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91
Review My Poetry / Re: An Interesting Burden
« Last post by Lucky Stars on March 18, 2021, 10:28:10 PM »
Hi Izzbuzz,

Thank you for sharing this piece. I am a newbie, but have been to quite a few poetry workshops. This is a very moving poem. There is so much to love in the writing, most notably for me is the rhythm in the following:

"How bold
How big
How unique
How vibrant and rich the blood is"

The sincerity in the voice is also very strong, yet sensitive to maybe what others think? The poem keeps the reader engaged with gritty imagery. The mystery of the subject makes a reader such as myself intrigued to keep going back.

On the same token, there are questions that the reader may have. What do people do to rip the bandage off? Does it tear off with the subtle stare from a stranger, or other discomfort? Perhaps some more imagery is needed to paint a little more of a clearer picture of what is so painful. Is the smile the bandage? For simplicity in one statement, it might make a good metaphor or simile:-

She wears here smile like a bandage
or
Her smile is a bandage

I love the phrase "scarlet brooch." One last idea might be to trim back words, such as reducing the three adjectives here in order to make the line sing more:
"like a heavy ornate scarlet brooch."
Picking one or two adjectives only would be stronger. Try:
"like a heavy scarlet brooch." or "like a scarlet brooch."
Just a thought: The reader already senses the heaviness throughout the poem without the need of using the word "heavy."

This is an amazing peice that stays true and consistent with tone throughout. With a little more work, it will shine more light on what is meant to be conveyed to the reader.

 Thank you so much for allowing me to give you some feedback. Let me know if you need any more help or feedback.

Happy writing!
92
The Coffee Shop / Re: Round table Question of the day
« Last post by JTetstone on March 18, 2021, 09:10:18 PM »
Question of the day: Would you knowingly give your child a toy that would harm him/her?

Doing non-stop research-I come across information that sends chills down my spine. That makes me wonder if  the devil himself is  heading some institutions...I mean, a person with a heart would never allow harm to befall innocent children. But. Some toy companies are putting dangerous stuff into the making of the toys they are selling to unsuspecting parents,and others who buy toys.

  9. Is there evidence that children are more sensitive to the effects of DINP and if so how
should that be incorporated into any risk determination?
No data are available on the effect of DINP on children or immature experimental
animals, nor are there data that indicate that immature animals are more sensitive
to causes of spongiosis hepatis, the critical endpoint used by the Panel in the
DINP risk assessment.
10. How should background levels of DINP and other phthalates be incorporated into a
determination of risk?
There are no data on the interaction or additivity of dialkyl phthalate-induced
toxic effects. Even if they act through a common mechanism, DAP effects are not
necessarily additive, although the assumption of additivity for low exposure levels
is a generally accepted conservative approach to addressing this source of
uncertainty, as well as one that has theoretical support in the case that damage
occurs by statistically independent increments.
However, because of the difficulty in developing reliable estimates of phthalate
exposure for the population of interest (infants and toddlers) and uncertainties on
how exposure estimates should be combined for comparison with the ADI, further
explicit consideration of environmental background DAP exposures is not
undertaken.

11. What conclusions, if any, can be reached about the skin penetration of DINP as a
result of dermal contact? Should potential risks from dermal exposures be evaluated in
the same manner as those from oral exposure?
Dermal uptake of DINP may occur through prolonged contact of DINP containing
products with skin or mouth. However, detailed data on the prevalence of DINP
in consumer products that are in sustained contact with skin, such as sandals and
rainwear, are not available, and there is fundamental uncertainty concerning the
magnitude of dermal DINP uptake. Therefore, estimation of potential dermal
exposure from such products remains speculative.
12. Is the available exposure information adequate to permit the Panel to estimate the
probable harm, if any, to human health that will result from exposure to DINP from the
“reasonable and foreseeable” use of consumer products?
Estimated DINP exposures to children through toys and/or bedding/shoes/
clothing, and to adults from shoes/clothing, are preliminary at best. Recognizing
the limitations of the data, nevertheless, a prediction about the potential oral
exposure to children under the age of three to certain consumer products can be
made. Exposure information is inadequate to make predictions about dermal
exposure.
13. If such an estimate were made, what methodologies were used in estimating the
magnitude of the risk and what was the rationale for adopting that methodology?
A safety factor approach was applied to a non-cancer endpoint. To induce liver
cancer, DINP acts by a PPARα mechanism that is pronounced in rodents and that
is not readily induced in humans under current exposure conditions. Thus, the
human risk from cancer was seen as insignificant.
14. What are the uncertainties attendant with determining the risk to children from
exposure to DINP in consumer products?
There are uncertainties associated both with the determination of exposure and the
determination of hazard. Those associated with exposure include:
• lack of knowledge about what portion of toys contain DINP
• lack of knowledge about what other consumer products contain DINP
• lack of knowledge about how much DINP migrates out of toys and
other consumer products
• uncertainties about how much time each day a child spends with toys
and other DINP containing objects in their mouths
• lack of knowledge about how much, if any, DINP would be dermally
absorbed
The uncertainties associated with the hazard include:
• the degree to which spongiosis hepatis in rodents is relevant to humans
• how to extrapolate an effect from a lifetime exposure in rodents to a
two-to-three year exposure in young children
• lack of knowledge of effects of early in life exposures; there are no
toxicological data for exposures corresponding to infancy and toddler
years
• lack of knowledge of effects in non-rodents; there are no chronic
studies in non-rodent mammals
• lack of knowledge of PPARα expression and related responses in the
young; there are no data in human infants and children and scant data
in non-human species
• lack of knowledge on mechanisms by which PPARα induces rodent
liver tumors
15. What is the risk to children from the oral exposure to DINP?
One of the two estimates of plausible upper-bound DINP exposure listed in Table
IV-7 (Section IV) is greater than the ADI of 0.12 mg kg-1d-1 recommended above
for DINP. Namely, the estimate of 0.28 mg kg-1d-1 for ingested DINP among any
children 0-18 months old who mouth PVC plastic toys containing DINP for 3
hours/day exceeds the recommended ADI. This implies that there may be a risk
of health effects from DINP exposure for any young children who routinely
mouth DINP-plasticized toys for 75 minutes/day or more. For the majority of
children, the exposure to DINP from DINP containing toys would be expected to
pose a minimal to non-existent risk of injury. Further research addressing topics
listed above (see question #14) could reduce the uncertainty associated with this
characterization of DINP risk from consumer products....
In December 1998, the Commission staff completed an analysis, “The Risk of Chronic
Toxicity Associated with Exposure to Diisononyl Phthalate (DINP) in Children’s
Products.” As a result of this analysis and recommendations made by CPSC staff, toy
manufacturers voluntarily agreed to remove DINP from rattles and teethers and another
phthalate from pacifiers and baby bottle nipples. In addition, a number of large retail
chains agreed not to sell rattles, teethers, pacifiers, or baby bottle nipples that contained
phthalates. Staff indicated at that time that there were a number of uncertainties in the
staff’s analysis and recommended that the Commission:
• continue work to develop a laboratory test method that more accurately
estimates the amount of phthalate released when products are mouthed by
children
• conduct additional testing of products intended for children under 3 years of
age that contain DINP

https://www.cpsc.gov/s3fs-public/pdfs/dinp.pdf

Wake-up to the reality-some among us are nothing more than 'lowlifes' who feel nothing, but the pleasures that their money can buy. I for one will shine the light into the darkest pit-to save  children from being the victims of the fallout of greed. How many children have been harmed/killed by innocent looking toys?
93
The Coffee Shop / Re: Quotes that make you stop
« Last post by JTetstone on March 18, 2021, 08:42:58 PM »
"_I know no safe depository of the ultimate powers of society but the
people themselves; and if we think them not enlightened enough to
exercise their control with a wholesome discretion, the remedy is not to
take it from them, but to inform their discretion by education._"
                                                                            --Thomas Jefferson
94
Review My Poetry / Re: May WE
« Last post by Lucky Stars on March 18, 2021, 07:36:47 PM »
Hi,

Thank you for sharing this. I am a newbie as well, but have been to many a poetry workshop. ;)There is a lot of emotion and a dark, deep feeling that holds on throughout this peice. The imagery is thick. My favorite lines are " Stop demanding a central theme from a season that isn’t done shedding its final leaves" and "I am a wave  fighting the tides of grief."
 
There is difficulty seeing the main theme/idea of the poem. Is the speaker the wave? What helps me convey clearer meaning in my poems during my revision stage is to take out lines /phrases/words that repeat or are unnecessary if the idea is implied elsewhere. I am guessing it is sorrow? My first drafts are often similar to your poem. It comes out as ramblings, but if you take a fine toothed comb through it after letting it set a week or so, you find some real gems. Those are what the reader wants! Paul McCartney once said "Less is more" and I have seen this work best in poetry. If you don't mind, take a look at my suggestions below for the 1st stanza. I included line breaks to "break up" the heaviness of the poem and to show off the gems:

"Today I start at my end.
I am a wave  fighting the tides of grief.
Whose turn is it to mourn today?
What shift will the kaleidoscope of despair turn to,
to tease with the shimmering slivers of colored glass,
..."

I think you have a lot to work with here! It's better to have to much than too little. Sometimes, I don't even know what my poems are about when they first come out all willy- nilly, but after trimming the fat, (repetitions or things already implied in the poem), a clearer picture starts to emerge. I do this same revision over and over until it makes more sense to me.  I hope that this helps you out. Let me know if you need more suggestions.


95
The Coffee Shop / Re: Round table Question of the day
« Last post by JTetstone on March 17, 2021, 02:56:43 PM »
"The financial history of the United States is not complicated nor difficult to  understand.   This is due to the fact that the government has been and is an honest government..."

This was written about the US government in 1921.

What happened!?

Greed happened, and once the greedy figured out how to manipulate the financial system, for their's and their family's benefit, few honest men/women can be found in banking or other finance businesses.

For those misguided souls who believe they own any property outside their own country, you don't. You and your money are just pary of the game of 'monopoly' to see who will be the last man standing.

I'm not against world trade. I'm against world manipulation, and one world government.

Do you know the fate of every country's economical system rests in the hands of others besides the stock holders, who have willingly put power -of attorney in another's hands?

I bet you never bothered reading the fine print,before signing everything you own over to another to take care of?
96
Review My Work / Re: literary fiction sample chapter
« Last post by Steffigy on March 16, 2021, 03:16:04 PM »
Hi
What a compelling read Id love to know the rest of the story. My only comment is the same as Rowan Adams that you used American because a lot of words have US spelling ie ending in ze not se but Mum is British English spelling
97
Review My Work / Re: Looking for beta readers for YA sci-fi
« Last post by Steffigy on March 16, 2021, 02:49:08 PM »
Not a YA but you can send it to me at sapravaz@gmail.com
98
Review My Work / Re: Into Ocean Waves Short Story (350 words)
« Last post by Steffigy on March 16, 2021, 02:09:25 PM »
Incredibly stirring words. Powerfully written
99
The Gallery / Changing of bank History
« Last post by JTetstone on March 16, 2021, 12:20:31 PM »
As an American, I find it interesting how much 'history' has changed, according to the historian/person 'keeping the books' on history.

I reckon, if one is not taught the 'facts' of the times, one can't blame historians for being ignorant on the history he/she writes about.

Back in the 1980s, the United States was silent,while public school systems destroyed books, like the Communist did. [I witnessed this first hand. jt]

How can I compare the US government with Communist government?

It's easy, my old books document 'the National Bank of North America being incorporated in December, 1781,and existing as the National Bank of North America in the 1920s.

ORGANIZATIONAL HISTORY
The National Bank of North America came into being in 1950 with the merger of the National Bank of Freeport and the First National Bank of Merrick both banks located on Long Island forming the Meado Brook National Bank. The name, National Bank of North America, was adopted in 1967 following the merger of Meadow Brook and Bank of North America. In 1960 the bank merged with Colonial Trust Company and Queens National Bank thereby becoming the first suburban bank to enter New York City.  https://rmc.library.cornell.edu/EAD/htmldocs/KCL05575m.html#:~:text=The%20name%2C%20National%20Bank%20of,to%20enter%20New%20York%20City.

I would say, the history of the National Bank of North America-got a little twisted, by someone doing the writing.

100
The Coffee Shop / Re: Round table Question of the day
« Last post by JTetstone on March 16, 2021, 10:49:29 AM »
Question of the day:    What's the real story behind the United Nations, one power agenda?

The onset of the Second World War showed that the League of Nations had failed its primary purpose, which was to prevent any future world war. The League lasted for 26 years; the United Nations (UN) replaced it after the end of the Second World War and inherited several agencies and organisations founded by the League.

The United States refused to join the League of Nations!
Interesting ,after WWII, its described as a founding member of the UN[the offspring of the League of Nations].

What's the real story behind the forming of the League of Nation [the United Nations]?


Added March 18,2021:
 "When I cast my mind back to 1927, the year that I first joined the
     Council, it seems little short of a miracle that the organization
     could have taken root in those days. You will remember that the
     United States had decided not to join the League of Nations.... On
     the domestic front, the budget was extremely small, taxes were
     light ... and we didn't even recognize the Russians. What could
     there possibly be for a Council on Foreign Relations to do?

     "Well, there were a few men who did not feel content with that
     comfortable isolationist climate. They thought the United States
     had an important role to play in the world and they resolved to try
     to find out what that role ought to be. Some of those men are
     present this evening."

https://www.gutenberg.org/files/20224/20224.txt

Don't under-estimate the American people..... Knowledge is power.
History has away of coming to the forefront. Communist haven't  changed -neither have Americans.
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