Author Topic: The Castle (Part 1)  (Read 3163 times)

davidleejones13

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The Castle (Part 1)
« on: April 20, 2008, 12:49:14 AM »
The following story was inspired by my best friend Michael Dodge, and
my new friend Steve Sweeney. Steve just completed an excellent ghost
story series, the Salvatore House, that reminded me of a story Mike told
me during our childhood. Here is a takeoff of that childhood story.

THE CASTLE Part One
 
Angela Dodge was a very Blockedytical person. Her belief system was
based in scientific fact and if the intangible was not readily
explained she dismissed it as fantasy. For this reason when her boss
at the Beaufort Herald asked for volunteers for a new expose piece,
she jumped at the opportunity when everyone else blanched.
 
The assignment was a simple one. Stay in the old mansion known as "The
Castle" down on Federal Street for just one night. Then write about
the experience. Having grown up in the old coastal cotton town, Angela
had heard the stories all throughout her youth, but her mind refused
the idea of the place being haunted.
 
She stood outside the rusty iron gate courtyard studying the old
facade with her sleeping bag tucked under one arm and her journal and
flashlight tucked under the other. The wealthy doctor's name who had
built the mansion in pre Civil War days escaped her mind, so she made
a mental note to do some historic research in the morning when she got
home.
 
What she did know was that the home was occupied and used as a Civil
War hospital by Union soldiers in the late 1800's. Now, as she stood
before the looming edifice, she felt as though she had stepped back
into that time. Behind a moss covered oak the mansions columned three
story front seemed to radiate history as if it possessed a
personality of it's own. Huge shuddered French windows, dusty from
decades of neglect, overlooked the overgrown courtyard.
 
The setting sun mottled the front of the Greek-style building through
the oak and palmetto trees in waning blood like colored light. Despite
her skeptic attitude, she could not help but shudder as she stepped
onto the cobbled walkway leading into the front yard.
 
Almost on cue a gust of wind blew off the Beaufort river and across
the mansion grounds into her face as if warning her not to approach
the house. Angela did not know if the sprouting goose pimples upon her
skin were from the chill wind or the growing pit of fear within her
stomach.
 
"C'mon Angela," she mumbled to herself trying to gather her composure,
"get yourself together girl. Nothing to fear but fear itself." Her
words came to her ears without much confidence, doing little to dispel
her growing anxiety.
 
As she admonished herself for being so jittery, Angela scanned the
darkened windows as she reached the wide wooden steps leading up to
the second story porch on the front of the house. When she stepped
onto the first step, another chill gust of wind, carrying the stink of
low tide, almost knocked Angela off her feet. As she reached for the
wooden rail to regain her balance she thought she spied a little girl
looking down on her from the third floor balcony. A second glance
revealed no one there.
 
"I must be getting spooked," she nervously laughed to herself and
ascended the stairs carefully stepping over rotted planks and holes.
At the top she came to a double oak door that stingily held onto a
last few flecks of time worn paint. The door slowly opened with a loud
creak as Angela crossed the weathered porch's deck boards.
 
"That's odd," she mumbled slightly unnerved, "must be the wind," she
dismissed the incident as timely chance. Angela cautiously stepped
inside "The Castle" and  began the only night she would spend in
the most haunted house in the Southern United States.

The Below picture is how the house looks today after the Mayor
of Beaufort bought and restored it in 1988.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2008, 01:50:49 AM by davidleejones13 »

Patron

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Re: The Castle (Part 1)
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2008, 01:30:10 AM »
Hello davidleejones13;

I liked the opening. However I would suggest maybe, a little more detail about our character Angela Dodge. As it seems she will be our main character, and as I read this I immediatly wanted to know more about her.

Maybe you have introduced her before, but I didn't get that take, from your introduction.

The rest of it sounds believable and and has a strong convincing tone.


Sincerely;


Patron

Offline Solitaire

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Re: The Castle (Part 1)
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2008, 08:07:40 AM »
Love it, David Lee--

I think there's plenty of time to let us get to know Angela in more depth in at the beginning of the next section.


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Offline SteveJ

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Re: The Castle (Part 1)
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2008, 08:30:51 AM »
Looking forward to reading more of this, Lee, it looks really promising. :)
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Offline ma100

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Re: The Castle (Part 1)
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2008, 08:49:10 AM »
Yep really good Lee
Well done
Mairi :)

davidleejones13

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Re: The Castle (Part 1)
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2008, 01:20:20 PM »
Thanks Ma,
I am just about done with part two. Just a bit more to go and a little tweeking and I shall post, probably in the wee hours. I am glad you liked it my dear.

Steve,
I hope it does not sound too much like Salvatore to this point. I was afraid of that. It is about to go into a different direction though. Its kind of hard writing about a place that isn't fictional. I need to add a disclaimer at the beginning eh? All characters fictional, although the history is factual. The real meat is coming up in the next two parts. Thanks for reading, and even more for liking...

Solitaire,
Thank you. I am glad you loved it. This is a flattering comment. Paron may be right, I might have to give her some more depth here. But thank you for being on my side, that was very nice ;) Also, thank you for reading my work, your comments are always so kind and uplifting.

Patron,
Thank you sir. This is one of the reasons why I love this site. It helps me tighten up my stories. You comment is very helpful because you made me realize Angela's character is a bit flat. I have about seven pages of notes on this story so I am going to forge on and get the rest of the story "on paper," then I shall go back and beef her up in the next edit. Thank you for your insight Patron.

Thank you all for reading. I have missed hanging around ;D

Lee

midnightcandle

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Re: The Castle (Part 1)
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2008, 04:33:35 PM »
Hiya dude. Love the story already. You know how to hook someone don't you?
Off to part 2 ;D

davidleejones13

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Re: The Castle (Part 1)
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2008, 11:52:17 PM »
Midnight,
Thanks. When my best friend told me the story this was based on, it was in the middle of the night at the side of the apartment complex pool. All was quiet and he was in the middle of the most intense part when someone decided they had to go to the corner store for some milk, bread or beer. When the poor guy put the key into his car door to unlock it, my friend and I jumped up scared out of our wits. This may be an early teen thing, but in this moment we both pointed mock "air" machine guns at the guy.
I do not know who was more scared at that moment. Us, or the guy who just saw two thirteen year olds pop up from behind a privacy fence pointing invisible weapons at his head.

Ah the good times.....

Offline Christopher Silva

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Re: The Castle (Part 1)
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2008, 04:36:16 AM »
Lee, nice start to something scary.... Good hook. Give me time to read the other chapters.

Chris
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davidleejones13

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Re: The Castle (Part 1)
« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2008, 04:40:04 AM »
Chris,
Great to have you back safe and sound. I look forward to seeing where you are going to take us. I can hardly wait!

Thanks for reading man.
If you have the choice between reading my stuff and writing.
WRITE my good man. GO ahead and thrill us and scare us.

Your friend,
Lee

Offline Christopher Silva

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Re: The Castle (Part 1)
« Reply #10 on: April 29, 2008, 07:58:09 AM »
I will do sir!

Chris
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