Author Topic: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)  (Read 2969 times)

Offline Gyppo

  • Esteemed Contributor
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 72246
  • I've been writing ever since I realised I could.
Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« on: May 31, 2008, 03:34:09 PM »
       I don't trust cordless mice, or free-roaming infra-red optical mice, and I most definitely don't trust anything which is described as a 'ball-less mouse'.

        Look at it this way, Chaps.  If you were described a ball-less would you be happy?  I'll wager you most definitely wouldn't.  You'd try to do something to prove your detractors wrong, wouldn't you?

        If all the ball-less ones did was pull a few  radical moves, surfing the desktop on a stolen highlighter pen, bob-sleighing down your cascading style sheets in a 'borrowed' .gif, or hang-gliding across the office on a makeshift aircraft made from windoze 'forms' and a few attachment-style 'paperclips' then I could live with that.

        But what if they decide to take a more direct reprisal?  Call me paranoid if you like, but my mouse is firmly corded and I've made sure he can't reach the door if ever I feel threatened enough to make a break for it.

        And... seeing as the computer shares my bedroom, I loop his cable up and secure him with a cable tie at night.  I mean, if he ever picks up on my research file about Thuggee (strangling techniques) whilst I'm browsing the web he may well decide to choke me with his cord whilst I'm sleeping.

        Mind you, my particular mouse is far from lacking in the ball department.  He even has a spare, just in case...  Sometimes I catch the shadow of a grin on the plastic just a way below his 'ears' as he realises he - possibly unique amongst computer mice - has more balls than most.

        ===== 
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline Andrewf

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8134
  • SciFi and Fantasy are my genre of choice.
Re: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2008, 03:40:13 PM »
 :D :D :D


Ahhh...  but that means that you have to clean your mouse's ball when it gets dirty   ;D
"If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion." - L. Long.

Tales from the Circle - A charitable read. http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?contributorId=1146002
Ask about eBook versions if required.

Offline Gyppo

  • Esteemed Contributor
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 72246
  • I've been writing ever since I realised I could.
Re: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2008, 04:08:06 PM »
:D :D :D


Ahhh...  but that means that you have to clean your mouse's ball when it gets dirty   ;D

There are far worse jobs in life ;-)

In truth the poor old fellow is coming to the end of his days, his ball (and the spare one) are no longer truly spherical.  Truly 'knackered' ;-)

Gyppo
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline thatLous

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3498
  • formerly ThatLouie ;)
Re: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2008, 04:18:14 PM »
Aah yes... the cordless mouse.

Nightmare, Gyppo, utter nightmare.


I agree with Andrew  ;D My mouse has no balls... they're too troublesome to clean. The only gripe I have about optical mouse(...es...?) is whenever the red light flashes on my eyes!

I'd then proceed to fall over my chair, sputtering madly and flailing my limbs about.

Offline Andrewf

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8134
  • SciFi and Fantasy are my genre of choice.
Re: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2008, 04:20:30 PM »
So don't look at the flashing red light Louie  :-\
"If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion." - L. Long.

Tales from the Circle - A charitable read. http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?contributorId=1146002
Ask about eBook versions if required.

Offline thatLous

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3498
  • formerly ThatLouie ;)
Re: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2008, 04:23:08 PM »
You know my parents told me that once. Except it was about not touching the hot part of the iron.

Guess what I did  ;D ;D ;D


I can't help it, I'm a rebel! 8)

Offline Andrewf

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8134
  • SciFi and Fantasy are my genre of choice.
Re: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2008, 04:25:32 PM »
Or you are the type of personality who won't take things at face value... you must test the validity of them.  You see a wet paint sign, you either touch it to see if it still is... or erm... make it wet ;D
"If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion." - L. Long.

Tales from the Circle - A charitable read. http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?contributorId=1146002
Ask about eBook versions if required.

Offline thatLous

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3498
  • formerly ThatLouie ;)
Re: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2008, 04:27:05 PM »
 ;D To be honest... I'd touch it, lol

See you all! :) And a humorous piece, Gyppo!  ;D

domenic

  • Guest
Re: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« Reply #8 on: June 03, 2008, 11:44:58 AM »
My mouse is a female...she is very compaq'd.

Offline Gyppo

  • Esteemed Contributor
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 72246
  • I've been writing ever since I realised I could.
Re: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2008, 04:45:05 PM »
Hi, Dom.

My own computer was very compaq'd about five years ago, but she grew, and grew.  Now there's only a few traces of the original slender Marie tucked away inside the sleek but sizeable tower.  Middle aged spread I guess.

I went shopping for a new mouse today.  I want one with the scroll wheel between his ears because I've got used to that set-up.  The local computer shop was sold out!  No mice at all, not even a cheap 'basic' mouse.  This strikes me as beiong similar to a tyre fitter being sold out of tyres.

"We've got some on order but I can't say when they'll be in."  I've long suspected this particular shop of carrying minimal stock in order to cut overheads, but whatever you want he normally has 'some coming in tomorrow' and seems to have overnight deliveries.

The local cheapjack shop has basic ones for a pound, but if need be I'll dig out one of my own old ones from the crate of 'not quite dead yet bits' and use that until I can get what I really want.

I ask you, sold out of mice ;-)

Gyppo
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline ma100

  • Esteemed Contributor
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 30526
  • I don't need kinky boots, nothing will beat me.
Re: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« Reply #10 on: June 04, 2008, 04:25:59 AM »
Gyppo
Yet again you have taken an every day object and turned it
into a humoress tale. I can even imagine you trying to make
a break for the door. ;D ;D
Good stuff
Mairi

Offline Spell Chick

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 49353
  • Choose well
    • Little Bits of History
Re: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2008, 08:06:29 PM »
I, myself, find ball-lessness to be okay    LOL

[hair fluff] Well, it works for me [/hair fluff]
Little Bits of History A short essay on something that happened on any day.

Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.

Offline Akeith (Gray)

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2583
  • Waiting for a drink...
Re: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« Reply #12 on: June 16, 2008, 03:47:39 AM »

Are you people trying to say that mice, I mean mouses, I mean a mouse...oh damn it all, the stupid thing that sits by the keyboard, clicks and has a little toy wheel on top, and pretends to slide around moving that pointer thing on the screen...have (has) a gender?  What the..., what have I been touching all this time?

Hello Gyppo

A very entertaining piece.  I'm still laughing and it has been 30 minutes now.

Gray

Offline Gyppo

  • Esteemed Contributor
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 72246
  • I've been writing ever since I realised I could.
Re: Short & Silly. About mice... Sort of.. (280 words)
« Reply #13 on: June 16, 2008, 08:59:26 AM »
Thirty minutes?  You've not been at the nitrous oxide as well have you?  Thirty minutes does seem a bit excessive.

Only mice with balls have a gender.  All others are quite androgenous and relatively harmless.

Gyppo
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1