Author Topic: Old Remake - Old name: The Dream / New name: Not Chosen Yet  (Read 950 times)

Zetos Lapier

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Old Remake - Old name: The Dream / New name: Not Chosen Yet
« on: April 02, 2008, 05:57:41 PM »
Very old writing thing that I did, it is the length of a good sized novel, not too large, not too small. I wrote the book at the age of 12, but I am rewriting it with detail, and a bit more experience now, and hopefully one day it shall be published.

            The young man could hear his father calling from the door of his house, “Zetos, come
here!” Making his way over to the entrance he looked to the older man, a small smile crossing his
red lips, blue eyes sparkling with a questioning glance, “Yeah?” The words were quick, crooking
his head so his left ear was just about to touch his left shoulder, a loud popping sound coming
forth from the area. Wincing from the moment of time. “What did you want me for?” His father
was taking sweet time to answer though, the older mans right hand rising to his beard, scratching
at it thoughtfully as he looked off into the woods.

            “You see that bear over there son?” A smile was slowly forming across the fathers features, it was slightly wicked, but still had a bit of that caring father look with it. “Yeah dad?”
“I want you to keep it away from the house.” That was the only command that was given, now
Zetos knew that his father was going out in a while, and his mother was already out, so he’d be all alone
in the area, last time a bear had attacked the house they had to repair the wood and such, since the
beasts were just huge things, ripping into whatever their large claws could grip and feel.

            “Alright then dad.” A small chuckle rose from the young mans throat, his blue eyes taking
in the large black bears form, seeing the red stained paws, as if blood had dried onto the coat in
those areas.

            His father then got into the truck, slamming the door behind him as he placed his key in
the ignition. Turning it, the loud sound of the engine rumbled in the slightly secluded area, the
bear was suddenly on alert, everything about it changed. Without warning the beast began to act
strange, ripping at the ground, snorting as it’s breath was shown on the wind, floating over the

            The boys hand wrapped about the dagger that rested on his side, slowly pulling it from
the sheath. He had trained for a long time with his throwing knives, a dead eye shot, never
missed, always caught his target. Sometimes it took a few extra shots because the animal was one
with thicker skin, but he never missed. Turning slowly Zetos let down his guard, not expecting
what happened next. The echoing of large paws crashing against the earth, the snorting of a large
beast behind him.

            With a quick and graceful turn of his body, the blue eyes were set on the black and brown behemoth
that was towering over him, a sigh leaving from deep within. Pulling the dagger slowly from it’s
sheath, fingers wrapping tight about the hilt as he watched the right fore-paw raise into the air,
coming straight for him. Jumping back quickly, the tips of the claws cut into his chest, as a
return, he pushed forward with the sharpened metal, cutting deep into the paw, before pulling
back, blood flinging from the beautiful steel.

            “Bring it...” That was all he uttered before the animal was in the air, aiming for the
smaller frame that was before him. All his weight was brought downwards, teeth gnashing and
shredding into the man, blood pouring from the body. The bear continued its brutal attack on
Zetos, screams of agony left the boy. With one final defiant yell the dagger was thrust into the
air, piercing deep into the stomach of the bear. Pulling upwards blood and intestines spilled out,
Zetos pulling himself out with the last burst of adrenaline.

            Turning to look at the nasty scene, his world became blurry, and began to spin about him.
Feeling extremely light-headed he keeled over, throwing-up blood he fell backwards, eyes
closing tightly as he passed out on the ground. All he could hear as he began to fall into the
darkness, was the sound of his mothers car pulling in from the long dirt road.
« Last Edit: April 03, 2008, 01:25:46 PM by Zetos Lapier »


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Re: Old Remake - Old name: The Dream / New name: Not Chosen Yet
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2008, 06:06:22 PM »
You've got some great description in there, It's a nicely written piece.

One thing though, and it's not criticism as such, try to put more white spaces in it, it'll be easier on the eye, especially when you're reading it off a forum.

Good job though, look forward to reading more of your work. :)

Shellie x

Zetos Lapier

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Re: Old Remake - Old name: The Dream / New name: Not Chosen Yet
« Reply #2 on: April 03, 2008, 01:28:39 PM »
Aye thank you for the good input from th both of you's and I will try o fix it up a bit more, the facts about the white bear were wrong, I knew that. I just wanted to see if I could get the hollywood feel going on in there. ^_^ Anyways, yeah I know of attacks where a black bear has been killed by a knife, happened to a guy over here, in beautiful B.C. with all our mountains. He died shortly after he got to the hospital though, so I know that you can survive a black bears attack, barely, but you can.

Offline JP

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Re: Old Remake - Old name: The Dream / New name: Not Chosen Yet
« Reply #3 on: April 03, 2008, 02:24:02 PM »
Zetos, I've been swatted at twice by black bears.  One connected and nearly gutted me.  Luckly he was a few inches short and all I needed were a few stiches and a clean pair of shorts.  Most blacks aren't dangerous and will run from us humans.  Every once in awhile you will run into one that hasn't read that book yet and then you have a problem. 

I found this very difficult to read, laid out as it is but it was good enough to force me to finish.  That tells you something right there.  Love this kind of story!
Live well, playing the cards delt to you and every once in awhile bluff!