Author Topic: Enter, Azrael: The Story of a Mr. Creedy (Chapter III)- Horror (Adult Language)  (Read 3450 times)

Offline thatLous

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Previous Chapters:

Chapter I
Chapter II

Next Chapter:
Chapter IV (End)

... try to turn out the lights. I'm doing a little experiment ;D


Hello hello, people! I won't be up here no longer than a span of five minutes, popping in and out and whatnot, so I won't be able to go through the Review Your Work or The Gallery section for a while :( Sorry. This is also the last bit that I'll post up here before I once again plunge myself into a world of busy busy busy.

This isn't the last Chapter after all, as it will end on Chapter IV :)

Critiques are very welcome, and will be most appreciated, thank you.





Chapter III



A matchstick would burn until roughly around eighteen seconds before it would scald your fingers and make you drop the match stick with a pained jerk.

The flame flickered about the room with a faint orange glow, turning harmless shadows into warped faces of the damned, and Von had to tear himself away from the shadows that were like writhing bodies and screaming faces on the walls, pinning it on his disturbed imagination. He ignored the feelings of dread that nestled around the pit of his stomach and that strange feeling in the air that had not yet dissipated.

Von felt anxious to get out of here, but he won’t be able to do that if Alan kept burning his fingers every twenty seconds that he had to light one of his little matches.



The older man, his form square like a brute, but not quite tall (standing at around five foot eight of height), suffered from a mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder, which worked just fine for him so far considering what his job was. Von had been in this profession for more than twenty years, and it had only been recent that his work had started to become a little bit sloppy, due to the repetitiveness of the jobs given to him by Ms. T because of his age. Though mostly the reason for it was because of his guilt; the loves lost, to be more precise. Other than that sort of information, everything he did was supposed to be done proficiently, and with an air of finality.

The light from Alan’s match stick died.

Von took out a small flashlight, those little black ones that people could carry easily with their breast pockets anywhere, and turned it on, giving Alan a grim look of exasperation even though he can't see it.

Alan and his shaking hands were struggling to light another match when Von pointed the startling glare of his slim flashlight on the boy's face to gather his attention, “Alan, look at me. Stop shaking, boy, and breathe…” Von didn’t bother himself to approach him. Alan had to learn how to fend for himself sometimes. Von almost gave out a pleased murmur of encouragement but bit his tongue. He heard Alan swallow in a mouthful of air to calm himself, perhaps even subtle asking for a bit of comforting words... but he had to see it and he had no time for useless comforting. The hand was still there, but for whatever purpose he didn’t know.

It just hung there as the first time they saw it, and when he strode closer to it the severed appendage hung in front of his face perfectly. He peered closer, the claw like fingers almost grazing his forehead. What he mostly found odd about it was a mark hidden by the night and the secretive gray of the moonlight.

“Relax.” He said. Alan was still stuck to his spot near the door, still breathing heavily through his nose. “We’ll be just fine.”

“What are we gonna do? How are we gonna…” the boy wasn’t thinking straight. Lesson number one, Alan, don’t forget:

“Relax.” Von peered closer at the hand’s palm, where the mark was. He couldn’t identify what it was clearly, for it looked like one of those dots when you get an ink blot all over a well-varnished dining table. He hummed, “Try the door, boy.”

Alan did, and he gave it a mighty tug not before having a bit of trouble willing his petrified body to move, yet the door did not allow them the opportunity of an easy escape. Von thought he heard Alan whimper before he ran toward him in haste.

“Looks like we’re in stuck here after all.” Von almost sounded amused,

“We need to get out of here, Sir, we can’t… just die like this.”

“Relax.”

“I am fucking relaxing already –”

Von let out a displeased sound, and jerked his head towards the fear stricken Alan, “Don’t give me that tone, Mr. Azrael. We are going to get out of this. The house is going to let us out if we follow its rules.”

“And a beast has rules, now, does it?” Alan retorted.

But Von knew all too well the truth of the world, and he knew that this was no mere beast. He could tell. He knew what it wanted and what it was asking for. He had seen people, monsters with normal human faces, do this sort of thing before, and had even encountered a few of them himself, face to face. He turned back to the hand and pointed the head of his flashlight at another angle, this time letting the glaring lights poke through the curve of the clawed fingers of Mr. Creedy, letting the light dip precisely on the palm, “They all do.”

The black mark had a shape of a grinning skull’s head.



Von jerked back when he noticed the hand twitch slightly; he could have sworn that the fingers moved an inch from its rigor mortis. The older man turned toward his partner and regarded him with a calming look, as if to pacify Alan’s frustrations of their predicament. The boy was looking at the severed appendage darkly, “The door isn’t working, and that’s just fine. The thing just wants to play a game, and here –” Von pointed at the hand, “The hand just moved.”

There was a short beat when Alan stared at his mentor for a while with wide eyes, and he gave out a hesitant, if not a shuddering laugh.

“Did you see it?” Von asked,

“This is just crazy, and you know it.” Alan shook his head, “We should try the windows.”

“We’re not going any where,”

“There are no rules, goddammit,” The boy shivered and wrapped his arms around himself, “I just want to get the fuck out of here, okay?”

“Azrael, are you going to listen to your rookie sense of gut or – ”

The both heard something crack. This time they both saw the severed appendage move: like ice breaking into thousands of pieces, the bones beneath all the dead flesh crackled and let the fingers uncurl and stretch out, and like ink spilling upon the floor and creating random patterns on a marble floor, the skull’s head tattoo slightly spread out and made the miniature skull’s jaw move. At this, Von felt his mind snap and fall down to his belly. He ignored it, though, preferring to calm himself and concentrate on the game at hand. Play by the rules, he thought, or die.

But during all this he fell deaf from Alan’s scream, from his frantic run to the kitchens with not a light guiding him, letting his limbs tumble about from randomly placed firewood as he scrambled toward something tangible to believe in. He tried the windows and it didn’t budge… some holes that they could widen... but Von was too engrossed with the new discovery.

The bizarre head was seemingly spewing out silent words to him. But what was it saying? Was this the strange thing that everybody was wondering about? That Creedy died from? That decided their lives and how the game was supposed to be played? If so… why was it a death’s head? He couldn't hear the muffled words very well...


Jer- i- k- t- l- an...


Von finally recognized the shaking, pitiful ball a few feet away from him and the hand, basking in the makeshift light of his thin flashlight, “Alan, please, come over here.” The boy wouldn’t budge. Von sighed and moved toward him, giving the hand a last look, the skull an apologizing gaze, and let himself plop next to his shaking form.

Alan mumbled: “… weren’t supposed… to see…”

“Alan,” Von put a hand on the boy’s shoulder, ignoring the boy’s sudden jolt after being jerked out of his frightened state, “I’m here, Al. We need to get through this and work together.”


The boy didn’t budge, and they both stayed that way, mesmerized, for hours. He still didn’t know what the hell was going on.




Previous Chapters:

Chapter I
Chapter II


Edited: May 15, 2008
« Last Edit: April 18, 2011, 03:41:57 PM by Maimi »

Offline SteveJ

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Re: Enter, Azrael: The Story of a Mr. Creedy (Chapter III)- Horror
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2008, 03:17:47 PM »
This is really good stuff, Lou, and reads like a published novel.
Excellent :)
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Offline thatLous

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Re: Enter, Azrael: The Story of a Mr. Creedy (Chapter III)- Horror
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2008, 03:46:33 PM »
Thank you, Steve :)

I'm not that satisfied with this part, though-- it's supposed to be the 'calm before the storm', but in my opinion it's just too.... calm. Oh well, I can't wait to finally show the last bit.

disturbing, really, but beautifully so. I only hope that people wouldn't see me as this... strange strange disturbed human being


ps. it's final! I got the job to do a set of illustrations for this book! Whee... good god this is a great day for me!!!  ;D ;D ;D Sorry, I just got the news today and I'm so disgustingly happy that I could just dance right now (even if I couldn't).
pps. Cap'm the crew was eaten by  a whale shark :( And how are you feeling? I remember that you weren't feeling very well the other day...

Offline SteveJ

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Re: Enter, Azrael: The Story of a Mr. Creedy (Chapter III)- Horror
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2008, 03:47:42 PM »
I'm ok today, mate, thanks :)

That's magnificent news, Lou, very well done! :) :) :)
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Offline Ninny

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Re: Enter, Azrael: The Story of a Mr. Creedy (Chapter III)- Horror
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2008, 01:15:19 AM »
Hey Louie!! Thank for giving me the goose-bumps!! :o  Steve's right...this does look polished and professional!! (soo proud  ::))

I can see you setting the whole thing up nastily towards some evil finale!! ::) ::)

You evil little genious you!! ;D

Ninny :-*



Offline thatLous

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Re: Enter, Azrael: The Story of a Mr. Creedy (Chapter III)- Horror
« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2008, 01:23:19 AM »
Thanks Rowe...

Polished and professional? Dear lady, you're giving me goosebumps... ;D


Quote from:  Ninny Rowena
I can see you setting the whole thing up nastily towards some evil finale!!

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel disturbed while writing it. I'm actually glad that I feel this way toward it. It even made me gag when I wrote it down... I guess doing 'that' isn't exactly one of my favorite 'things'.

And I love it when we're talking gibberish ;D


Louie
    ... who is not really that much of a genius once you think about it (she says: 'I am only a sick person at heart') :)

Katang FlounderFig

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Re: Enter, Azrael: The Story of a Mr. Creedy (Chapter III)- Horror
« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2008, 12:43:15 PM »
AAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!
Louie,
Ya be havin a fine imagination ya do thar!
I enjoyed dis tale wid me favorite mug a rum. It made me sleep wid a nite light on (bear shaped)
Wat I am tryin to say lad...
It Shivered me timbers!
Well done!
*takes another swig from mug*
Well done indeed!

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Offline thatLous

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Re: Enter, Azrael: The Story of a Mr. Creedy (Chapter III)- Horror
« Reply #7 on: May 24, 2008, 07:01:44 AM »
 ;D ;D Thanks, err-

'Katang'

 ;)


Only four more weeks until I finish everything! Miss you all crazy bunch like a fig  :)

Hunter

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Re: Enter, Azrael: The Story of a Mr. Creedy (Chapter III)- Horror
« Reply #8 on: May 27, 2008, 06:45:39 PM »
I did read this Louie, and I thought the first paragraph in particular was brillaint. I didn't comment before because I didn't think people wanted their work reviewed on here. I thought the gallery was just a browsing place . . . I browsed.

Sorry

Offline thatLous

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Re: Enter, Azrael: The Story of a Mr. Creedy (Chapter III)- Horror
« Reply #9 on: May 27, 2008, 06:47:03 PM »
 ;D ;D Whut? What're you apologizing about? *hits Hunter with French bread* It's all right if you don't comment or anything! So it's fine  ;D Honestly not expecting anything wiv this-- and I've yet to comment on your stuff!

Hunter

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Re: Enter, Azrael: The Story of a Mr. Creedy (Chapter III)- Horror
« Reply #10 on: May 27, 2008, 06:51:59 PM »
You've done loaaads of my stuff. The chapters I've put on here were more for my benefit and I'm not looking for crits. I just want you to know I'm looking out for ya. :)