Author Topic: A Galaxy Apart, 1 : Space stuff, super short  (Read 1749 times)

Offline Christopher Silva

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A Galaxy Apart, 1 : Space stuff, super short
« on: May 30, 2008, 05:44:56 AM »
The helion sign flickered and shed soft light on the dirty street. The blast doors were all down at this time of night and the dual moons of Tor reflected off puddles of unknown liquid offering just enough light for Kalen to see as he hurtled down the street. Gripping the device as he ran, his breath came in gasps and he could hear his heart pounding.

His grip tightening as he slipped and almost fell, the sound of a hover in the haze somewhere behind him made him put on more speed. Just a few more blocks and he’d be home free. Something crackled close to his ear. He smelled the bitter ions as they impacted with the air around him. He was being shot at.

He chanced a look and wished he’d never turned his head. The Hover was closing, blasters bright green from firing, and a hum could be heard as they were powering back up for the next volley.

Kalen ducked and turned a corner, darting into a small alley so dark he couldn’t see a damn thing. Luckily he’d been there before and pushed a big plexi-bin to the side and knelt hitting the keypad fast. With a soft whoosh a small panel slid open and he squirmed in.

Inside he hit the soft glowing button and the panel closed and disappeared. Above, the plexi-bin moved back in place and the alley was again dark and empty.

Kalen looked at the device and slid out a gar crystal from a recess in his cubby. He inserted the crystal into the lower part of the device and quickly entered the coordinates.  He felt an odd chill run through his body and a tingling in his head. His ears rang and all went black.

*

Soft light and focus.

His one room flat was its usual mess of tech trash and synth food packages lying in little piles. He stepped over to his workbench and pushed some junk into the small round plexi-bin and set down the device with a smile. He’d made it.

The Govies had transporters and they controlled them more than anything else in the galaxy. A brilliant Gurd named Rentox developed the transporter eight years ago when the Republic was still free. The Govs were quick to snatch it and make it non-public. “Just think,” they said. “A criminal with this tech, never. Not to mention what the Reb’s would do with it!”  So they squashed Rentox and wiped the patent from history. Very few, except for those in the scientific community even knew the transporter existed. Many wondered though, because the Patrollers could get from A to B just too damned fast.

Now the tables had turned.

__
Chris
« Last Edit: May 30, 2008, 08:30:18 AM by Christopher Silva »

Offline Christopher Silva

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Re: A Galaxy Apart, 1 : Space stuff, super short
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2008, 04:17:33 PM »
Domenic,  thanks for the break-down. I am not sure what I should do? Does reading the red part tell you I took a long time and thought about this before writing it?

I think the red parts are driven by action, but that's what the pace is in this segment of the tale.  -help .

Chris

Orpheus

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Re: A Galaxy Apart, 1 : Space stuff, super short
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2008, 07:20:45 PM »
Erm . . . Dominic's comments seem a little advanced for me. I thought the whole thing was great! This seems a typical sci-fi/thriller format whereby the plot is the most important aspect of the writing. It ain't Mark Twain, but it's not trying to be. :)

Offline ma100

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Re: A Galaxy Apart, 1 : Space stuff, super short
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2008, 05:37:53 AM »
I like this story Chris. I am afraid I am not sure Where
Dom is coming from, but maybe that is cos I am a bit
thick sometimes.
Keep up the good work
Mairi

Offline Christopher Silva

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Re: A Galaxy Apart, 1 : Space stuff, super short
« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2008, 11:22:56 AM »
Mairi and Orpheus, thanks for the comments. I am still reading the red bits and thinking hard ----Can you hear my pea-brain ticking..?

Orpheus, you got it right.

Chris
« Last Edit: June 02, 2008, 11:24:37 AM by Christopher Silva »