Author Topic: Judge and be Judged (1,314 words) (14A Violence/Gore)  (Read 2481 times)

Zetos Lapier

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Judge and be Judged (1,314 words) (14A Violence/Gore)
« on: May 11, 2008, 02:46:13 AM »
"Silence!" The scream came from the man, his hand rushing through the air. The whistling sound the rather triangle shaped hand made was stopped by the loud sound of skin against skin. The veins that were riddled beneath the pale white skin of the preacher were suddenly broken by the force. Blood pooled into the area, causing there to be a bruise that took the shape of the murderous scums knuckles. "Renounce your faith, or I shall kill her, I shall kill your whole family!"

"Never." The threats fell upon deaf ears, the man didn't even give a crap about his family. Set on the whole idea that he was going to get to heaven by yelling at the top of his lungs in Pakistan, "I am Christian!" He also knew that it would cause his whole family to be dragged in with him, but lied to before that you must give your life up, literally to go to heaven, he did just that.

The revelation of what was about to happen was revealed to the mans brown eyes. His wife had her neck resting on a large chopping block. Tears were rolling down her face, loud cries of help leaving her lips as she tried to pull herself from the bonds. Blood was dribbling out of her nose, one eye was blind from being beaten by the men. Her teeth were dyed red by the missing teeth that had been pulled from her mouth.

"No! Stop them Henry! Why are you letting them do this to us?" The screams escaped her lips, ripping the bottom one open, blood flowing from the large crack, dripping all over the gray cement floor.

"Can you not see your wife you idiot? She lays there, about to have her head severed from her body, yet you sit there and still do not renounce your faith? So be it." Turning to the man with a black hood over his head, and cloth in front of his mouth he smiled wickedly. The woman cried out loud in horror, watching the wood chopping axe rose above the mans head. Then without warning it was flipped over to reveal the back end that was flat, but like a sledge hammer.

Bringing the giant downwards it smashed into her hand, cracking the cement underneath. The sickening sound of bones crunching underneath the weight of the weapon was audible. Shattered bones protruding from the epidermis, blood pouring from the exploded openings, tears and cries trailed with her. A hacking fit catching the lady in the middle, then began to vomit, there was no food to fuel the vomit though. It was just pain that was moving the chunks up through her body, and loosing them upon the ground before her, interlaced with the deep red of her inner being. Tears of pain continued to stream down her cheeks as her cries became even more silent. With the puke, her voice had seemed to have gone with it, letting it slowly dissipate into thin air.

"She is going to die in the next blow if you do not convert away from this, Christianity." The man just shook his head, not even showing a care in the world, brainwashed by the liar who had told him such things as that God would want all that he 'owned' to die with him.

"I don't care." The words left his lips, as if he had never even had a wife, as if she was just some kind of play toy to him. Her jaw dropped down low, revealing her shock at what he had just said. The salty tears entered into her mouth, stinging the cut lip, making her jaw fly upwards in a loud clack, the teeth vibrating and hurting by the speed of what had just happened.

"Kill her..." That was all that the torturer said to the executioner. With another flip of the axe, it was right side down again, the dull edge placed against her neck softly, her silent sobs were soon cut down though. Lifting the axe, still training it on the woman’s neck, he let it go behind his back, tapping his spine before swing the large thing all the way over. Thunk!

The axe had cleared the woman’s neck, blood spurting from her jugular; the corpses head slowly rolled from the wooden block and then punted across the floor to the other mans foot. A silent snicker left the tormenters lips, his dastardly black eyes watched the facial expression of the man that sat there in complete silence. Then with a sudden force his foot began to press hard against the ladies severed head, the sound of the skull cracking inwards from the pressure could be heard. Then his foot entered hard, the inside muscle being pushed out through her eye holes and nose. The beautiful blue eyes rolled lifelessly across the ground to the foot of the captive Christian. Slowly the executioner made his way over, picking up the visual receptor, and opened the prisoners’ mouth wide. Slowly he placed the round orb within his mouth, and pressed up on his jaw. Vitreous gel took up the flavor within the mans mouth, the bits of blood washing over his taste buds, making him almost lose his lunch as well.

"What do you think of your lovers’ flavor, does it taste good to you?" The executioner asked, for the first time that day not being silent. The blood that covered his white apron was wiped off by his hands. Cleaning his hands on the captives face, he turned around to grab something from one of the compartments on his apron.

Turning around with speed, the tip of the gun was at the frontal lobe of Henry's head. For the first time that day Henry actually showed fear, that he might actually be killed. He was willing to sacrifice all he had to God. All he had except himself of course; sitting there with large eyes he lowered his head.

"I will renounce my faith, if you let me live." That was all he said, the tears that began to come to his eyes.

"Of course, we are men of our words." The promise was a lie, the gun was loaded and ready to shoot as soon as the man said anything, whether he stayed to his faith, or turned away from it.

"I am not a Christian." That was all he said, he didn't even get to hear the gun shoot as the bullet passed through his brain. The powder burns on his forehead leaving black streaks. Then there was the case of the muscle within being ripped to shreds by the exploding bullet. The back of his head was blown open as the little bit of bullet left passed through. Blood poured out from the gaping wound within Henry's head, a laugh leaving the executioner, causing the large man to begin to shake with mirth.

"It never gets old, does it?" He asked his partner as he let the mask drop from his head.

"Of course not, they dare judge us, then let us judge them back fairly." He laughed loudly, pulling the cloth from his head as well, revealing the young teenage boy that was hidden beneath. There was darkness in his eyes, and there were scars on his body, scars that could've once been prevented, but were not. Cringing some as he kicked the body in front of him, the memories of his brother, his parents who claimed they did not help him for the Lord said to love even those who destroyed him. I will find you brother, and when I do, you will die... Slowly!

(This in no way is meant to diss Christians. I myself am one, even if my writing seems a bit dark. Also this is dissing no race or culture, it is just pointing out the natural cycle of humans, how if we are judged, we will most likely judge them back 10 times worse.)
« Last Edit: May 12, 2008, 04:43:16 PM by Zetos Lapier / DBF »

Offline thatLous

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Re: Judge and be Judged (1,314 words) (14A Violence/Gore)
« Reply #1 on: May 11, 2008, 04:51:50 AM »
An interesting piece, Zetos.

Though the first paragraph was a bit clunky, overall the story was rather interesting, especially Henry's choices.



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Re: Judge and be Judged (1,314 words) (14A Violence/Gore)
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2008, 11:33:03 AM »
This was intense, Your description is fabulous, so much so i was starting to feel a bit ill from all the gore - Don't be mistaken that's a good thing, it means it's doing it's job.

Well done,

Shellie x

Zetos Lapier

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Re: Judge and be Judged (1,314 words) (14A Violence/Gore)
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2008, 12:35:21 PM »
Ahahaha, thankya to the the both of you.

Louie: I suck at the beginning paragraphs, I normally cheat and send em off to a friend for him to just fix em up a bit.

Shellie: Thanks, I'm glad that you enjoyed it. ^_^


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Re: Judge and be Judged (1,314 words) (14A Violence/Gore)
« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2008, 04:25:32 PM »
I only have one word I would change..crap..

beat him, the scars that could've been prevented if his parents had given a crap to stop his brother from beating him to the point of death everyday.

As simple as this word is, it sounds like a personal remark from the writer; which it should not.

The story is well written..good story telling. That last line is the one the reader will remember, and the word crap, which seems to come not from the story, but the writer... The word itself is okay, it's just how it comes out...


Zetos Lapier

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Re: Judge and be Judged (1,314 words) (14A Violence/Gore)
« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2008, 04:44:11 PM »
Hahhaa thank you Domenic, I have switched it up a bit, and yes it did look like a personal writer to paper thing as if in a journal, that is now gone and hidden within it. Anyways, thanks for the review. ^_^

Offline SteveJ

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Re: Judge and be Judged (1,314 words) (14A Violence/Gore)
« Reply #6 on: May 13, 2008, 03:18:54 PM »
God, that was hard going, which is testament to your writings' power.
It made me cringe, for the best reasons, Zetos :)
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Zetos Lapier

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Re: Judge and be Judged (1,314 words) (14A Violence/Gore)
« Reply #7 on: May 13, 2008, 04:18:50 PM »
Thankies to ye Steve. LOL enough of my crappy English skills.

Thanks man, glad that you enjoyed it, ^_^