Author Topic: Jo's back story . The stepfather.  (Read 9243 times)

midnightcandle

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #30 on: April 07, 2008, 03:07:37 PM »
I agree.

Offline ma100

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #31 on: April 07, 2008, 05:36:38 PM »
Gyppo You have given another take on this that I hadn't really considered.
Gosh I really have got a lot to think about. ???My post it notes on the wall
covers more wall than the wallpaper now.
Mairi

Offline SteveJ

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #32 on: April 08, 2008, 05:55:02 PM »
So SuperMa, have you had any deciding thoughts about the story's/character's direction?  :)
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Offline SteveJ

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #33 on: April 08, 2008, 07:11:25 PM »
Come on, Ma, spill the beans, missus ;D
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Offline The Write Stuff

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #34 on: April 09, 2008, 12:12:48 PM »
Hi, Mairi!

    Sorry I'm coming in so late.  I would have much rather been one of the first to tell you how magnificent your story is, but I've been sick with a boo-boo tummy--sorry! 

    Your story really touched me and I love the way it ended~I feel vindicated in a way.

    The feelings in this story all have such an authentic ring to them;  there is nothing counterfeit here at all.

    You are getting better all the time, Mairi.  Some of my favorite parts are:

Quote
Not a noisy, crisp snap that can be heard, but the silent twang of invisible twine of love that bound her to her mother. Thoughts rearranged themselves in her mind, like filed documents in order of importance...
and this:
Quote
Jo looked at the slimline grey demon, shouting at her to answer it.
and this:
Quote
It was at that moment when Jo looked into her sapphire eyes that mirrored hers and saw the sad glint that she realised Amy knew. 
and I love this:
Quote
Jo looked at her mother with ice cold steel in her eyes. The woman shrivelled in front of her.

     Gosh!  I've quoted almost your entire story!  Well, it's just so wonderful, Mairi, I can't say enough good about it.

     Keep up the awesome work!

     As ever, your biggest fan,
     Cynde    :)

 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He with make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5,6
"Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens." Jimi Hendrix

Offline ma100

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #35 on: April 09, 2008, 03:08:47 PM »
Gulp!! Cynde, I am lost for words.
Thank you so much.
Take care.
Mairi :)

Offline SteveJ

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #36 on: April 11, 2008, 06:34:48 AM »
The screenplay version of Mairi's story is available for viewing in the 'Review My Script' forum. :)
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Offline dedelite

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #37 on: April 12, 2008, 12:10:20 AM »
Ma,
I had such a wonderful childhood with loving parents and although we were poor, we had enough. I could fully hug my father and never dread it. My mom was my mentor.
I've been a nurse for 27 years and cannot believe the atrocities that humans commit on others. Especially that that can't fight back. I've worked against it all these years and it seems to be a larger problem now. I try to teach the kids empowerment over circumstances. and that they will be believed.
Most just go back and hide the problem till the next ER visit.
Very good write. Concise and to the point.
Did you perhaps know someone who went through the evil of abuse?

dedelite

Offline ma100

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #38 on: April 12, 2008, 04:40:50 AM »
Hi Dede
I had a poor but wonderful childhood to. My dad died when I was very young but was soon replaced by four over protective older brothers. They sheltered me from a lot of life and indeed I did'nt know this sort of thing went on until in my twenties. I have known
a few people that have been victims and although this is total fiction I wanted not to trivualise the issue. But since writing it last week I am shocked at how widespread it is and not just girls either.

But I have had my eyes opened this week it happens in families from all classes and is not just tied to one. But it is nothing new, it is just publicised more now. What upset me the most I think is the idea these kids think they have done something wrong to warrant these evil acts. Also the fact that though they have been abused, a lot still love the abuser and that is where their loyalty comes from. I don't know the answer to make things better for them, I wish I did.

This I think is where my story falls down if I hadn't made Jo snap, because in my mind if it had happened to me or my kids. I would now be an inmate of a maximum security prison. But that is very easy to say when it has never happened to you and not so easy for the poor victims that are terrified. In a perfect world...

Thanks for reading Dede
Mairi

Offline thatLous

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #39 on: May 09, 2008, 03:38:42 PM »
I love the part where she was watching Mrs. Johnson :) I could feel how Jo was feeling.

Heartbreaking, ma. I think that you have captured a 15 year old in this one. But let's see what I can say about em', maybe I can give some sort of new idea or something (mind you this is only a one kid's perspective using disconnected experiences, but let's see what I can remember)...

She'll be terribly secretive, bursting to share her darker secrets but when she finds out that she can't, well, she'll try to stop talking altogether. Did great on that :) The thing is that they depend on their parents to solve their problems. But if they can't solve it they'd try and solve it themselves (unless there would be others who are willing to help them). And if they depend on only themselves there would be mistakes.

When it came to Jo trying to speak to her mother (which was a great scene before the last scene with Ian. kind of like a last chance thing), I imagine that she'd be more desperate. I remember when I was desperate once when I tried to help my parents fix their problem, and I remember that I wrote em' a letter because it's the only way that I'd appear mature to them. A letter of desperation, you could say (I mean... my grades were suffering!!!). Begging for attention... begging for her to listen... and then there'd be the distancing yourself when it turns out that they didn't listen at all. They'd be horribly afraid, too, when trying to speak about some things to their parents.

It's great about how you captured her pain, Ma. For a teenager her home's her whole world, especially the lonesome ones, and if it's shaken they'd feel a great big weight on their shoulders. I was the kind of little kid who was like that, and when my parents would argue I'd hide under a table and pretend that I was somewhere else. A place to escape for a bit... oh, and it was nothing serious, they were just arguing about who took money from who's wallet  ::)

Just my two cents! This is only second-hand knowledge for me and all. Correct me if I'm wrong ;D


Louie

Offline ma100

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #40 on: May 09, 2008, 04:00:30 PM »
Hi Louie
Thank you for this very useful insight into a young persons mind. I was
one once but don't remember that far back. ;D Your information is
great.
Take care
Mairi

Offline SteveJ

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #41 on: May 09, 2008, 04:52:22 PM »
It's almost unbearable to read, but that is credit to your excellent writing, Ma.
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Offline Ninny

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #42 on: May 09, 2008, 07:16:05 PM »
It's a first read for me Ma..  It really got to me..a very disturbing story told powerfully....gritty stuff. I take my hat of to you Ma  (no pun intended! :D)
You really are a gifted writer.  Here, ..have some flowers  ;D

Offline ma100

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #43 on: May 10, 2008, 05:28:41 AM »
Hi Rowena
Thank you for your kindness and the
flowers. ;)
Mairi