Author Topic: Sherlock Jones - Battle of the Sexies  (Read 2928 times)

Offline SteveJ

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Sherlock Jones - Battle of the Sexies
« on: March 26, 2008, 05:57:30 PM »
Sherlock Jones - Battle of the Sexies - Part 1


INT. - SJ'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON

DAI IS SAT ON THE WINDOW LEDGE.

SJ IS SAT AT HIS DESK.

HE'S INTERVIEWING A SMARTLY-DRESSED WOMAN.

HE LOOKS AT SOME PIECES OF PAPER,

AND ADDRESSES MS EVANS:


SJ:
Ms Evans, It says here that you went to Oxford? Speedway??

DAI:
Haha, nice one, chief!

MS EVANS:
No, actually it was the the University.

SJ:
And they actually let you in there??

What were you, a dinner lady?

MS EVANS:
I took a degree there, I studied forensic science.

DAI:
Haven't I seen you on Page 3?

SJ:
Could be right there, Dai,

not bad for a brunette is she?

Anyway, I'm a busy man, and

I bet you have knitting to do or something,

so I'll get to the point -

I can offer you a cleaning job here, five quid an hour.

Our current cleaner, Mrs Daz, is hopeless;

how about it, love?

DAI:
You get extra for doing the bog

after Jonesy's been in there.

MS EVANS:
To be blunt, Mr Jones, I thought

that we could be partners.

SJ:
Well, I've thought about it too,

but not in front of Dai, eh?

I'll get us a hotel room tonight if you like?

DAI:
I don't mind if you

do it in front of me, honest...

MS EVANS:
I MEANT a partnership in your detective agency.

SJ:
Good God almighty!

Are you on crack?!?

I think you ought to lower

your sights a little, love,

after all, you're just a woman.

Besides, I can't have my office...

DAI:
OUR office!

SJ:
...MY office overrun with screamin' kids

and jealous husbands.


MS EVANS:
I don't have any children...or

husbands!

SJ:
No offence, but that's not natural -

are you a Libyan?




MS EVANS RISES RAPIDLY FROM HER CHAIR,

PREPARING TO WALK OUT OF THE OFFICE.




MS EVANS:
I've heard enough!

If you two idiots can run a

business here, then so can I!

You're going to have some

competition soon, Mister Jones.

DAI:
Ooooo, we're really scared!

SJ:
Do us a favour, love -

switch the toaster on before you

start cleaning the toilet.




MS EVANS LEAVE.

SJ & DAI STARE AT EACHOTHER.



SJ:
Well, that was entertaining.

DAI:
That woman's heading for a fall!

Getting ideas about her nation n' all!

SJ:
Too true, Dai.

I blame the Spice Girls -

women used to be content

to stay home ironing the kids,

now all of a sudden, they're

running for President and

wearing their old man's trousers!

It's unnatural!

Give her a week and she'll

be begging for that cleaning job.



WE SEE THE OFFICE CALENDAR.

CAMERA FOCUSES ON 'THE DATE,

THEN SWITCHES TO A WEEK LATER.



EXT. - STREET - AFTERNOON.

WE SEE SJ & DAI WALKING ALONG THE STREET.



SJ:
Christ, I can't believe it!

We haven't had a client in a week,

they're all going to Evans' Detective Agency!

DAI:
Aye...even the bloody psychics are consulting her now -

we're doomed!

SJ:
Not yet, mate, I've got a trick up my sleeve.

DAI:
If only we had a case of our own...

a special case that only we could solve...

SJ:
My God, Dai - you've just given

me an amazin' idea!

We'll fake an incredible crime,

and WE get to solve it -

it'll be in all the papers and on the telly!

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midnightcandle

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Re: Sherlock Jones - Battle of the Sexies
« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2008, 06:36:31 PM »
Very funny mate. Reminds me of a welshman I met on holiday once. He was having a great argument with his woman when he suddenly shut her up with (SJ type sarcasm) 'women should be seen and not heard.'

I get this comedy so much. Thanks for entertaining me once again. MC

Offline thatollie

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Re: Sherlock Jones - Battle of the Sexies
« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2008, 11:06:59 PM »
Steve, I was expecting more from you.
Never make a decision standing up.

Offline Wicked Redhead

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Re: Sherlock Jones - Battle of the Sexies
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2008, 09:55:36 PM »
Let me first say as i read this i wanted to jump into the page and strangle those two pinheads. The ending was kind of predictable, but it kept me entertained.
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