You welcome, Kit. Best of luck with your writing.

Hi Albatross,

I read your second take.  Your expertise in flying comes shining through as you incorporate it successfully into the story.  There is a lovely balance between full sentences and short phrases that keep a forward momentum.  I could easily visualize what was happening.

Thanks. As you can see by the fact that I posted two versions, I am still chasing my idea here, but its good to know I'm getting close.

Your opening paragraph shows that Manfred was suffering from a hangover and therefore had shoddy air-work.  Then, when it comes time, he is a capable flyer and able to beat the enemy.  This feels like a disconnect to me.

Interesting that you see a disconnect. For me, there's no disconnect because I see him screwing up repeatedly after the attack starts. I mean he gets the initial set-up okay, but obviously over-cooks his first firing run, almost crashes into the bomber, just-about G-locks himself, then proceeds to depart controlled flight not once, but twice. Oh, and he has a hard time keeping on the tail of a lumbering aircraft that is much less agile than the one he's flying. Only at the end, when he accidentally finds himself in a good position, is he able to get a killing shot of.  Overall, he flies terribly, but redeems himself with sheer fortitude and courage.

Clearly, I need to do a better job of conveying that. I thought I had.

 

Of course, I don’t know the story before this, but I wonder why would he chose to drink to excess the night before going into combat?

Anxiety, pent-up anticipation, and peer pressure can make an otherwise sensible person do some pretty dumb stuff. And Manfred was never a big drinker, so it doesn't take that much over-indulgence before he bemoaning the after-affects.

I think in the context of the book, it's pretty clear that his flying troubles depicted here are more a result of holding on too tight, and worrying about not being good enough. When survival instinct or training take over, he actually flies pretty well. Its just when he "in his head" too much (over-thinking everything) that he does poorly.

That was me as a student/nugget aviator too, come to think of it.   

And BTW there is a long and glorious tradition of pilots flying into combat with hangovers (or even still schlitz for that matter). Hell, some guys do their best work that way. Pappy Boyington, anyone? (Google him)

Anyway, thanks for reading Kit. I appreciate your reply. 

How do you keep yourself motivated to write?

Motivation to write from various sites.   jt

Being motivated 100% of the time just isn’t possible for most authors. So don’t get discouraged if you’re having a hard time getting started...

Conclusion

How do you motivate yourself to write?
1.Write every day
2.Don’t edit as you write
3.Get rid of distractions
4.Take a break
5.Use examples from others
6.Talk it out
7.Try creative writing prompts

https://www.briantracy.com/blog/writing/how-to-stay-motivated-when-writing-a-book/

Other links:
https://blog.myneurogym.com/stay-motivated-when-writing-a-book

https://www.writersdigest.com/writing-articles/by-writing-goal/improve-my-writing/9-ways-to-get-started-and-stay-motivated

Kit,
Once again, thank you for your thoughtful response. I am glad you do not think a prologue necessary to my story, and am fine with setting this brief entry aside. 

I am happy to read any pages you post!

Hi glewis,

There is also a "Review my Script" section under workshops, where you might post this and get additional feedback.

Good luck,

Kit