Author Topic: The Horde CH 7 - Escape from Zarcom (some swearing)  (Read 1317 times)

Hunter

  • Guest
The Horde CH 7 - Escape from Zarcom (some swearing)
« on: May 21, 2008, 05:20:21 AM »
m
« Last Edit: May 28, 2008, 04:44:10 PM by Hunter »

Offline ma100

  • Esteemed Contributor
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 30526
  • I don't need kinky boots, nothing will beat me.
Re: The Horde CH 7 - Escape from Zarcom (some swearing)
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2008, 05:43:27 AM »
Hey Hunter
Cor flippin' heck it is chase the post on here lol. ;D ;D

Okay! Caught my breath.  ;) This was a very good piece mate really enjoyed it. The descriptons were great and I was in there with the action. There was just a couple of nitty things that you might want to think about.

This bit here
Quote
Hunter turned and ran. He ran and ran...
seems you need a bit of a reword maybe. Also you have three paragraphs that you have Hunter as the start word together.

But a great read mate
well done
Mairi ;D