Author Topic: Existentialist Moments On My Sojourn Into Introspection  (Read 1565 times)

Offline SteveJ

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Existentialist Moments On My Sojourn Into Introspection
« on: May 14, 2008, 02:59:10 PM »
Existentialist Moments On My Sojourn Into Introspection

 Jed Lamborghini woke up one morning to find he was living in the Wild West.
He lit a consolatory cigarette and mused on his fate.
He looked down at his clothes; a sheriff's badge, spurs (not the football team),
a big hat, and those funny leather trousers the Village People used to wear.
Jed was momentarily confused, but then he remembered the reason for his dilemma:

 'It must have been caused by those Satanic time-travel rituals I performed.'

 His house was built on an Indian burial ground in Manchester, and now the
warriors' spirits had returned to make his life hell. He heard loud whooping
outside the double-glazing as the hidden Native Americans Indians danced
about, dressed in dayglo beads and loin cloths, naturellement.

 Jed decided he'd better settle his differences with them, so he opened the
window and spoke to the braves:

 "How. I come in piece. Keep the noise down, lads, there's kids asleep."

 Chief Ogabongo stepped forward, his moccassins (sp?) gleaming in
the Salford sun (not the newspaper, the one in the sky):

 "You heap big twat. Me um going to cut your head off with um tomahawk!
Death to all palefaces!!", roared the Chief, meaning business, and
hoping for the Booker Prize.

 "Hold your horses, Chief! I accidentally tore a hole in the time-space continuum -
it was an ACCIDENT!", said Jed, who didn't want to be dead.

 "Boll*cks", shouted the noble savage, and snapped his peace pipe on the garden fence.
He was having none of it, so Jed made up his mind to make amends, and make piece
with the makeshift promises he would now make.

 "How's about I get your happy hunting grounds back off the Yanks for you?"

 "How. How are um you going to do that um?", wondered Ogabongo, his feathery
head-dress wiggle-waggling in the wind like the lost dreams of Chatterton as
he snuffed it in his garrett (sp?)...


 "We will invade America - you on horses, me in my Astra!", lied Jed Ferrari, 36.

 Big Chief Ogabongo stuck up his tent and had a meeting with his bravest warriors.
The women made tea and curry while they talked. Ten minutes later, he opened
his flaps and walked out to tell Jed of his decision - but Jed was GONE (!).

 "Bugger...", moaned the Chief, "That heap big lying pile of s-"
« Last Edit: May 14, 2008, 03:05:47 PM by Steve08 »
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Offline Amie

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Re: Existentialist Moments On My Sojourn Into Introspection
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2008, 03:05:52 PM »
Brilliant ;D - I especially love the realistic dialogue ("you heap big twat" ;D )

Remember my role in inspiring this story when you become famous :)
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka

Offline thatLous

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Re: Existentialist Moments On My Sojourn Into Introspection
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2008, 03:16:10 PM »
 ;D Pass that peace pipe 'round thar, Steve!

Offline Annmarie

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Re: Existentialist Moments On My Sojourn Into Introspection
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2008, 09:03:53 AM »
 ;D Like Kafka. In chaps (those funny leather trousers you didn't know the name of).  ;D
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