Author Topic: Jo's back story . The stepfather.  (Read 9407 times)

Offline ma100

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Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« on: April 05, 2008, 06:17:02 PM »
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« Last Edit: March 21, 2011, 08:50:39 PM by ma100 »

Offline SteveJ

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2008, 06:36:51 PM »
Excellent, satisfying story - satisfying because Jo got her revenge on those so-called parents.
It's very true-to-life but that's it's strength, because despite it's gruesome subject, it's uplfiting in the end.

Great work, Ma :) :)
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Offline pastrami

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2008, 06:38:17 PM »
Mairi,

What can I say that I've not said before. It is excellent.

When reading I thought the para's 2,3,4 were slowing the beginning ( But that's me ). In hindsight they are right for the piece. Then the switch to dialogue is great. 

A heavy subject to take on but you cracked it. So glad the old man got it.

(Between you and me I think you're getting too good. Can you slow down a bit and let us catch up?  :-*)

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Offline Solitaire

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2008, 06:46:15 PM »
Your descriptions of the stepfather really made him evil--he even smelled evil.

The dialogue is crisp and real.

I think it's excellent.


Solitaire


Offline ma100

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2008, 07:48:11 PM »
Hi Steve
Thank you mate ;)

Hi Pas
Between me and you I found this really hard to do. I didn't
want to show too much as I found it quite upsetting. I just
hope I have'nt shown too much.
Pas you and me muddle along in our own way and I think
we are keeping up with each other. ;)

Hi Solitaire
That is so kind of you. Thank you.

Take care all
Mairi :)

Offline Gyppo

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2008, 07:54:20 PM »
So that's who the chip pan research was for.  The sod deserved it.

A nicely crafted atmosphere of brooding evil, and I liked the quiet snap in Jo's head.

The little touch witht the phone 'the slimline grey demon' was a good one too.  When you know a phone is going to bring unwelcome news it does take on a malevolence all of its own.

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #6 on: April 05, 2008, 08:03:19 PM »
Like they said, good one Mairi. ;D

Offline ma100

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #7 on: April 05, 2008, 08:10:03 PM »
Yes Gyppo, now you can see why she had to be able
to get away with it. But bloomin' heck it was tricky.

Thankyou for reading it.  :)

and thanks to you as well Paul :)
Mairi

Offline fire-fly

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #8 on: April 05, 2008, 10:56:35 PM »
I still have goosebumps Ma, I really love this one.  :-*
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Offline ma100

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2008, 03:04:30 AM »
Thank you so much Fire-fly. ;)
Mairi

Offline Smiley

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2008, 04:35:03 AM »
Hi Mairi,

A chilling read - you tackled a difficult subject well and brought it to a just ending.

Ian got everything he deserved.

Well done, you.

Smiley x  :)
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Offline jojohnson

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #11 on: April 06, 2008, 05:05:10 AM »
Well done Mrs! I especially like the characters names, I wonder where on earth you could have got them from???? ;)
I have read loads of books about this subject, you know the type 'A Child Called It' for example and even though the subject matter is very similar in all, they never fail to shock and appall me, it's nice to find a strong female who has taken charge of the situation. If only it was that easy!! x

midnightcandle

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #12 on: April 06, 2008, 05:42:52 AM »
Go girl. You rock  ;D

Offline ma100

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #13 on: April 06, 2008, 08:51:13 AM »
Hi Smiley
 
Thank you Smiley. Yes he sure did. I had a very lucky childhood
and never new any of this sort of thing went on until I was in
my twenties. Thank you for reading.

hehe

Hi Jo. Good names yep  ??? Yes it would. I wish for the poor people
that have had to go through this only a wonderful life for their future.
Thanks for the chaos you caused in my brain Mrs.... ;D

Hi Mid
Thank you

davidleejones13

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Re: Jo's back story . The stepfather.
« Reply #14 on: April 06, 2008, 11:21:10 AM »
Ma,
You really have outdone yourself on this one, I think it is your best work yet. That evil old stepfather got his just deserts. As everyone has stated, and I agree wholeheartedly with them, excellent story.

"She knew once and for all her mother was never going to help her, and as that thought passed something snapped inside her. Not a noisy, crisp snap that can be heard, but the silent twang of invisible twine of love that bound her to her mother. Thoughts rearranged themselves in her mind, like filed documents in order of importance..."

That part was absolutely beautiful...

Good Job Ma.

Lee