Fear of flying

[PaulW]

Turbulence is fun?

Yep, just scream with every bump, it's just like the big dipper at the fair, and the faces of the other passengers is a treat... It's also an excuse to throw your drink over the head of the git in front who's been slamming the back of the seat against you as they bounce up and down all through the journey.

Also, pointing out of the window and screaming 'It's a DRAGON!' has a great effect. Well... I say great. It's not as much fun when they handcuff you until you land but... Ok, probably not my best idea.

[thatLous]

Indeed, Paul, after hours of being bored out of your wits.

'It's a DRAGON!' Isn't that much effective anymore. People would just stare at you. But if you say, 'Is something beeping?'- well, that's a different story

... not that anything beeps, Xerika, honestly

[PaulW]

I always wanted to take a grim reaper outfit on the plane with me, just for laughs. Getting the scythe through security was a bitch though.

[Lin]

Coming back from Australia I experienced a terrible argument between a man and  what I assumed was his wife.   He never said a word all the way through the flight and kept reading the newspaper.   The more he did this the louder she became and kept shouting and hitting him, eventually the crew came and asked her to sit down and shut up.   She did for about ten minutes and the whole thing started again and this went on for hours.   It was terrible.  The poor man just sat there and kept his mouth shut whilst she ranted on loudly about his personal life.   She was warned several times and eventually was arrested for abusive behaviour.   The police were waiting for her on arrival.  Ive no idea how this bloke kept his mouth shut for so long without showing any emotion.   His arm must have been very sore at the end of the flight, she really belted him one.  It was almost like he had picked her up at the airport and she was his slave!!   Weird.

Lin x

[thatLous]

Can't even get a nail cutter in!

As a child I saw a man get drunk on an airplane. It was funny... he brushed his teeth with his fingers and spat on the ground  It was funny, really.

My uncle's a crew so he has lots of funny stories and all.

[Ninny]

  Scared of flying???    I can't even talk about it

[PaulW]

It's not the flying you should be scared of, flying is great. Suddenly stopping flying and plummeting to the earth, screaming and burning - that's the bitch.

Aaaaarrrrrggghhhh

[thatLous]

It'll plague your nightmares from then on

Fortunately that doesn't happen very often...

[Narnian Prince]

Actually, Paul, it's not even the "suddenly stopping flying, etc." that's so bad as looking out the window and watching pieces or metal and/or rubber suddenly fly past at a high rate of speed or watching an engine unhook and drop.  I've actually personally witnessed each of these things happen and believe me nothing will stop your heart any faster.  Even the most stubborn of atheists somehow suddenly finds a way to cross his hands and do the old, "Look, I know you know that I don't believe in you and I'm not saying that I'm giving any credence to you but I'd greatly appreciate it if you could save my sorry little ass just one more time..." 

I've been working for an airline for more than 2 decades now and have travelled by plane to more places than I ever thought I'd see.  I've been medically declared claustrophobic in the worst sense so I'm not the guy you want to be sitting beside on a plane.  I usually ask the flight attendants if they have any hefty bags before we even do the "buckle up and pray" speech.  I make my own wife and kids nervous by telling them I'm fine while my paler than normal sweating skin actually does have the flight attendants nervous.  My wife and kids actually love flying but NOT with me, thsu I only go by air when absolutely necessary. 

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!  Help the airlines!  Do NOT listen or pay any heed to ANY advice that ANYONE gives you with regard to alcohol!  If they could MOST airlines would have fully enforceable and complete BAN of ALL alcohol on ALL flights.  Alcohol does NOTHING but cause problems!  It NEVER solves any problems and the increasing number of arrests that are now resulting from the consumption of alocohol on board flights is absolutely staggering!  Many international airlines are considering a moratorium on this because of the problems they have with nervous passengers who foolishly choose to imbibe and then (at times) place their fellow passengers in some form of danger due to uncontrollable behaviour.  We don't deny that a lot of people probably can control themselves but for the few that can't some times the risk just isn't worth it.   

Medications?  Doctor prescribed only!  Please!  Dope, crack, coccaine and other illicit drugs that have no positive evidence of any sort are NOT viable alternatives and should be considered in the same category as alcohol - they're more dangerous than they're worth.   

Sorry if this sounds like I'm on a bit of a tangent but I've seen too many cops needing assistance in getting a passenger off a flight due to the effects of the aforementioned.  I've also had to appear in court as a witness far too many times due to assault cases involving drunken passengers and co-workers.  Some people like to claim we're overpaid and underworked no matter where we are in the industry but they should really try walking a mile in our shoes first. 

Chris 

[Ninny]

Does anyone else watch the crew to see if they look calm.  Or, you know when the turbulance is so bad that even the crew has to go buckle up,well I scan the people around me to see if they're calm.  There's only one kind of flying I like :-

this kind...whee

[thatLous]

Usually when turbulence happens people just go on their merry way and they barely even move a limb. That, or they're mentally screaming in their minds while they're supposed to be watching Winnie the Pooh.

True story.

I agree with NP about the alcohol. I remember these three ladies suddenly getting crazy with wine, and they started laughing out loud and getting out of control. Heck, my uncle even said that he had to restrain a drunk guy once after he complained about the peanuts (or something similar).

That said, a note for all the cabin crews: please don't scream while you're on an airplane, even when it's coming from the mirth in your hearts. It freaks the passengers out.

[Xerika]

Done it! 

Well, we flew back to the UK from Greece last Sunday (a bit over three and a half hours in the air) and then back again this Sunday. I can't say I enjoyed it exactly but I'm greatly relieved that I didn't freak out and make a complete prat of myself.

I'd read somewhere that you should inform the cabin crew when you board the plane that you're a 'nervous flier'. I did that on the first flight and the woman smiled at me and said, "OK, we'll keep an eye on you." I didn't notice the crew giving me any special attention during the flight but as we were getting off, the same woman smiled at me again and said, "You made it then." 

It was a bit of a concern at the beginning of the first flight when the captain came over the intercom thingy and sounded exactly like Jonathan Ross.    (He's a chat show host in the UK for the few people left in the world who've never heard of him.)

Anyway, I'm glad it's over and done with and I want to thank everyone for their words of advice and encouragement, most of which I took on board (literally).

Thanks, folks. Much appreciated.  Mind you, it's a good thing I didn't read some of the later comments until my feet were safely back on terra firma 

[SteveJ]

*sings* 'And so you're back
from outer space,
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face'

 

Welcome home, mate, lovely to have you back

[Xerika]

Thanks, Steve. I've missed someone to take the p*ss out of too. 

[thatLous]

She's not wearing a sad look Wait a min, Steve, did you just sing?!  Does he do that often? I certainly hope so.

Anyway, I'm very glad that you made it, Xerika! How was the trip? And the two million dollar question: are you going to do it again?