Author Topic: - Birthday? -  (Read 4420 times)

Offline HaroHalola

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- Birthday? -
« on: January 27, 2008, 06:13:35 PM »
He wakes to thinking
"What Is 'Birthday'?,"
This Day, any way?
 
And Muses, an entree`
in to Time's follow-Year, for
if One is, say 10, aye
 
now their 11th, no?
So... the Worth of Mirth?
Yea!, for the Felicities, aye
 
of Experience in Form -
a child born of Stars
motes of the Universe,
 
an epithalamia to Self-Heralding,
preciosity...
each Day's Merrydance to Life!
 
So... so... a "Birth-Day?"... Souly a
Co-Memmoration... an Homage with
Hera, The Mother, and Father, and Child!
 
                                               H.e.m.
                                               11.8.MMvi.
                                                "HBL."   
« Last Edit: February 02, 2008, 04:19:28 AM by Nick »
""WE ARE NOT DEFINED BY OUR POETRY, RATHER OUR POETRY DEFINED BY US!""

Love, through a Sacred sharing of Body
the enfusion of Two Hearts,
Love, the enfusion of Two Hearts
through a Sacred sharing of Body.

                               H.e.m./H'H.
                               9.11.MMv

Offline aliasgrace

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2008, 01:11:15 PM »
I don't really understand what you're trying to say here.  I'm too distracted by all the italics and quotes and weird illusions to mythology.  I also think you're trying too hard to make it rhyme.

Offline HaroHalola

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2008, 01:34:00 PM »
aliasgrace - Truly I am forlorn you have not grasped the concept of this offering; though the references which flummox are clearly discernible to One whom is privy to such allusions (notwithstanding the Internet for those whom care to be elucidated [elusedated?] as to further their grasp), I never force anything into my Work, let alone Rhymes... I simply do not have to.  Why not attempt to Reading beyond the "distractions" to glean the Universal Message therein, else I might quit & get a Birthday Gig w/Hallmark?  Certainly might pay better, 'least that's what another "detractor-of-sorts" harped 'til I traded my Emotions for Serious Poetry...   H'H./H.e.m.  P.S. - I do not know the precise Ethnic composition of the fine folks here @ MWC, however I believe the gods on Mt Olympus (esp. Hera, the Mother of us all) will not be pleased to be appellated as "illusorily-weird."
""WE ARE NOT DEFINED BY OUR POETRY, RATHER OUR POETRY DEFINED BY US!""

Love, through a Sacred sharing of Body
the enfusion of Two Hearts,
Love, the enfusion of Two Hearts
through a Sacred sharing of Body.

                               H.e.m./H'H.
                               9.11.MMv

Offline thatollie

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #3 on: January 31, 2008, 01:40:09 PM »
alaisgrace: I found Haro's poetry a little difficult to grasp until I began reading aloud. Then I sort of got it more. If you didn't do this, I'd suggest you try.
Never make a decision standing up.

Offline aliasgrace

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #4 on: January 31, 2008, 01:40:52 PM »
To me, the poem seems like it is trying too hard to be something it isn't.  

Offline thatollie

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #5 on: January 31, 2008, 01:51:45 PM »
It's his style, perhaps it doesn't do it for everyone. Although, with the amount of pauses he's used it sounds like William Shatner is reading it.
Never make a decision standing up.

Offline aliasgrace

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #6 on: January 31, 2008, 01:53:47 PM »
William Shatner!  That puts a whole new spin on things..  ;D

Yes, I agree, his style just isn't for me.  I can't get into it.

Offline thatollie

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #7 on: January 31, 2008, 01:57:10 PM »
I'm sure Haro will see this and come up with a suitably witty rebuttal.
Never make a decision standing up.

Offline HaroHalola

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #8 on: January 31, 2008, 02:27:21 PM »
Yes, my friends, you may not fully grasp my Work (which has to be cool), I am not for everyone's tastes, not even most (though I attempt to be for everyone), but you certainly have gleaned enough from me to ascertain I would respond w/wit & aplomb.  Truly, I wish the Words would dance from the page into your Psyche's... alas -   H'H./H.e.m  P.S. - Grace, tell me, what Is It you believe the Poem is "trying to be which It Is not?"  Kirk Out!
""WE ARE NOT DEFINED BY OUR POETRY, RATHER OUR POETRY DEFINED BY US!""

Love, through a Sacred sharing of Body
the enfusion of Two Hearts,
Love, the enfusion of Two Hearts
through a Sacred sharing of Body.

                               H.e.m./H'H.
                               9.11.MMv

Offline thatollie

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #9 on: January 31, 2008, 02:38:02 PM »
Quote
Truly, I wish the Words would dance from the page into your Psyche's...
I have never said that it did not. After all, you've taught me what lies beyond words.
Never make a decision standing up.

Offline HaroHalola

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #10 on: January 31, 2008, 03:05:34 PM »
to - My contrition; I misspoke to generalities, & am truly humbled by having been an influence in your Philology, something which causes a Poet to reflect on the nuances of "teaching," indeed!  TY, that "place beyond Words" is dearly-magical for me, I hope It continues, in some measure-for-measure, to have egal. for you...  In Rhyme -   H'H/H.e.m.   
""WE ARE NOT DEFINED BY OUR POETRY, RATHER OUR POETRY DEFINED BY US!""

Love, through a Sacred sharing of Body
the enfusion of Two Hearts,
Love, the enfusion of Two Hearts
through a Sacred sharing of Body.

                               H.e.m./H'H.
                               9.11.MMv

Offline aliasgrace

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #11 on: January 31, 2008, 04:32:33 PM »
I believe that it is trying to be profound, when it is not.  All the strange use of punctuation and italics and made up words are distracting and make me feel like the poem is trying to prove that it's profound.. instead, the simple idea of the poem is profound enough without all those distractions.

Offline HaroHalola

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #12 on: January 31, 2008, 05:32:34 PM »
Grace (why the "alias?") - Sorry, Read the volume of my other Work (near 300 of mine, here), Read the Comments attendant - Sat., Fordy, Allie, "Voodoo," Leigh, Baron, Sian, a cache of "Newbies"... even a qualified Erik, if you care to; yes, there have been detractors.  Not liking, not understanding/grasping, not your tasting are mutually exclusive from presuming to dictate disingenuously what is "masquerading/attempting to profundity."  Your Comments are puerile & foolish, & by extension...  If you cannot intelligently, substantively support your presumptions, then you've no positon in a Literary debate, flinging darts to which I & my Work are impervious, about the "Merits" of another's Work.  I have neither the time nor inclination to defend the needlessly defensible, standing by the Merits.  Normally, I would not have even taken your Comments to this level of dignity.  My advice is do not Read, let alone Crit., the Work you historically do not like (notwithstanding my Work presents with no precedence for Critique), & are obviously ill-equipped to comprehend.   H'H./H.e.m.
""WE ARE NOT DEFINED BY OUR POETRY, RATHER OUR POETRY DEFINED BY US!""

Love, through a Sacred sharing of Body
the enfusion of Two Hearts,
Love, the enfusion of Two Hearts
through a Sacred sharing of Body.

                               H.e.m./H'H.
                               9.11.MMv

Offline aliasgrace

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2008, 08:00:44 PM »
How are my comments foolish?

I thought I was very clear about why and how I disliked the poem.  How can I explain it differently?

If you are giving advice, then allow me to give you some.  Don't post your work here if you don't like hearing negative things about it.  I gave you some very concrete reasons as to why I disliked the poem.

I don't care if you've posted 300 or 3000 poems.  I'm still going to tell you exactly how I feel about them.  That is the point of this forum, is it not?

I am trying not to make this personal.. only about this certain poem.


Offline HaroHalola

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Re: - BIRTHDAY? -
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2008, 08:12:03 PM »
How bourgeois of me, & here I was thinking I thought "Pro-Found" was a multi-international "HeadHunter"/Rep. for Athletes! Me Bad-You Jane.  T. Leary.
""WE ARE NOT DEFINED BY OUR POETRY, RATHER OUR POETRY DEFINED BY US!""

Love, through a Sacred sharing of Body
the enfusion of Two Hearts,
Love, the enfusion of Two Hearts
through a Sacred sharing of Body.

                               H.e.m./H'H.
                               9.11.MMv