Author Topic: Enter, Azrael: The Story of a Mr. Creedy (End)- Horror (Adult Language)  (Read 3627 times)

Offline thatLous

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All right... I talked myself into this.

It just wouldn't leave me anymore and I had to finish it ;D I couldn't work on my assignments because I kept feeling that there was something else that I had to attend to. I decided to end this now before it ate away my mind.

I never expected a bizarre ending like this. I had planned for a more... normal ending before, but then I thought that it'd be boring that way, and I had to do it. This story was supposed to be a challenge for me, and boy what a challenge it's been. Hopefully it's good enough, though-- so please point out what's missing :) Critiques are very welcome! Thanks all!




Chapter IV



And when Alan laid his head down his hand, elbows propped against his thighs, he said: “We should stay here until it gets brighter. I’m not moving from this spot.”

Von said nothing. He was still thinking of a way to get out. Alan sniffled and ran the back of his hand on his nose and said: “But I’m tired of all this pretending. I need to get my head clear and make a choice already.”

“Alan...?”

“There never were any rules. And…”

Alan raised his head and looked at the hand hanging on the door frame. The murmurs were getting louder and even more pronounced…

“Why did you do this to me, Creedy? I haven’t decided yet.” He told the hand. The gloom apparent in his voice, “It’s no use now… I didn’t want to do this, but he knows.”

The murmurs stopped suddenly as if it were afraid; the desperation that it once portrayed could still be sensed, however, when the hand swayed to and fro along with the threadlike wire.

Alan turned his head to look at Von and found the older man trying to deduct the situation in his mind. Alan knew that Von hated being confused. They both knew each other very well. But there were…

“No more second choices.”


Betrayal tonight was in its most perfect form. The triangle of deceit was set, and one more life was about to be snuffed out from its mortal shell.






Von was running…

“… fuck…”

… Down to a path through the woods; down where the darkness seemed to cluster through foliage of black trees and ice; down where he didn’t think would go anywhere further out of here. Von had been running in the forest for hours and he was feeling a bit faint and hot through his warm clothes. His car wasn’t working and he didn’t know how much time he had left.

Now you might be wondering what had happened during the last few moments of Von’s life, right after he ran away from the house. I will tell you, though this time I hesitate to reveal more from this story...


It actually explained a lot as to why Creedy was untouchable all these years; explained why he became better in his profession, invulnerable, and had become an outsider from the steady stream of society, and during all those times it seemed that Creedy gradually became tired of it all and had begun to search for a way out of the strange pact he had between Death. Alan had told him how Creedy broke their deal.



Von had subconsciously stood up to dust his pant trousers… getting ready to bolt when the perfect time came. It was now apparent who his enemy really was.

“He betrayed me.” Alan said, those otherworldly eyes of his glowing from the pale light coming from out the window. The midnight birds had stopped cawing outside, and the world seemed to stop revolving. Dusk wasn't going to arrive for him now. Von had turned off his flashlight when he realized that Alan wasn’t afraid of the dark after all.

Von curled his hands into fists. The truth had finally hit him, and the impact wasn’t at all pleasant for a lonely man like him, “So Alan had never existed.”

The figure before him, still in its human form, seemed to restrain itself from reaching out with a comforting hand. It hesitated for a while before it looked at him with a rather pensive gaze, until it slowly reached up, grabbed a handful of hairs on its head, and
pulled. A disgusting sound like tiny maggots wriggling on wet mud seemed to stand out from everything else. The human mask stripped away the very evidence of its humanity little by little, and within seconds Azrael’s face was gradually revealed: A bloody jaw, a pair of raw cheekbones that struggled to keep the skin upon it, and when its face was fully shown its muscles seemed to rot away. The blood dried up completely, leaving the figure with a head of a rotted cadaver like one of those dried bog mummies. The skin with the pallid blonde hair flopped on the ground with a pak – like hitting a thin stick on a wet cloth. The only confirmation that it had once been a very ambitious Alan Azrael were its hands still laden with pink flesh, and the suit with its blooming flowers of darkening blood.

“I am Alan.”

Von’s mouth tightened to a thin line, “You’re Death. You’re not a human.”

“… I am Alan.”

“So are you going to kill me,
Alan?”

The head tilted sideways while it seemed to ponder over the question. It hesitated and tentatively said: “Both of you were supposed to die today.”

Von swallowed a tight knot in his through and said: “… of course.” The older man nodded, a sense of acceptance filling a deep tear from a heartbreak left by the sword of his own killer.

“Azrael…” this time Von’s voice revealed a hidden pity for it, yet he found that he had to deny ‘Alan’ the consolation that he could’ve generously given, if not for the terrible circumstances between them, “Can I ask how he betrayed you?”

It paused, that thoughtful look in its eyes now clearer than ever, “He broke me.” it said, “I tried to not get involved too much. But humans are… and now…” Azrael shook its head as if willing some of its bad memories to go away, "Now his spirit haunts this house as punishment."




… this time Von didn’t have a plan.

He stopped when he happened to pass a frozen river before he fell to his knees, letting in some cold air to his over-worked lungs. His knees seemed to creak and there was a strange feeling of regret inside him.  

And Azrael was here, standing silent and still before him, the skull moving slightly beneath what was left of its human flesh, seemingly frowning behind that skull’s grin. Von’s legs suddenly sprang up against his will, and he felt his limbs walk near it on its own. He was too tired to have done it himself.

“Why did you do that?” it asked. If this wasn’t Death he would’ve mistaken it for a human with that accusing tone, and those familiar mannerisms that were undoubtedly human. It seemed to him almost hurt and annoyed with the way it gesticulated with its hands, and the way its voice, Alan's voice, wavered slightly when it spoke.

Von struggled to gather his wits and breathe, and he managed to force out some garbled string of words, “I didn’t… it’s not…”


But Azrael felt tired already, and excuses, it seemed, were not enough. So reaching out to lightly touch its finger tips on the man’s chest, right under his heart, Azrael began to suck away what was left of his soul’s eternity. At the back of its rotted head, though, it thought about how men would be immortals if they didn’t receive its touch; they could live forever without it. It was supposed to be a job, and it was something that wasn’t supposed to be pondered upon.

The temptation was there, but where was the discipline? A being like Death never made sins. It never had temptation; it wasn't supposed to because it didn't need it, and yet...

In the end Azrael couldn’t help it, and it did something that it had never done before. It had let him go. Death brought its icy fingers back, cradling it to its chest with its head bowed low. Von jerked back when he felt some sort of force drive his body away. It hit him hard on the chest, right on the sternum, and with the pain of his throbbing heart, the combination of it felt like an agony that those who were damned in hell would only feel. He almost doubled over on the freezing ground, but he held himself upright with those deadened legs of his. Von was still gasping from the steadily fading cardiac arrest, but he kept his hands away from kneading the horrible ache when he thought that it would only make it worse.

“Why can’t I kill you?” Azrael said this in its gentlest way, “Your time is supposed to be today.”

“You weren’t meant for human bonds, Death,” he whispered hoarsely, blood glowing on his lips, spilling down his chin like a thread, “It wasn’t meant for you. If you need to kill me, then please…”

Azrael looked down at the ground warily feet shifting slightly on the snow, very much like a human would.

“… No games.” It said. Yes, Azrael knew him well indeed. Von suddenly thought about how much it resembled a young man who was lost from the sense of direction that was given to him before the creation of man and time, “I need to do my job. I’ve done enough mistakes. I’ve made a fool of myself.”

Throughout the centuries some holes were bound to be filled… some things would evolve, and some beings could develop something that came from human beings. It was an unwelcome gift, Azrael thought.

A companionable silence gathered around them both.

It tried again, this time cautiously so as not to scare the man away, “Is it because of my form? Would you prefer it if I became someone else? Someone like…?”

“No.” Von shut his eyes closed tight, willing the terrible idea to go away, “You still don’t know what you’re doing.”

“Your wife? Please… don’t you want her?”

Von paused.

The end of Creedy’s tale was that when he had betrayed Azrael, it did something that it wasn’t supposed to. Its duties were forgotten, and what was left of it was something of a blind, seething rage and a bittersweet vendetta. A human relationship… a sort of twisted ‘camaraderie’ was destroyed between them both. And that was how Creedy died.

For a moment after the silence, it took a while for Von to realize that Azrael had moved, gradually, and that his lips were pressed intimately against a cadaver’s. The kiss was otherworldly, but not at all strange. Its leathery lips trailed a mark 'round his, and even if Von would describe it similar to kissing a decomposing corpse, the warmth was still present, and it tumbled around his mind and down to the ends of his spine. This was when realized that the human named Alan had alway existed.

Betrayal can only happen if you loved too much, after all. This time, though, Azrael couldn’t let go.

It whispered:“Don’t you want to have some fun first?”








THE END





... yep. Thanks for reading, everyone! :) I'm breaking to a cold sweat now. and yes, i've never actually done something this reckless before, but it fits the bill, i think.

who says being a writer's boring? i'm having a heartattack :D


*ducks and runs far far away*



Previous Chapters:

Chapter I
Chapter II
Chapter III


Edited: May 14, 2008 (Thank you Rowena :))
« Last Edit: April 18, 2011, 03:44:07 PM by Maimi »

Offline Ninny

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I'm speechless!  This is brilliant even by your normal brilliant standards!!  (Contraversial and perverse ending...good for you!) Very brave!
..familiar mannerisms that it was doing with his hands< in honesty I would put a full stop after mannnerisms and leave out the words in Italics...It'll give the preceding words more punch?  Might just be me!! 
And I'd play a bit more with that kiss ...stretch it out a little more....
Louie, the above are nit picks in a fantastic piece of work....Oh..and that picture....scarily wonderful.. :o

I give you a huge bouquet of roses Sweetie!! ;D :-*

Ninny

Offline thatLous

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Thank you for your eagle eye sight, lady Ninny!

I had to purge this out of me today since I couldn't do any work at all. Hope it's not too... jumbly ;D

I stopped with the kiss because I felt that strange feeling in my gut. I'll stretch it out :) You're right!


Quote
This is brilliant even by your normal brilliant standards!!  (Contraversial and perverse ending...good for you!) Very brave!

I hope that it doesn't offend anybody... this is the first time I ever became this bold. Usually stories like these are kept within the darkest parts of my 'My Ferrets' folder. I'm glad that you liked it, though :) I hope I didn't disappoint anybody, but if I compare this to the ending I had in mind, I guess that I'm satisfied with it.

with a bit of polishing. yep.



ps. hope that bouqet doesn't have any caterpillars in it  :-X

Offline Ninny

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It had worms in the bouquet!! ;D

Just remember Louie..the type of story you tell (not bland)  the person you are (not bland)!!

Dare to shock sometimes Louie...If no-one ever pushed the bounderies..we'd all be bland and very narrow-minded.  You're telling a shocking horror story...I for one, love to have my imagination stretched.
This is your story Louie.....I think you'll find it will be appreciated for the work of art that it is!

Now...I gotta go

Nitex  Ninny

Offline Andrewf

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Erm... Like... Wow!  :o

Really liked this Louie. A force of nature somehow gaining human feelings has been done before, but not like this. Oooh boy, not like this  ;D

"If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion." - L. Long.

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Offline thatLous

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... you know I put myself in my characters' shoes.

I kind of gagged when I wrote this story ;D

Aah- cannibals, blood, immorality, gore-- but kissing a cadaver? I'd bloody gag. Just great.

*head desk*

There goes my reputation as the strangest soul ever.

Offline Andrewf

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It wasnt the kiss...   it was what was implied was going to happen after the kiss...  :o :P :-\
"If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion." - L. Long.

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Offline thatLous

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... and, pray tell, how is that... going to work?

*cough*

Well.. er-- b- r- imean... Ahah!

It asked him: 'Don't you want your wife?'

;D Yep. or maybe not. perhaps von has a kink... nonono... yes. Yes he does. And they will!

.... Why am I analysing my own writing?

Offline Andrewf

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Because the story doesnt stop at the end of the book.

As a writer you still ask yourself "what happens next?" and then go on to answer...  ;D :D
"If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion." - L. Long.

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Offline SteveJ

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A first class piece of work, Lou.
Macabre, yet touching, and bloody well written.
Well done indeed, mate :)
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Offline thatLous

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... believe me, Andrew. I have gone beyond it.

i have.


the thing is that i am protecting you all from what I saw!

*thunder roars in the background*


ps. How's my dramatics? ;D Lightning-y, eh?

Offline Andrewf

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Eh....   a bit too flashy for my taste  ;) :D
"If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion." - L. Long.

Tales from the Circle - A charitable read. http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?contributorId=1146002
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Offline thatLous

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Thanks a bunch, Posh Pirate Cap'm Steve :)

I don't know about first class, though, but it sure felt that way when I was doing a re-enactment of Mister Von and his... yes. with it. yep. It was a wonderful experience; something that I will never forget.

And rowena told me to stretch out the kiss. Hmm. Pondering.


ps. Flashy=total win when it comes to dramatics ;D
« Last Edit: May 14, 2008, 04:51:26 PM by ThatGuy »

Offline thatLous

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Holy salmons going upstream from Lake Priscilla waters of the great beyond! I done it! I actually done it. After a hundred tries all year, I actually done it.

;D Albeit it's not perfection or anything, but I'm not going to lose my mind soon... three bloody hours of doing this thing and there is no way in hell I'm going to kiss it and all. I just showered for god's sakes  :D :D :D Here I dance with victorie...

*tap dances*




Alan Azrael, Death