Author Topic: Loss of Self  (Read 1170 times)

Zetos Lapier

  • Guest
Loss of Self
« on: April 18, 2008, 01:54:39 PM »
The man's eyes looked over the horizon, he didn't remember how he had gotten to that point, didn't even remember what he was going to do when he was there. All he knew was that the edge of the cliff was in front of him, a small sized diary like book in his hand right hand. In the other hand though, there was a small bundle of 5 or 6 sheets of paper. Each page from the small bundle had beautiful calligraphy; each word was sized perfectly with each other. Though he seemed to be calm up there, his mind was going crazy with thoughts.

His index finger was stuck in a certain page on the larger book, slowly he placed the large one down on the rocky soil beside him, a tear was coming to his eyes, and a shuddering sigh escaped his lips. If you were to watch him do this, you would see the concentration of how he placed it down, and made sure that the page his finger was in, was the only page that was showing. The diary type book was all written with computer print, and was all in bold lettering; though there was no outstanding reason for this he had one.

Looking once more over the cliff he threw the left hand up, letting go of the small bundle of papers. They flew in the wind high over head, being pushed along by the thermals as the man winced inwardly. Taking a step forward towards the edge of the cliff, his gaze shifted down towards the base of the canyon. In his own mind, he was already dead, in truth, it felt as if he had died long before. Now his physical body was following suit. It was going to be re-united with his mind and spirit, which had once dwelt deep within.

One more step forward, that was all that the man needed to take. He was willing, it was time, or so he thought, with a last step he found himself plummeting towards the earth. Through all the pain and heartache, he had no fear though, he pushed it down his throat, and it was too late anyways. What he didn't know was that a girl named Abigail had ran up follow him. When she saw him about to jump she tried to yell, but there was no sound from her throat, fear had clenched the vocals, and she was unable to speak.

Slowly she sat down in a daze, grabbing the book with the large print on it. Taking a deep breath she began to read it,
"I have met someone today, it was the most satisfying time of my life, never has there been such an amazing girl that entered my life. I wish that I could tell her everything I see, I only wish that I could tell her everything that I feel. How my heart throbs only for her. That my skin shivers in joy from the very time that she touches me with a finger, to when she holds me closely. I think for once in my life that I've found the right one. She makes my heart skip a beat."

"I wonder if she knows every time that she tells me she loves me, I take that close to my heart, and I give my heart more and more to her. I have never doubted her love for myself, she seems to catch me in indescribable moments, of love, the love that you know will last forever, the kind that never ends. My friends said that I was obsessed with her in high school, but I wasn't obsessed with her, we were obsessed with each other. Our love is stronger then the mountains themselves, and no one could ever break what we have. I know this is going to last."


That was just a small piece of the page; the man had been talking about her, and it hurt so much she could read no more. Looking down at her loves body mangled on the ground. The tears she shed began to stain her face, breathing deep as she looked on in shock, wishing that it was only a dream, waiting to wake up from the horrible nightmare. Suddenly the paper he had released into the sky, flew back in the wind. At first she thought it was a bird coming at her, but as it came closer, she noticed that it was actually a small fluttering thing of paper. Throwing her hands forwards, the lady caught the small bundle, looking it over in complete silence.

"I've been having this strange feeling for the past little while, that my love has become farther and farther away from me. I feel as if I don't even know her anymore, it's like I'm some kind of distant island in her life. I've seen her with this one guy every once in awhile, they always seem to be flirting with each other, I trust her though, 'cause I love her. Last time I talked to her, she seemed to make me feel a bit better, promising me that she would never do anything of the sort. Even when I'm completely afraid she seems to know the way to make me smile, and laugh. I don't know what it is about her, maybe she's a magic creature of some sort. I guess I'll just wait to find out for myself."

"(Filter of word), I should've never trusted that damn girl, she goes off and breaks my heart. This is the second time I saw her flirting with that guy, and the first time I've seen her kiss him. I can't believe it, I thought that she was something special, but she's exactly like all the others who I knew. Just a gold-digger, just wants to get in and out without having any commitment whatsoever, and then they find the worst way to destroy a person. Why does this sort of thing seem to happen to me, I can't believe it. It hurts so bad, I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest and stomped on over and over again!"

"Oh whoa is me, I talked to her about this, and I did it as calm as I could to. She threw a fit, then told me, that the whole time she never loved me, telling me that I was worthless. I can't believe I believed her all those times that she told me I was really worth it. I was such an idiot to think that anyone would ever really love me. Maybe she was right about what she said. I'm not worth having around, I'm just a loser, someone who's there to be stepped on... I hate this, I hate her, I hate this life, I can't believe it. 3 years straight and she decided that she would just slap me and walk away. Adding insult to injury is what I call it."

"I've been trying to get through this pain, and I've been failing, I insult her at every turn as she tries to rip into me. I plan on payback and revenge, to destroy her and make that silly girl fall down. I have no heart, she was right, I'm not worth loving, and because of that, I have no love. I find that it will be easier this way. I enjoy watching the others who cause me pain in pain. I thought that I was a nice guy before. I don't care if people hate me because I rip into her, but maybe they'd figure out that I do it so that I can stay alive. I wish that somebody else would see into mind, and set me free from this pain, instead of making me listen to this crap of how I'm wicked."

"Does no one understand that I really am a guy with a heart? Does anyone at all, understand that I really do have feelings? Or am I just their personal punching bag, do I just take on these challenges for no reason? I can't fight this on my own, I have no power, I have no strength. I can feel my heart becoming weak. I can feel myself beginning to leave my own body. Can you see it as well? I know you're reading this Abigail. I tried to get rid of it, but there seems to be a coincidence that everything I do, is known by you, maybe because I trusted you so much before. Even after you destroyed everything that I knew, I loved you. I really did... I wish you felt the same for me, but I should've known that you didn't. You're probably laughing over this, saying that I was really worthless, but that's ok, I still love you."


The small bundle of papers were tearstained more then before. She was crying, trying to stop the tears from flowing as she shook her head, wailing in grief as the recognition of how badly she had hurt him finally set in.
Looking over the edge, to the body once more she began whispering quietly. "I love you, I love you. Come back to me, please! Come back to me!" Abigail finished in a loud wail once more as she fell face first into the dirt, on the higher cliff. Pounding the ground with her clenched fist, tears turning the soil into a mud-like substance beneath her. Trying to breathe at the same time as her heart began to beat fast. The purple skirt covered in dirt, and her shirt turning brown from the muck.
« Last Edit: April 18, 2008, 08:55:20 PM by Zetos Lapier »

domenic

  • Guest
Re: Loss of Self
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2008, 04:41:44 PM »
Good writing Zetos,
I think you ment to say his gaze shifted up toward the sky?




Taking a step forward towards the edge of the cliff, his gaze shifted down towards the sky.

Zetos Lapier

  • Guest
Re: Loss of Self
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2008, 06:55:00 PM »
No it was meant to be, "the base of the canyon" instead of sky. ^_^ I'll get around to spell-checking and finishing this soon.
^_^

Offline Solitaire

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 565
  • Monocerotis
Re: Loss of Self
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2008, 07:20:21 PM »
The man's eyes looked over the horizon, he didn't remember how he had gotten to that point, didn't even remember what he was going to do when at the top. All he knew, was that the edge of the cliff was in front of him, a small sized book in his hand. In the other hand though, there were a few pages, each with beautiful calligraphy, each word was well done, and sized perfectly with the others. Though he seemed to be calm up there, his mind whirled with speed, as his index finger was stuck in a certain page on the larger book.

Slowly he placed the large one down on the rocky soil beside him, a tear was coming to his eyes, a shuddering sigh. If you were to watch him do this, you would see the percission, and how he placed it down, and made sure that the page his finger was in, was the only page that was showing. The large computer print was all in bold on that page though, there was no reason for this, and it was confusing how he had gone from typed, to hand-written.



(I will finish this later)

Hi, Zetos

There is a lot of wonderful imagery in this piece, but I must concur with your hero in the quote above.  "It was confusing".  You speak of pages in one hand, then he places the large one (book?) down on the soil.  And there are other inconsistencies elsewhere that I am sure you will see when you review to finish.

It might be useful to read this aloud to yourself, then do what your inner editor tells you to do.

I'd be interested to see the addition when you have it.  Is this a short story or part of a novel?


Solitaire
 

Zetos Lapier

  • Guest
Re: Loss of Self
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2008, 08:56:50 PM »
Well I finally added it on, a few hours later. No, this is not part of a novel, though knowing that most my novels start as short stories. It probably will become a novel sooner or later.