Author Topic: An Interesting Burden  (Read 92 times)

Offline IzzBuzz

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An Interesting Burden
« on: February 25, 2021, 12:02:14 AM »
Hi everyone, this is my first poem here :)

An Interesting Burden

Her problems are oddities: peculiar, unrelatable, and unusual,
suited more to a reality freak show than an actual human reality.
Most days she hides her pain in shame under a bandage and a smile.

Inevitably someone rudely pulls the bandage and the smile away.
Sometimes when this happens,
she forces herself to wear her wound
like a heavy ornate scarlet brooch.
An interesting burden,
A conversation piece.
When people say,
How bold
How big
How unique
How vibrant and rich the blood is
She rolls her eyes,
self-effacing and nonchalant.
“Oh, this old thing? I found it underneath my skin.”
“It barely even hurts anymore.”

She doesn’t like to admit it to herself but
sometimes she likes wearing her wound.
As they gawk at the grotesque pinned to her chest,
she enjoys knowing how well she wears it
and how strong she is to bear its weight with grace.

Offline Royal Thorn 78

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Re: An Interesting Burden
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2021, 12:44:40 PM »
An interesting poem -- I like the way the metaphor is carried the full length of the poem -- not an easy thing to do.  But while "wound" is a substitute for something tangible and serious, I think you will go deeper with the poem if you find a way to talk about what you are really talking about when you say "wound". 

Roy

Offline Mark T

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Re: An Interesting Burden
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2021, 04:31:50 PM »
Yes, interesting. One would guess the piece is a vehicle for expressing some psychic trauma or other melancholic tragedy that has the potential to define the narrator, more than an actual physical manifestation of something shameful that needs covering up but one would probably be wrong.

Offline Royal Thorn 78

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Re: An Interesting Burden
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2021, 06:21:05 PM »
Then again, one might be right. ;D ;D

Offline IzzBuzz

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Re: An Interesting Burden
« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2021, 09:42:22 PM »
Hi Roy, Mark, thanks for taking the time to read and comment :)

I did indeed mean the wound to be a metaphor rather than a physical wound, although upon re-reading after your comments taking the wound to be a physical wound is also a valid reading of the poem.

The wound was meant to represent the emotional turmoil that the narrator is suffering from due to a problem that is "interesting" and weird, and cannot be easily hidden for long, and the shame she (most of the time) feels when people are morbidly interested in it.

I'm not sure if maybe I need to make that clearer, or if I extended the wound/brooch metaphor too far without adding in enough detail.

Edit: Roy--when you say "talk about what you are really talking about when you say 'wound'"--do you mean talk about the specific issue(s) in the narrator's life?




« Last Edit: February 25, 2021, 09:49:40 PM by IzzBuzz »

Offline Royal Thorn 78

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Re: An Interesting Burden
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2021, 12:06:39 PM »
Quote
Edit: Roy--when you say "talk about what you are really talking about when you say 'wound'"--do you mean talk about the specific issue(s) in the narrator's life?

Yes, exactly. That's hard, but better for the reader, the poem, and ultimately for you.  Of course that's your call.  You also decide how explicit you get or how figurative you remain. 

R
« Last Edit: February 26, 2021, 12:08:49 PM by Royal Thorn 78 »

Offline Mark T

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Re: An Interesting Burden
« Reply #6 on: February 26, 2021, 02:18:51 PM »

Yeah, spit it out, nobody's listening but us, a couple of random poetry freaks.  ;D
You know that whatever it is, it is less of a deal for everyone else than it is for you.
I'm guessing some physical malformation or malfunction that through excessive self-consciousness has become a self-sustaining psychological complex. In the process, you have given away your personal power for fear of the judgement of other, also flawed, people. Be careful, that can be a pathway to serious illness. You can't change the facts but you can change your perception and reaction to the facts. And it's all too easy to fall into the trap of attributing setbacks to "it" rather than your lack of self-discipline, for example. But just think, your friends are real friends, right?
Anyway... keep writing... poetry's a terrific form of catharsis and self-exploration. 

Offline IzzBuzz

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Re: An Interesting Burden
« Reply #7 on: February 26, 2021, 10:47:37 PM »
Thanks guys, I'll keep working on this :)

Offline Royal Thorn 78

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Re: An Interesting Burden
« Reply #8 on: Yesterday at 11:30:56 AM »
You are making progress.  I hope you are enjoying the task. 

To get better at writing, it is always a good practice to read as much poetry as you can.  Read stuff you like and admire, read poems which bring your mind to life.  If you like the effect of someone's writing, you will find yourself trying to figure out how they do that.   :)

If you are unsure where to find good poetry, look at Poem Hunter, Poetry Foundation, All Poetry, and Poets.org.

Two fine contemporary poets you might start with are Sharon Olds and Billy Collins.