Author Topic: Show versus Tell  (Read 148347 times)

Offline Amie

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #45 on: November 17, 2007, 12:07:28 AM »
edit:  dagnabbit - Narnian Prince posted while I was writing this!  I'll just do them both then.

(you know, some of these "tells" don't seem that telly to me.  Even given that that's one of the most frequent comments I make about people's writing, that it's too telly.  "He nodded slowly" I think counts as showing rather than telling.  Nevermind, here we go - )

First one:  He let his chin roll down to his chest.  A tumbleweed passed.  He pulled his chin back up, during which time the pages of a calendar flipped through the months and years.  He repeated this process ten times, at the end of which the universe had collapsed and expanded several times.

Second one:  The blood drained from her face as...

Julie thought that Jonathan was a prig.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2007, 12:10:39 AM by Saturnine »
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka

Offline thatollie

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #46 on: November 17, 2007, 12:16:24 AM »
"You're a prig," Julie said to Jon.
Never make a decision standing up.

Offline pamela07

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #47 on: November 17, 2007, 12:44:21 AM »
Show:  The prig stood straight up immediately after being called a prig.
Tell:  What is a prig?

Offline thatollie

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #48 on: November 17, 2007, 12:47:18 AM »
I'm not sure, I've been writing so much this morning that I've lost all sense of meaning. And I forgot to post a new tell.

Tell: Pamela wondered what a prig was.
Never make a decision standing up.

Offline Amie

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #49 on: November 17, 2007, 12:53:12 AM »
Show:  Pamela murmured, "Prig?", her head cocked to one side, index finger toying with her lips and eyes scrunched up.

(from dictionary.com, a prig is: "a person who displays or demands of others pointlessly precise conformity, fussiness about trivialities, or exaggerated propriety, esp. in a self-righteous or irritating manner".  This describes my father-in-law perfectly.  So much so that my husband is more likely to refer to his father as "Prig!" than "Dad")

Tell:  Dracula hated liver.
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka

Offline thatollie

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #50 on: November 17, 2007, 01:02:41 AM »
Mrs Dracula brought out the sumptuous bloody sponge pudding, County licked his lips, "not until you finish your liver," Mrs Dracula said.

Woefully he picked at it with his fork.


Tell: The first thing Mike had to do was convince Clive that Donkey Hockey was a good commercial investment.
Never make a decision standing up.

Narnian Prince

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #51 on: November 17, 2007, 01:06:28 AM »
Although he played with his own doubts, Mike knew that if he could win Clive over on the latest game, Ass Shinny, they could make a fortune.  (I couldn't resist this one!  :D  Also, hockey is often referred to as shinny here in Canada.  :D )

Tell: Keira's clothes fell.

Offline thatollie

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #52 on: November 17, 2007, 01:15:20 AM »
The strap came loose, no, she thought. Her clothes hit the floor as everyone around began to stare.

Tell: Keira covered herself up quickly.
Never make a decision standing up.

Narnian Prince

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #53 on: November 17, 2007, 01:29:44 AM »
Being the modest young noviciate that she was, Keira quickly pulled a nearby robe over herself mumbling apologies to those present.

Tell: Sir Nigel was a gentleman.

(I've got to give him some saving grace.... don't I?  LOL!!!  :D )

Offline pamela07

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #54 on: November 17, 2007, 01:52:31 AM »
Kiera, then scantily, bolted from the room, face blood shot red in shame.

The robe wasn't hers.

Offline thatollie

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #55 on: November 17, 2007, 01:54:21 AM »
Nigel handed her the robes, with his eyes covered, booing rang around the room.

Tell: Sir Nigel immediately apologised to the crowd.


He's a knight, what was he supposed to do? 8)
Never make a decision standing up.

Narnian Prince

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #56 on: November 17, 2007, 03:16:06 AM »
Despite earlier preconcieved notions, Sir Nigel said "sorry" to the boors for not entertaining them further and made an equally hasty exit.  :D

Tell: Keira and Sir Nigel went their separate ways.


(Did I mention that both were under vows of celibacy...?  :D )

Offline Maxine

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #57 on: November 17, 2007, 03:47:42 AM »
With a heavy heart and slow steps Keira turned toward the nunnery.  At the door she peeked over her shoulder and watched the kind old man with funny red hair walk to the monastry entrance.

Mother Superior laughed at Keira.
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Narnian Prince

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #58 on: November 17, 2007, 04:12:23 AM »
As she passed under an awning, Sister Helipolias could not contain her mirth at seeing the scantily clad figure fleeing down the steps.  In the distance she make out the bulk of the elderly monk seeming to come from the same direction.  Now, what have those two been up to?  she pondered.

Tell:  The jet was in a tailspin.

Offline thatollie

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Re: Show versus Tell
« Reply #59 on: November 17, 2007, 06:11:14 AM »
Chris wrenched his arms to the left, trying to straighten up, "Damn it, the gears have locked, we're totally screwed."

Tell: Michelle panicked, the pancakes were burning.
Never make a decision standing up.