Author Topic: The Great Clown Strike: scene ii (until the end) some adult content  (Read 2616 times)

Offline Simon

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a newer draft of this play is posted below

(Lights up on empty stage, Frank and Larry walk on. They are examining their surroundings.)

Larry: This is it? Where are the kids?

Frank: Huh. Maybe they canceled.

(Bright light spotlight turns on)

Big Pumba: (Speaks with thick Russian accent) Hello Zonkers and Doodles. Very punctual, I like that.

Larry: Thank you.

Frank: It’s Frank and Larry by the way.

Big Pumba: You are Doodles and Zonkers or you are fertilizer.

Larry: Fertilizer?

Big Pumba: Yes!

Frank: He means we’ll be buried under the ground.

Big Pumba: Don’t tell me what I mean! But yes… generally I mean dead.

Larry: So where are the kids?

Big Pumba: Dead. (Pause) They are dead. (Pause) Ah ha ha ha ha! You see, I am funny like clown! This, my dear clowns, this is but a preliminary. You must make me laugh before you see Jimmy. As you can see I enjoy light hearted humour. I like to giggle like small boy seeing clown with head removed. Ah ha ha ha ha. I laugh, but this is true. They say truth is funny, is it not?

Frank: As clowns we believe that which is outside the realm of realism and truth is funny… for children. Your way is good too. Not so much… for children.

Big Pumba: Perhaps, clown, perhaps. Let us juggle. (Balls roll onstage from stage right).

Larry: We’re not really much for juggling. That’s more a 50’s clown thing.

Big Pumba: You will juggle or you shall be made as pillows for the fish.

Larry: Do you mean we’ll sleep with the fish?

Big Pumba: (Pause) No.

Frank: Well are we going to be fertilizer or fish food? Right? (Laughs nervously)

Big Pumba: This does not amuse me.

Frank: No. Bad joke. Let’s juggle, shall we?

(Frank and Larry do a terrible job of juggling. They finish and stand in silence.)

Larry: Mr. Pumba? Are you there?

Big Pumba: Yes.

(Pause)

Frank: We should really go… Larry, go.

Big Pumba: No! Clowns, funny clowns! You stay! You are wonderful. You make joke out of juggle! What else do you do?

Frank: (To Larry) Did you bring the balloons?

Larry: Yeah. (Pulls out balloons) What’s your favourite animal?

Big Pumba: The Poodle!

Larry: Well… Let’s say it’s a giraffe…

Big Pumba: What is the appeal of the giraffe? It simply munches on the trees.

(Long pause. Frank suddenly does the impression of the terrorist attack. Followed by silence.)

Frank: Larry… do the screaming thing… do the thing with your hand…
 
Larry: I don’t think this is the time.

Frank: Do it…

Big Pumba: You displease me clowns.

(Lights turn red, strange Russian music plays. Objects thrown from offstage at Frank and Larry. Larry cowers on the ground and cries and Frank screams.)

Frank: (Screaming) Stop crying Larry!

Larry: (Crying) Stop screaming!

(Frank holds Larry in front of the flying debris, Larry out in pain each time he is pelted)

Larry: (Crying) Stop it frank! Stop it!

Big Pumba: Stop!

(Music stops, debris ceases to fly. Larry and Frank continue fighting.)

Big Pumba: Please, you must stop! This… this is too much. HA!… ah ha ha ha ha. Ah HA HA HA HA HA!! This is very humorous. You… HA! You are very funny clowns! You, ironically, are killing me… with humour! AH! I too, am very, very funny. (Pause) I must become honest with you Zonkers and Doodles… there is something about Jimmy that you must know…

(Enter Bon-Bon, sober)

Bon-Bon: What is this...?

Frank: Fuck…

Larry: You… you set us up! (Pause) We were set up.

Frank: We trusted you Pumba…

Big Pumba: I have set no thing of such… up.

Bon-Bon: Is this what I think it is? Are you… are you?!

Big Pumba: Wait!

Bon-Bon: I knew it… I knew the two of you could never hold strong for the greater good. You are traitors to your people. You have committed the greatest offence a clown can ever commit. You have clearly brought joy to this man.

Frank: You can’t prove shit Bon-Bon!

Bon-Bon:  This is true, but I can still - 

Larry: We’re sorry Bon-Bon! We were terrible! We really were! We didn’t even mean to make him laugh … I was staying strong for the cause! Really… please, forgive me!

Frank: Larry… what the hell! Shut up!

Larry: No Frank. This is your fault. I never wanted to do this. Bon-Bon, he talked me into it. He tricked me. I’ve seen the error of my ways. We did entertain this man!

Bon-Bon: Oh. Well that simplifies matters. You are both sentenced to the cannon.

Big Pumba: Wait! Bon-Bon. You must listen to me. I, sadly, have heard tales of your terrors. It is of great importance that you hear what I have to say. I asked these clowns to be here today for a very important reason. In my home country, there is much war and death. I came to this country… for one simple reason. To collect the greatest clowns that this country has to offer. I would like to bring them back to my home country and share their comic genius to relieve the suffering and hatred of my people. You see, your art is essential to the well being of all mankind-

Bon-Bon: See! You see! That is why we cannot falter in our goal! Zonkers and Doodles, don’t you see now how close we are? Terror, suffering, Russian’s! This is great! This is exactly what we went on strike for. We can’t hold back now! We can’t give them an inch! They must be nearing the point of collapse. They now realize how much they need us!

Big Pumba: Can’t you see, Bon-Bon? You… you have become the terrorist. You have indeed sucked the happiness of the world away, and for what? For money? Ask yourself which is worth more. If you truly love your art, perhaps you shall reconsider?

(Frank and Larry go offstage and return with chairs, they sit)

Bon-Bon: What do you know about our struggle? What do you know about pain? So you’ve had a few civil wars in your country! Boo-hoo! We’re not being given any government grants! We need them in order to sustain ourselves and our art!

Big Pumba: This is what I feared. You have sold out. (Pause) I remember when you were just a young clown. Perhaps you don’t remember me Bon-Bon. Or should I call you Jimmy…

Bon-Bon: How do you know that name!

Big Pumba: You are half-man half-clown, are you not? Do you remember your mother? She was a natural clown. Born to entertain. How do you suppose such a thing as you were created, she had to mate with a real man. Tell me… what do you remember of your father?

Bon-Bon: I don’t really remember much… he was always behind this bright… light… (Pause) Papa?

Big Pumba: Little Jimmy. I met your mother on my clown collecting hunt. She was so beautiful… and funny. I remember you, you were a delightful child. You used to care for what you did. You used to take pride in making others happy… and then you turned 8. On that fateful birthday, I saw a change in you. You had no interest anymore in clown trick; it was all about the politics… the power of being a clown. The power over other clowns. That’s why I had to leave you. I couldn’t bare to watch that hatred build. You must understand –

Bon-Bon: How could you do that to me Papa!

Big Pumba: I never gave up on you. You see, I did indeed gather these clowns for the home land… but at the same time I wished that in my journeys I would find a clown… or clowns… so funny, so dedicated to the purity of their art form that they could return your love of being a clown. I think I’ve found them… Doodles and Zonkers.

Frank: Are you fucking kidding me?

Big-Pumba: Amuse my son as you once amused me. Make my little Jimmy’s stone face crack… with laughter. I’m not sure the metaphor… I’m not yet too comfortable in English… yes?

Larry: Do it Frank. The joke.

Frank: I guess now’s as good a time as any. Alright, so I get the kid up there right? I get the kid there –

Big Pumba: Crowd involvement. Good stuff.

Larry: Come on up Jimmy!

Bon-Bon: Well… alright. It’s still Bon-Bon though.

Frank: I’m going to need a pie. (Pie slides across the floor from offstage) Alright, so kid -

Larry: It’s Jimmy.

Frank: Right, Jimmy. Do you like pie?

Bon-Bon: No.

(Frank holds the pie up in the air, threatening to smash it in Bon-Bon’s face.)

Bon-Bon: The old pie joke. You’ve got to do better than that.

Frank: Bare with me. Alright, so… here it comes! Here comes the pie! (Slowly advances the pie toward his face, when it gets close enough, Larry kicks him in the crotch. They laugh hysterically, they collapse from laughter. Bon-Bon keels over.)

Larry: Ha! Eh Bon-Bon? Funny stuff? Right? We got you good!

(Bon-Bon rises to his feet)

Bon-Bon: Doodles, Zonkers.

Frank: Yeah?

Bon-Bon: Cannon. Now.

Larry: Yeah, OK. That’s fair.

(Bon-Bon begins to exit, they follow heads down)

Big Pumba: Wait! Jimmy! Wait!

Bon-Bon: My name is Bon-Bon.

Big Pumba: You cannot murder people for such small reasons –

Bon-Bon: That’s always been the difference between you and me dad. I’ve always killed people… you haven’t.

(Lights go Red and things fly at him, Bon-Bon walks to the light dimmer, slowly dims out The Big Pumba out of existence.)

Big Pumba: (Voice slowly fading) No… Jimmy! Jimmy! You can’t! You can’t!

Bon-Bon: Gotta stay true to the cause pops.

(Lights out, "death of a clown" plays)

The end
« Last Edit: May 09, 2008, 07:14:23 PM by Simon »

Offline Simon

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Re: The Great Clown Strike: scene ii (until the end)
« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2008, 07:11:36 PM »
We've redrafted it:


(Lights up on empty stage, Frank and Larry walk on. They are examining their surroundings.)

Larry: This is it? Where are the kids?

Frank: Huh. Maybe they cancelled.

(Bright light turns on, possibly with a shadow in the spotlight)

Big Pumba: (Speaks with thick Russian accent) Hello to the Zonkers and the Doodles. You are very punctual, I like that.

Larry: Thank you.

Frank: It’s Frank and Larry by the way.

Big Pumba: You are Doodles and Zonkers or you are fertilizer.

Larry: Fertilizer?

Big Pumba: Yes!

Frank: He means we’ll be buried under the ground.

Big Pumba: Don’t tell me what I mean! (Pause) But yes… I mean dead.

Larry: So where are the kids?

Big Pumba: Dead. (Pause) They are dead.

(Pause)

Larry: Oh my god… What happened?

Big Pumba: School bus accident. Very tragic, no? (Starts to break into laughter)

Frank: I’m sorry, are we missing something here?
 
Big Pumba: Ah ha ha ha ha! It is joke! You see I make the funny like clown! This, my dear clowns, this is but a preliminary. You must make me laugh before you see Jimmy. As you can see I enjoy light hearted humour. I like to giggle like small boy seeing clown with head removed. Ah ha ha ha ha. I laugh, but this is true. They say truth is funny, is it not? (Pause) Much too serious for clowns! Let us juggle! (Balls roll onstage from stage right).

Larry: We’re not really too good at the juggling thing.

Big Pumba: You will juggle or you shall be made as pillows for the fish!

Larry: Do you mean we’ll sleep with the fish?

Big Pumba: No.

Frank: Let’s juggle shall we?

Larry: Wait. Frank. Excuse me, Mr. Pumba? Could we have a moment?

Big Pumba: Very well, foolish clown. (Spotlight changes to normal lighting)

Larry: Frank, we can’t juggle! It’s a union regulated act!

Frank: Oh hell, you still going on about that Union stuff? How can you think about that right now? If he wants us to juggle, I really think we should juggle.

Larry: I don’t know Frank… it doesn’t feel right. It’s like stealing.

Frank: Yeah, and it will be a lot like stealing when the Big Pumba rips your heart out of your chest with his teeth. True story.

Larry: You’re so full of shit Frank! We have no idea what he’s capable of, I mean, we haven’t even seen him. (Spot light slowly starts to come on, Larry doesn’t notice) He’s stupid, alright? He’s like a child, with his little jokes…

Frank: Larry -

Larry: Ohhh no! I have a scary Russian accent! Look out! I have poor sentence structure! (In Russian accent) Me Big Pumba. Me speak like retard!

Frank: Fuck.

Larry: If anything, I think we should be afraid of Bon-Bon. Bon-Bon’s the kind of guy who would rip your heart out with his teeth. He’s a cold, malicious, sick bastard who will crush every soul in this world to get what he –

Big Pumba: Enough! You insult me. If you do not execute top notch juggle, Big Pumba will be much angered.

Frank: Well way to go Larry.

Larry: Why didn’t you say any-

Big Pumba: JUGGLE!

(Frank and Larry start to juggle, and do a terrible job. Once all the balls have fallen to the ground, they finish and stand in silence.)

Larry: Mr. Pumba? Are you there?

Big Pumba: Yes.

(Pause)

Frank: We should really go, thank you for your time Mr. Pumba! Larry, go.

Big Pumba: No! Clowns, funny clowns! You stay! You are wonderful. You make joke out of juggle! What else do you do?

Frank: (To Larry) did you bring the balloons?

Larry: Yeah. (Pulls out balloons) So Mr. Pumba, what’s your favourite animal?

Big Pumba: The Poodle!

Larry: Oh. (Pause) Well let’s say it’s a giraffe…

Big Pumba: What is the appeal of the giraffe? It simply munches on the trees.

(Long pause. Frank suddenly does the impression of the terrorist attack. Followed by silence.)

Frank: Larry… do the screaming thing… do the things with your hand…
 
Larry: I don’t think this is the time.

Frank: Do it!

Big Pumba: You displease me clowns. It is time for much Russian pain.

(Lights turn red, strange Russian (Comrade Z – Devotchka) music plays. Objects thrown from offstage at Frank and Larry. Suddenly two large mobsters come in from the sides and start to beat Larry and Frank with Bats. Larry cowers on the ground and cries and Frank screams.)

Frank: (Screaming) Stop crying Larry!

Larry: (Crying) Stop screaming!

(Frank holds Larry in front of the oncoming bat strikes)

Larry: (Crying) Stop it frank! Stop it!

Big Pumba: Stop!

( Music stops, and henchman return to offstage. One more object thrown at Larry. Larry and Frank are left writhing in pain on the ground.)

Big Pumba: Please, you must stop! This… this is too much. HA!… ah ha ha ha ha. Ah HA HA HA HA HA!! This is very humorous. You… HA! You are very funny clowns! You, ironically, are killing me… with humour. Rather than bats! AH! I too, am very, very funny. (Pause) I must become honest with you Zonkers and Doodles… there is something about Jimmy that you must know…

(Enter Bon-Bon)

Bon-Bon: What is this...?

Frank: Fuck…

Larry: You… you set us up! (Pause) We were set up.

Frank: We trusted you Pumba…

Big Pumba: I have set no thing of such… up.

Bon-Bon: No one set you up you morons! Do you know how obvious you are? Even when I’m piss drunk I can see right through you. We’ve been onto you for weeks. An Opera about clowns? The only theatre in town is right next to the bar! How stupid do I look? (Pause, Frank chuckles) Yeah. Laugh at the disfigured clown-man. Very mature. I knew the two of you could never hold strong for the greater good. You are traitors to your people!

Frank: You can’t prove shit Bon-Bon -

Larry: We’re sorry Bon-Bon! We were terrible! We really were! We didn’t even mean to make him laugh … I was staying strong for the cause! Really… please, forgive me!

Frank: Larry… what the hell? Shut your -

Larry: No Frank. This is your fault. I never wanted to do this. Bon-Bon, he talked me into it. He tricked me. I’ve seen the error of my ways. We did entertain this man…

Bon-Bon: Oh. Well that simplifies matters. You are both sentenced to the cannon.

Big Pumba: Before you do that, I plead that you listen to me. Do you know that when I was a boy, we had no clowns? We only had famine, war, hatred. Don’t you see how critical you are to society? How can you withhold such a thing?

Bon-Bon: Yes, perfect. You see? That is why we cannot falter in our goal. Zonkers and Doodles, don’t you see now how close we are? Terror, suffering, Russian’s, and sadness in the world… This is exactly what we went on strike for! We can’t hold back now! We can’t give them an inch! They must be nearing the point of collapse! They now realize how much they need us! There will be no more laughing children, or mildly amused adults! There will be no more sunlight, no more spring mornings, just darkness… and tears. Many tears. We have the power! Don’t you see how easy they are to control? To manipulate? (Laughs hysterically) They all laugh… they all laugh at the clowns. Yes, the funny, funny clowns. Be funnier Clown! Don’t be an angry clown! Nobody likes an angry clown! Be funny! Now who’s laughing? Once we have the power, we’ll pack them all into a tiny little car together, and make them drive around forever, confined to an existence of humility. They won’t dare laugh at the clowns will they? The funny, funny, awkwardly disfigured clown man! I’ll make them all wear the god damn nose! Then they can know, day in, day out, what it feels like… what it feels like to be a big joke. To be so damn sad… and you still have to smile. Smile for the children who kick your shins and call your balloons stupid. To smile for the man who laughs in your face and calls your life a joke. To sacrifice your dignity just to make ends meat.

(Long Pause)

Frank: What the hell are you talking about? I just need some money damn it! (Pause) I don’t care about some… some greater good. Or my dignity. I just want some freaking cash. My land-lord is driving me up the wall, what am I going to do, tell him I’m not making the month’s rent cause I can’t compromise the integrity of my art? You think he gives a crap? I have a kid, man. I have to pay child support. Plus I have my drinking and gambling problems… and then there’s bingo night. Yeah, I play bingo. So what? Sure it’s old fashioned, but I enjoy it. You know everyone’s always bashing bingo. They say it’s an old ladies game. You get a rush though man, I’m telling you. Oh! B-25! Uh oh! And I’ll get like… 5 cards going at once and on a good night –

Bon-Bon: Shut up! Shut your god damn mouth! I don’t care! I really don’t care! None of us care!

Larry: (puts his hand on Frank’s shoulder) I care buddy…

Frank: Oh it is so too late for that.

Big Pumba: Frank is of some truth… though there is much foolish irrelevance in his words, it is true, Bon-Bon. You have become monster… like I always feared you would.

Bon-Bon: What do you know about my struggle? Huh? What do you know about pain? Do you think you can just… show up and tell me how to run my Union! After all these years… you never supported me, you never supported my cause!

Big Pumba: You’ve always been my only cause… Jimmy.

Bon-Bon: Don’t say that! Don’t say that damn you! It’s not that easy, not after all these years. That’s not fair! It’s not that easy damn you!

Larry: What’s going on?

Big Pumba: I am sorry… I am sorry for being failure as father.

Bon-Bon: Yes. You are sorry, aren’t you? You’re sorry now that I have the power.

Frank: Wait. So Bon-Bon is Jimmy? That doesn’t make any sense at all! I thought Jimmy was 8. That’s what they said in all the stories…

Bon-Bon: Ah the stories. One of my most genius creations. I made the stories, and planted them in the clown community. If there’s one thing we’ve learned about clowns over the years, it’s that they love their gossip. I just planted the seed, and watched it grow. The goal was simple. I had to deter people from seeing my stupid father.

Larry: But why?

Bon-Bon: I don’t want to talk about it.

Big Pumba: Tell them. Tell them why I do what I do.

Bon-Bon: No.

Big Pumba: Jimmy…

Bon-Bon: No! And it’s Bon-Bon! I told you to call me Bon-Bon!

Big Pumba: Fine then, I’ll tell them. Jimmy’s mother was a clown. The most beautiful… the silliest clown I’d ever -

Bon-Bon: Dad!

Big Pumba: I’d ever made sex with. Born to entertain, a pure bred clown. How do you think such a thing as Jimmy is made? He was a delight as child. He used to laugh, he used to play. He used to love… being clown. To entertain was to live. And then… his mother passed on the day of his 8th birthday. He was never the same. He refused to be called Jimmy. From that day on, he was Bon-Bon. The clown who did not love to entertain… but to rule. So now, I seek clowns that are devoted enough to the purity of their art form to return Jimmy’s love of being a clown. That is where you come in. Zonkers and Doodles, the greatest clowns to ever live.

Larry: No. No… we’re not… we’re not great. Are you kidding? Look at us! Didn’t you… did you not see? Before? That was terrible. I’m a terrible clown. I’m scared most of the time. Clowns are not supposed to be scared. And Frank… well Frank’s an asshole, you heard him going on before. He just wants the money! You call that dedication to the purity of an art form? What are you insane? This is a mistake. Bon-Bon, we’ll just get out of here, and we’ll be true to the cause. Or just never be clowns again. (Takes off nose and offers it to Bon-Bon) Here, I’m turning in my nose. Frank, give him your nose.

Frank: No.

Larry: Frank!

Frank: No. I say Pumba’s right. We’re the best damn clowns that ever lived Larry.

Larry: Frank, what the hell are you talking about?

Big Pumba: Give them one chance Jimmy. One chance… I want my son back.

Bon-Bon: Fine. You get one shot. One shot. If I’m not impressed, then it’s to the cannon with both of you.

(Pause)

Frank: Let’s show him the joke.

Larry: I don’t know…

Frank: Just follow my lead. We need a pie.

(Pie slides across the floor from offstage)

Frank: OK, so I get the kid up here.

Big Pumba: Crowd involvement. Good stuff.

Frank: OK, so kid –

Larry: It’s Jimmy.

Frank: Right. Jimmy. Do you like pie Jimmy?

Bon-Bon: No.

(Frank threateningly holds the pie in the air)

Frank: No?

Bon-Bon: What? The pie gag? Looks like I’ll be having clown pancakes tonight.

Frank: Just bear with me. Alright, so… here it comes! Here comes the pie! (Slowly advances the pie toward Bon-Bon’s face.) Now! (Larry kicks Bon-Bon in the crotch. Bon-Bon is lifted off the ground, and then lands, unaffected.)

Larry: Oh my god… he has no balls.

Bon-Bon: It’s a cup. You moron. Have you two ever actually read the Union regulated acts? The Mississippi double cross pie crotch-kick switch act of 1976: Section G, page 24, line 13. No real clown leaves home without his cup. Of course, you two wouldn’t know anything about being real clowns would you? Well, that was fun. Shall we go to the cannon?

Frank: Pumba?

Big Pumba: I am sorry… I fear my son is lost cause. There is nothing to be done. I can not help you. No one can be helped any longer, no one can be saved from such reckless hatred. I will return to the homeland and do what I can there. Goodbye clowns. (Big-Pumba light fades)

(Bon-Bon walks offstage, Frank and Larry start to follow, speak as they walk offstage)

Frank: Mississippi double cross pie crotch-kick switch act of 1976? Why the hell didn’t you know about that Larry!

Larry: It’s a huge book! Have you even tried to read it?

Frank: I can’t read. Why do you think I’m a clown?

Larry: I can’t believe I’m getting launched out of a cannon because of you. Kick him in the balls and run. What a stupid idea.

Frank: Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t realize I was in the presence of clown greatness. Make the wrong balloon animal… ridiculous! You’re going first. I’m not going first.

Larry: Screw you Frank!

Bon-Bon: One of you go!

Larry: Stop pushing me!

(Cannon shot heard.)

Frank: Holy crap! (Pause) OK, OK, I’m getting in! Stop! Just relax. Alright. Wait a second. Just wait a damn second! (Pause) OK, go.

(Second Cannon shot heard. Lights down. Death of a clown plays)

The End