Poll

I have a bunch of ideas for this story, but I feel this is a beautiful place the end it. Should I end it here, or should I risk ruining it by forging on?

Yes, End it here.
No, Show us more.

Author Topic: The Castle (Part 5)  (Read 4581 times)

davidleejones13

  • Guest
The Castle (Part 5)
« on: April 29, 2008, 02:11:29 AM »
The Castle, Part 5

Angela lay on the floor her back uncomfortable against the heavy oak doors of the master bedroom. The disembodied head that was the green glowing entity floated agonizingly slowly  towards her. She found, as hard as she tried to struggle, she was unable to move her arms or legs. Her heart pounded frantically within her ribcage and the flow of pumping adrenaline ached within the muscles of her extremities.

As the ghostly form got closer the room seemed to change. First, the air within the room grew heavy and hot, possessing a humid stickiness uncomfortable on her skin. Moans and screams came to her ears and, through the open windows, distant cannon fire and sporadic musket fire cut through the thick atmosphere. Moonlight was replaced by lantern light as Angela's eyes fixed on silky flowing curtains swaying on a light river breeze from the back yard.

The acrid smell of the lantern fuel was replaced and overwhelmed by a myriad of new fragrances. Mingled with the medicinal odor of chloroform, she smelled gunpowder, sweat and decay. The bitter taste of blood mingled with the sharp chalkiness of dust dancing upon her taste buds . 'Death,' her mind awkwardly contemplated the word. This room cried, echoed, reeked and tasted of it.

As the entity approached, his body materialized from the ethereal until his imposing form stood over her, solidly human. His eyes moved over her body hungrily taking in every inch within dancing lantern light. Even though she was fully clothed within the stifling atmosphere of the room, she had never felt so naked, or vulnerable.

The ghost held up a cattle horn and an evil smile spread across his rough, unshaven facial features.

"Before I have your legs," the evil laced voice resonated too loudly within her ears, " I will have you."

She struggled fruitlessly and confusion set in as he placed the cattle horn over her mouth. Chloroform. Even in her frantic state, her mind latched onto the smell from her ninth grade science class. What were they dissecting? Fear permeated her soul as she realized with the question her mind was already loosing rational thought.

The evil entity's smile grew broader as he began taking his coat off and his tongue flicked across his lips eagerly.  Angela watched emotionless as she was becoming detached from this odd reality. Her mind struggled unbelieving on the word 'reality.'

"This is not happening!"  Her brain railed against her dulled senses.

Suddenly from the center of the ghost's chest a shaft of dark metal ripped through his white crimson stained shirt from behind. The sprayed droplets of blood exploding outward hung in the air, defying gravity and reflecting lantern light to Angela's dimming eyes.

"How beautiful," she observed, as she strained to keep her eyes open. The ghost doctor's body slumped to the floor at her feet revealing the Union Soldier she had seen earlier holding his musket before him, the bayonet dripping blood.

"He shall never ravage you again Tillie," The ghost said and slowly faded away in the sudden moonlight. The doctors body faded away a moment later.

Angela slumped onto the dusty floor.  She could not hold the impending sleep off any longer, but before her eyes completely closed, the beeping sound of the pager afforded her a few more moments of wakefulness.

Angela moved her arm, which seemed almost too much effort to shoulder, and placed her hand into her pocket. She struggled to pull the device out and it took all of her might to depress the button and light up the crystal screen.

GOOD NIGHT EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH. SWEET DREAMS. RICHARD  1:13AM

She heard something sliding across the wood floor towards her from the direction of her sleeping bag on the opposite side of the room. To Angela's astonishment she saw the pocket watch moving towards her on it's own volition. It stopped in front of her face and then began rocking back and forth and stood itself up on its end. The lid popped opened and, in the moonlight,  Angela saw the second hand sweeping past the six.

"It's working again," her mind sluggishly formed the thought. The time read 1:13AM.

The rest of the night she slept there on the dusty floor. Several times during the night her eyes fluttered open responding to the sensation of someone stroking her hair. Before her sat the little girl's ghost, along with the ghost of a grizzled face, dark skin dwarf dressed in a torn and tattered jester's outfit. She heard the soft jingling of bells and for the first time that day or night, it did not bother her.

The sight of the ghosts did not frighten her for she could feel their intention with the immortal part of her being. Her soul felt they were there to guard and protect her while she slept. Content she was safe, she closed her eyes until morning found her snuggled under the blankets of her sleeping bag with only the dying embers of wood in the fireplace to greet her.

She sat up and looked around. The walls only held shredded wall paper, no blood. She turned to look at the bare patch behind her only to find bare wall where the soldier's name had been scratched yesterday. She looked up the wall to search for a non existent bullet hole.

She stretched and began gathering her belongings. A mournfulness ached in her soul but her numb mind could not figure out why. The overall creepiness of the house was replaced by an empty loneliness and she suddenly found herself unable to hold back a torrent of tears.

"Was it all just a dream?" Angela was looking around the room for some evidence of last nights experience when her eyes fixed on the journal.

"The drawings, of course!" She said to herself excitedly only to find the pages in between empty. Already the memories of last night seemed to be slipping away into analytical obscurity. She frantically searched for the one item that would solidify within her mind that the events of last evening had occurred. The watch.

Sadly, it was no where to be found. She packed up her gear and made her way to her car. As she reached the outside of the gate she looked back at the abandoned house behind the ancient moss covered oak. It no longer looked imposingly creepy to her, but stripped of it's personality, it's identity.

She breathed in a lung full of crisp salty coastal air and got into her car and started the engine. As she put her car into gear her pager went of. She depressed the break and looked on the screen.

WAKEY WAKEY, EGGS AND BACY! DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS NOW? RICHARD. 8:45AM

She looked back over at the house and asked herself the question over again. Angela do you believe in ghosts?

BEEP BEEP BEEP. She looked at the pager and received her immediate answer.

WE LOVE YOU ANGELA, COME BACK AND PLAY WITH US AGAIN. EMILY AND GRENAUCHE.

She looked up into her rearview mirror and, there on the dash underneath her back window, sat the small roughly sewn doll with the red button eyes, and faded orange yarn hair. As she drove away a smile parted her lips as a single solitary tear rolled down her cheek.







Offline Ninny

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3144
  • Writer of wrongs!!
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2008, 02:26:48 AM »
YOU MUST GO ON !! The ghostly voice was loud in Lees head.  YOU MUST CONTINUE WITH THIS GHOSTLY TALE!! THERE WILL BE NO PEACE FOR YOU UNLESS YOU CONTINUE!!  MAWHAHAHA......
Oh, Alright it's me.  But this is bloody good stuff and I like hiding behind the sofa...it's cosy...and you can have scooby snacks...  Lee! >:(  I have got one word for you......MORE!!...

Kirk  ::)

davidleejones13

  • Guest
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2008, 02:33:19 AM »
Rowena...I mean Kirk.
I am going to leave it up to the poll. I have several series I am in the middle of and, although this has been a complete blast to write, I am feeling some tugging in a different direction. I have more ideas here, and even a loose end or two that I left to expand on, but, I do not want to burn myself out on this story. THis just seems like a neat and clean getaway....FOR NOW.

Let me see what MWC thinks.
I think you have become my biggest fan Cap'm.
Thanks for reading my work.
I am going to go and hangout in the hideout for a few...

See you there,
Lee....I mean, SPOCK.


Offline ma100

  • Esteemed Contributor
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 30526
  • I don't need kinky boots, nothing will beat me.
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2008, 02:53:02 AM »
Lee this is very good mate, but now you have put me in a quandry.
Do I vote for end and get a new series or do I vote go on? ehmm!!
gonna have to think about that.
Mairi :)
I will be back

davidleejones13

  • Guest
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2008, 03:07:46 AM »
Thank you Ma.
I am not concentrating on anything NEW per se, I am just anxious to get back into Wizard War, or maybe Bartender Guy. I am glad you have kept up with this one. I think I had as much fun writing this as I did the whole TOOTHIE series.

I hope all is well with you.
Your YANK friend,
Lee

Offline ma100

  • Esteemed Contributor
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 30526
  • I don't need kinky boots, nothing will beat me.
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2008, 03:20:29 AM »
okay Lee I have voted. ;D

davidleejones13

  • Guest
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #6 on: April 29, 2008, 04:15:46 AM »
thanks Ma,
You guys are going to chain me to this story aren't ya?
I have about three to five more parts of it.
This may become a novellete.

But, seriously. I am just glad yall like it. As long as I
have a few keeping up with the story I will keep posting.

I may go do a couple chapters of Wizard War before picking
this back up though.

Thanks again.

Lee

Oh, BTW, did you see Chris is back?

Offline Solitaire

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 565
  • Monocerotis
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2008, 05:59:36 AM »
I voted to unchain you.  I think the ending as you have it here is perfect. 


Solitaire. 

davidleejones13

  • Guest
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2008, 11:30:30 AM »
Thank you Solitaire,
I really felt an air of fruition within the last three passages, it almost felt right like it had come full circle. There is alot more to be written about this story but why mess with it? Right? Do I sound convinced?

Thank you Solitaire for being here throughout on this one. I feel now that I am done with this string I can actually go and read other people's work. I do not feel trapped like Angela in the Castle anymore... ;)

Lee

Offline thatLous

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3498
  • formerly ThatLouie ;)
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2008, 11:45:46 AM »
Go what you feel, Lee! Where the wind takes you! It's all you, man. And when you feel like writing a next installment do so :) I mean, I've yet to complete reading it, but it's been brilliant so far, therefore your guts must be pointing perfectly to the North.


Louie

Offline SteveJ

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2239
  • A Writer's Christmas - Out Now!
    • Salvatore Publishing
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #10 on: April 29, 2008, 11:58:43 AM »
Lee, you have to go your own way, mate.
When I set up a poll about Salvatore House, I didn't realise that just ending the story
would still necessitate another 3000 words, let alone extending it! ;D
So make your decision based on an estimate of The Castle's length :)
A Writer's Christmas:
http://www.lulu.com/content/4931358



The Horde - Available Now:
http://www.lulu.com/content/4076371


davidleejones13

  • Guest
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #11 on: April 29, 2008, 12:02:24 PM »
Louie,
Thanks, I really do appreciate. I shall break out the compass and.....HEY! Who stole my compass.
ROWENA! Where in the hell is she. EVERYTIME she leaves the ship this Happens. ROWENA!?!?!

But SERIOUSLY. Thank you for the kind words. No matter what the polls tell me to do I feel Angela will someday visit Emily and Grenauche again. Who knows what mysteries she will uncover (foreshadowing)!?! I should really jot down some notes so I do not forget! ;D DOH! My journal is full of blue and red crayoned artwork (foreshadowing)! ;)

Lee

Offline thatLous

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3498
  • formerly ThatLouie ;)
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #12 on: April 29, 2008, 12:06:01 PM »
And that's what matters, Lee! Pulling out the breath from your readers, leading them on to false pretenses and... *slap*

Yes yes, it's just a mere slap. Slapping them and all. I see you more as a slappy kind of person.

davidleejones13

  • Guest
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #13 on: April 29, 2008, 12:09:01 PM »
Steve,
Thanks man. I am just torn between a good feeling stopping point (where it is), and having a lot more to tell on the subject. BUT, if I uncover the origin of all the ghost, which I have only hinted at so far, will that not take away some of the Mystique of the characters? I want to avoid this.
IT is just like when I went and saw HIGHLANDER. ONE OF THE MOST AWESOME MOVIES EVER....until.....HIGHLANDER 2. They explained the origins of the IMMORTALS and it absolutely ruined the MYSTIQUE of the whole first movie in less than three minutes of cinematic tripe.

See my dilemma, AND my long windedness. Steve, what shall I do my friend.
BTW, thanks for reading. You have been hanging around since part ONE and I really do appreciate it. ;D

Lee {a bit ADD today. sorry folks!}

davidleejones13

  • Guest
Re: The Castle (Part 5)
« Reply #14 on: April 29, 2008, 12:13:45 PM »
THATGUY...Louie (or your counterpart on the Enterprise),
That is one thing I do enjoy, slapping around the reader metaphorically speaking of course. The more twists and turns and surprise endings, the better. Nothing like a cliffhanger that ends with the person reading going "Whoa! (like Keano Reaves)" or "GNARLY! (like Sean Penn in FAST TIMES)"

Wow, other than dating myself that almost sounded half way intelligent. ;D

Thanks Louie!
Your fellow hideout member,
Lee