Author Topic: A poem for Easter  (Read 1533 times)

Offline lesbillgates

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A poem for Easter
« on: March 19, 2008, 09:25:58 PM »
We often forget the true meaning of Easter. Here's a little poem I wrote today:

Four days from Gethsemane to Glory

Remember me?
You betrayed me today.
With a kiss, you showed them the way
And collected thirty silver coins.
They whipped me and mocked me.
They crowned me with thorns.
So grovel in the dirt, pick up your pay.
You betrayed me today.

Remember me?
You killed me today.
You sent me to the cross, then washed your hands
And set the murderer free.
You cursed and mocked me and made me a joke,
You threw dice for my cloak.
As the curtain was rent, night replaced day.
You killed me today.

Remember me?
You mourned for me today.
You pronounced me dead, laid me in the tomb,
And sealed it with a stone.
Though you denied you knew me, you still had hope
That death would have no hold on the Son of God;
To the Father there could be no other way.
You mourned for me today.

Remember me?
I rose for you today.
The stone rolled back, the tomb was bare,
There was no one there.
Id died in your place, so your sins could be forgiven.
Id defeated death, so you could go on living. 
With my blood, your sins were washed away.
I rose for you today.




Offline Amie

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Re: A poem for Easter
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2008, 01:05:21 AM »
I am not a remotely religious person, and I normally dislike religious poetry, but I thought this was excellent.  I could nitpick here and there (few metrical stutters), but I don't think it would necessarily make it a better poem. Thanks for posting :)
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka

Offline lesbillgates

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Re: A poem for Easter
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2008, 03:36:57 PM »
Thanks for your positive feedback.

Les

Offline John Yamrus

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Re: A poem for Easter
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2008, 04:03:49 PM »
hi;
i think the only change i would suggest is titling it "Remember me?", with a subtitle "Four days from Gethsemane to Glory".  this would help you avoid the awkward and gimicky sounding repeat at the beginning of each stanza.  repeats like that have been done to death and are quite boring.  i think this is a way to avoid that, while still effectively making your point.
     finally, i have to agree with Sat that i'm also not a big fan of religious theme-d poetry...mostly because most of it's not very good.  but this one for the most part cuts it.  nice job.
john
Since 1970 John's published 2 novels, 18 books of poetry, and had more than 1,300 poems published in mags around the world.   His new book, (his 20TH) called CAN'T STOP NOW! is available here:

http://www.epicrites.org/

Offline lesbillgates

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Re: A poem for Easter
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2008, 06:18:00 PM »
Thanks for your comments, John.

Les

Offline The Write Stuff

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Re: A poem for Easter
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2008, 02:56:59 PM »
Dear Les,
    I love your poem.  There is just one little change that I think would make it better:  in the last verse where you have used "I'd" two times, I think it would sound better to use "I" instead. (not a big deal at all ~ just my opinion)

   


    My husband and I were really blessed by this poem.  It seems that the only things that anyone thinks about at Easter anymore are bunnies and candy and that really breaks my heart;  I'm sure it breaks the Lord's heart even more.
    Thanks for sharing your poem and may the Lord bless you as you celebrate Easter and what it means to all of us, whether we're aware of it or not.

    Sincerely,
    Cynde   :)   
   
« Last Edit: March 21, 2008, 03:01:17 PM by The Write Stuff »
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He with make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5,6
"Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens." Jimi Hendrix

Offline Amie

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Re: A poem for Easter
« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2008, 10:02:15 AM »
Apologies for derailing your thread Les - irrelevant posts split off - the floor is back to you :)

ps - you mentioned that is your first poem - I'm even more impressed that I was initially! Very well done!
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka

Offline lesbillgates

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Re: A poem for Easter
« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2008, 06:48:03 PM »
Yes, this really is my first stand-alone poem (except maybe some amateurish efforts in English class at school more than forty years ago). I do have some verse in my fantasy trilogy 'Windows on Our World' (http://www.lesbillgates.com/hope.html), but it's not really poetry - more like riddles.

I wrote the poem 'Four days from Gethsemane to Glory' in less than an hour. I'm glad some people like it. Do you think I should write more poetry?

Les

Offline Amie

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Re: A poem for Easter
« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2008, 03:24:13 AM »
Yes, definitely :)
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka

JanTetstone

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Re: A poem for Easter
« Reply #9 on: December 01, 2018, 08:36:22 AM »
Apologies for derailing your thread Les - irrelevant posts split off - the floor is back to you :)

ps - you mentioned that is your first poem - I'm even more impressed that I was initially! Very well done!

Mark this ones for you.
Welcome Board - START HERE! / Hi from New Zealand
on: January 13, 2008, 07:48:40 PM
My name is Les Gates and Im living in New Zealand. Im a newbie here and quite new to writing, but really an oldie.

I was born in, England in 1949 and graduated from Keble College, Oxford University in 1972 with an Honours degree in Mathematics. The following year I completed a Post-graduate Certificate in Education at Exeter University.

I have toured the world extensively and lived for more than twelve years in the Solomon Islands and ten years in New Zealand.

For most of my working life I have been a High School teacher of mathematics in New Zealand, England and the Solomon Islands. In 1998, I was appointed Principal of King George VI National Secondary School, Honiara, Solomon Islands. I moved back to New Zealand in 2001. I am now pursuing a new career as an author and freelance writer. My first novel, Windows on Our World, Part 1: Hope was published last year.

I married Sarah in 1986 and we have three children and two grandchildren.

.............................................

The Writers Circle / Share Your Novel
on: January 26, 2008, 04:16:41 PM
I'd just like to tell you about a new website I've launched called Share Your Novel. It's been designed to allow self-published and POD novelists to promote their book and share their ideas, though any published novelist can join. It also has its own forum.
Join, share your novel and make friends.
Visit http://www.shareyournovel.com  to find out about this exciting new venture, or please ask if you want to learn more.
................

Also check out booksie for Mr. les Gates   info.


The links look scammy because they are over 10 years old.                     jt

Offline Mark T

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Re: A poem for Easter
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2018, 08:20:02 AM »

And...?

JanTetstone

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Re: A poem for Easter
« Reply #11 on: December 02, 2018, 08:41:36 AM »
And...?
And.   Did you not ask monitor or someone to look into how Mr. Gates could  only have 10 posts and be able to have a signature line?  Sorry, Mark. I'm not a very tactical person. We both  jumped to the wrong conclusion. AND I thought the record should be set straight.      jt