Author Topic: Your words. (angry poetry, need suggestions.)  (Read 4891 times)

Offline make-a-wish

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Re: Your words. (angry poetry, need suggestions.)
« Reply #15 on: July 03, 2008, 09:25:15 AM »
Thanks Saturnine

for clarifying for me. I agree that the comments are to relate to the poem with the intention of helping the writer to improve.

My previous comments were related to a writers personal life and relationships coming under scrutiny while the poem itself seemed to take a back seat.

I am okay with people telling me what they think, I do react but I'm not hostile, I like to speak my mind and I like to hear others do the same.

Thanks again for the guidance

Offline Amie

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Re: Your words. (angry poetry, need suggestions.)
« Reply #16 on: July 03, 2008, 12:26:34 PM »
My previous comments were related to a writers personal life and relationships coming under scrutiny while the poem itself seemed to take a back seat.

Ah, okay, I misunderstood you! Sorry about that. Yes, in general I agree, it's better to focus on the poem rather than speculate on someone's personal life. These guys are all friends though, so I suppose it's natural that they'd show some concern.

Anyway, I'll come back with a comment on the poem Christine, promise ;D
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka

Offline John Yamrus

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Re: Your words. (angry poetry, need suggestions.)
« Reply #17 on: July 03, 2008, 01:33:27 PM »
this is the first really decent poem of yours i've read.  head and shoulders above anything else you've posted.  it's probably because you're being truthful and writing from INSIDE yourself rather than trying to make something up, or create something "nice".  sure, the poem's raw, nasty and grating, but who ever said poems must only be about unicorns and faeries and babbling brooks and pink, smiling babies?  congratulations.
  good job.
yamrus
Since 1970 John's published 2 novels, 18 books of poetry, and had more than 1,300 poems published in mags around the world.   His new book, (his 20TH) called CAN'T STOP NOW! is available here:

http://www.epicrites.org/

Offline Wicked Redhead

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Re: Your words. (angry poetry, need suggestions.)
« Reply #18 on: July 03, 2008, 01:51:21 PM »
Thanks Yamrus.
http://christinekirchoff.wordpress.com/

Must be 18 or older to come on over and show some skin.

Offline John Yamrus

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Re: Your words. (angry poetry, need suggestions.)
« Reply #19 on: July 03, 2008, 02:05:02 PM »
you're quite welcome.
Since 1970 John's published 2 novels, 18 books of poetry, and had more than 1,300 poems published in mags around the world.   His new book, (his 20TH) called CAN'T STOP NOW! is available here:

http://www.epicrites.org/

Offline eric

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Re: Your words. (angry poetry, need suggestions.)
« Reply #20 on: July 03, 2008, 04:44:16 PM »
Well, again Yamrus said it.  What is so good about this one is that it comes from a well of raw emotion, not the emotion the poem talks about, but a real thing. It--while it did seem artifice in some ways as T and I both noted--gave your words a power and immediacy that had men falling all over themselves to help you before they even had their facts straight.  So I agree with JY right down the line, this is really good, and by the way it's a keeper--don't even think about getting rid of it.

The difference between this and the lousy emo things we see over and over on the boards is just that--the edge of truth and heart at work here.  It really is exceptional for a relatively inexperienced poet.

There are a number of things I would recommend you think about to sharpen this one up, but I think I will wait to do that in a little while.

Make-a-wish, just as you said I felt it was important to act on my gut feelings in this circumstance, and I am sure the same was true for Big T and Zoo.  Thank you for your support.  Normally you'd be completely right about airing the personal details and getting into disconcerting topics, of course, but as I mentioned, this was the exception.

Sat

 :)

Chris

*bite*   8)
« Last Edit: July 03, 2008, 05:29:34 PM by eric »

Offline Wicked Redhead

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Re: Your words. (angry poetry, need suggestions.)
« Reply #21 on: July 03, 2008, 06:08:33 PM »
Thank you, all of you, for everything.  ;D It brings hope to my heart to find some many people who actually care. Peace and love.

Chris

Returning the bite and adding a  :-*
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Offline make-a-wish

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Re: Your words. (angry poetry, need suggestions.)
« Reply #22 on: July 03, 2008, 09:58:37 PM »
eric

Seems we have all come to a good understanding and have learnt a few things along the way.
Love that you are all looking out for your friend, love that she knows you all care.

Christine

I agree with eric, please dont ditch that poem. Look at how much this poem has moved us all into varying forms of action. The choice is yours of course but I say let it live on.

Offline Wicked Redhead

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Re: Your words. (angry poetry, need suggestions.)
« Reply #23 on: July 03, 2008, 11:06:43 PM »
It will not be ditched.
Thanks make-a-wish.  :)

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