemed to fit where they needed to. I like your writing.


Offline Smellieellie

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Re: 'Edward'...Comments glady wanted :)
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2008, 05:23:26 PM »
Ah, thank you so much! :)

This is my favourite piece I've written and it's growing everyday. It means alot to me that you like it :)


Never stop living...x

Offline Hazel B

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Re: 'Edward'...Comments glady wanted :)
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2009, 06:41:26 AM »
I'm sorry you suffered such pain.  Good catharsis but i kind of also want a reward that uplifts me again.  You clearly have more to offer and look forward to reading about that too. 
Hazel B

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: 'Edward'...Comments glady wanted :)
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2009, 12:08:23 PM »
Smellieellie, I have never surfed, with or without a board. But I believe it must be something similar to reading your piece above.

You picked me up like a wave and carried me along, into shallow and deep troths between the waves, pulling me forward until you, at the end which isn't the end, left me panting on the wet sand.

MWC Charity Publications.>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's:

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi


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Re: 'Edward'...Comments glady wanted :)
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2009, 01:41:05 AM »
You say this is your favourite peice so far? After reading this, it did not surprise me anymore because this story was just lovely. I love it and you should be proud of your work.    ;D

I hope to see more of your posts on this board.  ;)


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Re: 'Edward'...Comments glady wanted :)
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2009, 06:00:23 PM »
This was wonderful, I really enjoyed it.  Great work.