Author Topic: The Job's Good : Micro flash  (Read 3762 times)

Offline Christopher Silva

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The Job's Good : Micro flash
« on: July 19, 2008, 05:44:24 AM »
Lucious sees her in the twilight and she's instantly dear to him. His dark hood low over his eyes he moves from one shadow to the next, stealthy and surefooted.

*

She's in a hurry, walking business like, determined. Checking her watch she doesn't notice the fleet shadow paralleling her.

Her mind's elsewhere remembering the pain and passion an hour ago. She thought he loved her, how could he? Oh, he was so embarrassed and cocky when she walked in on them. How long had he kept up this charade?

*
She turns left up twenty-first and vine, long legs tearing up the pavement.

The gate near, and the dark enclosed garden perfect. Taking a deep breath and backing into the shadows, his pulse thrumming. The gate's open, with her steps clacking ever closer. Muscles tightening, she appears - the grab is spotless, quick, no chance to scream. The starlight reflects off it as he takes her to the grass, pulse thrumming now, her eyes wide - white - huge as he envelopes her.

With quiet precision he closes the gate disappearing into the night a copper taste in his mouth; his grin crimson and cold.

_
« Last Edit: August 30, 2008, 03:57:05 PM by Christopher Silva »

Offline quixote

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2008, 05:07:46 PM »

Good stuff!
... his grin crimson and cold.

Q
Of every four words I write, I strike out three (N. Bolleau, 1636-1711)

“There is nothing more exhilarating than being shot at without result.” Winston Churchill

Offline Christopher Silva

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2008, 06:21:31 PM »
thanks

C

StrayDog

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #3 on: July 19, 2008, 06:28:25 PM »
Just because it's a short piece, doesn't mean you can sacrifice clarity and character building.
Tsk, tsk.

Offline Christopher Silva

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2008, 04:47:07 PM »
Ollie, the rest comes later ....  8)


C

Offline davidleejones13

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2008, 12:13:40 PM »
Chris,
Nice! Very intense...I loved it!
Now I have an urge to go drink a bloody mary, and I dont know why!

Lee

Offline eric

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #6 on: July 21, 2008, 01:45:02 PM »
Nice snapshot.  There are tense problems, Chris.  I wonder also about "dear;" if he's a rapist, I would have thought of it as a crime of violence, not passion.

Offline Christopher Silva

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #7 on: July 21, 2008, 04:16:21 PM »
he's not a rapist Eric. Please read the first of the serial, All in a Days Work.. 

Thanks Lee

Tense changes -  Tightened it up please read it again and tell me what you think.

Chris
« Last Edit: July 21, 2008, 04:23:49 PM by Christopher Silva »

Offline eric

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2008, 08:54:18 PM »
sorry Chris, my perceptive faculty's been slow lately.  and of course, there is that first volume I never looked at.  oh well, could he be a vampire?  "something rather bracing, I must say."  No, I will not, not, go back to the source to look. I've been feeling puny lately, that's my excuse!

speaking of catch-ups, thanks for this one.

As to the tenses, this version looks much better.
« Last Edit: July 21, 2008, 08:57:52 PM by eric »

Offline Christopher Silva

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2008, 05:41:10 AM »
Eric,  don't feel puny --  Your advice was good, and i thankyou for it. Come on man! chin up.

no excuses :-)

chris

Offline Ninny

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #10 on: July 22, 2008, 09:10:50 AM »
Brilliant!!  The bit where he envelops her.....urgh...made me shiver!

Just the effect you wanted to have on your readers!  Well done Chris!

Rowena   :)

Offline Christopher Silva

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #11 on: July 23, 2008, 08:53:01 AM »
Rowena, thanks. I love this character and his little mis-deeds .

Chris

Offline ma100

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #12 on: July 25, 2008, 07:13:03 AM »
Hi Chris,
 great creepy stuff again.
I enjoyed it mate ;)

Offline Christopher Silva

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #13 on: July 25, 2008, 05:07:38 PM »
Ma, thanks for taking a moment to read it.

C

Offline fire-fly

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Re: The Job's Good : Micro flash
« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2008, 05:46:53 AM »
Goose bumps Chris, thanks.  ;D ;D

I will have to go look for the others and have a good read.  ;)
I'm A Binge Thinker: Do It A Lot Somedays, Then Not Much At All.

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