Recent Posts

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91
Welcome Board - START HERE! / Hello!
« Last post by Miss Brew on December 21, 2020, 10:44:23 AM »
Hi everyone,
 I am so excited to have found this community so early in my writing journey. I go by Miss Brew and I am a reader and writer of romance. I can't write a story without romance nor can I get into a story without romance. Yes, your thoughts are correct; I am a broken hopeless romantic. I am currently looking for BETA readers for my enemies-to-lovers Chick Lit.
92
All the Write Questions / Young children's books
« Last post by coralmia on December 21, 2020, 06:36:07 AM »
Hi Everyone. Do hope you are all keeping well during these awful times. While stuck at home I've dug out the draft of a young children's book that I started a while ago. I think it's good. It's current and relatable to young children and their parents and is approx 600 words. It will require fun illustrations which I cannot do although I do know a suitable illustrator.

What I am asking you good people is this: " How do I know if it's good enough to submit without putting it out there and risk someone else copying the idea."

Also is it better to use a literary agent or submit directly to a publisher?

I would be most grateful for any comments. Thank you
93
Welcome Board - START HERE! / Re: Greetings
« Last post by innerpeace on December 18, 2020, 08:21:18 PM »
Also, I will be more available to return the favor after my book is complete and I've had some time to distribute it. Thank you so much!

I have a friend in Atlanta who immigrated from Turkey many decades ago. She started to write a book five or six years ago about the experience of living a life with dual cultural influences. But her book has morphed into something different as time has passed. I encouraged her to write a series so she can get something good out there. But she hasn't studied the publishing industry yet.

She knows I edit people's books, but she feels we're too close to even let me see a portion of it just for the experience.
94
Welcome Board - START HERE! / Re: Greetings
« Last post by innerpeace on December 18, 2020, 08:18:09 PM »
Thanks Ather! I will send as soon as it's ready. It's in progress now.
95
Welcome Board - START HERE! / Re: Greetings
« Last post by ather71 on December 18, 2020, 03:12:54 PM »
Hello innerpiece

Welcome to the forum. The topic of your book sounds interesting. You may send a sample of the work to my email address, ather71@hotmail.com

Or you can paste it in this forum if that is an option.

Regards

Ather
96
Review My Poetry / Re: Slanted
« Last post by Mark T on December 18, 2020, 01:37:02 PM »

Ah but it's a two-syllable word and to my ear the loss of two beats in that sentence creates a stumble... also I would have to change the title of my shaped piece  ;D ... but thanks, RK.

97
Review My Poetry / Re: Brackish Reinvention
« Last post by Mark T on December 18, 2020, 12:37:36 PM »

RK. Good to see you're around. Thanks for posting this interesting write. There's a sense of urgency, speaking in random cipher, as claustrophobic coils of collective constriction enfold the last flutter of the true individual. My take, anyway.     
98
Review My Work / Re: Please review 3 chapters of my novel, "Off the Grid"
« Last post by Jolouis27 on December 18, 2020, 11:39:22 AM »
Thank you Bailish!

Theses are great catches and thank you for the compliment! I'm so grateful for everyone's input! I will update you all if this gets picked up by an agent and publisher.

Back to corrections and editing,

Joanne (Jolouis) :)
99
Review My Work / Re: beta readers wanted!!!
« Last post by bailish on December 18, 2020, 11:13:42 AM »
Hi, emmarose327! To get beta readers it might help to post some samples of your work. I'm not sure I'd commit to reading an entire novel without knowing something about your writing style.

Just a suggestion...

100
Review My Work / Re: Please review 3 chapters of my novel, "Off the Grid"
« Last post by bailish on December 18, 2020, 11:09:31 AM »
Overall, I like the writing. It flows smoothly and sounds professionally written.

He takes the monitor from me and places it on the step. “Go on,” he says. “Get that fine butt of yours off to work,” knowing I hate that.

"knowing I hate that" is not a dialogue tag, and I don't like the use of "that"
“Go on, get that fine butt of yours off to work,” he says to irritate me.


Sean worked there before they laid him off with the rest of the country then his father dropped dead of heart failure and left the farm to us.

Awkward: "with the rest of the country" doesn't really work here with the indeterminate "they" Did they lay everyone off?
"Then" sounds like a run-on sentence. I'd prefer to see it as a new sentence.

Sean worked there before getting laid off with the rest of the country. Then his father dropped dead of heart failure and left the farm to us.


Anyway, that only lasted a whole three months before the bank foreclosed and put the farm up for auction along with the machines and animals. We had no idea what kind of debt Mr. Wilcox had dug for himself.

I chose to connect the ideas a bit.
We had no idea what kind of debt Mr. Wilcox had dug for himself until, only three months later, the bank put the farm up for auction along with the machines and animals.


Sean’s odd jobs takes care of the rest

should be
Sean’s odd jobs take care of the rest


I pass by Dalton’s Food Company to walk into McNally’s pub a few doors down where my mother Alice works.

This one is admittedly nitpicky.
I pass by Dalton’s Food Company to McNally’s pub a few doors down where my mother Alice works.


I reach for the envelope and look up to Alice.

Do you normally call your mother by her first name? Especially noticeable since she signs the card as Mom in the next sentence.


DGM when it was Cody’s dad’s store.

I don't like double possessives. I'd change it to:
DGM when it belonged to Cody’s dad.


Sometime later,

should be:
Some time later,


As I startle,

perhaps:
As I shiver,


Grace, another co-worker, told me about his pervy habit of doing watching me last month, and then I caught him spying on her.

Grace, another co-worker, told me last month about his pervy habit of watching me, and then I caught him spying on her.


wrapping my scarf around my head like a mummy

You mean covering the face? Sorry, I don't live in an area that gets cold enough for a scarf, and it sounds odd to me.


once and a while

should be:
once in a while


Grace too in some ways.

This confused me. Do you mean Grace also reminds you of what you could be doing, or these kids coming in remind her of what she could be doing? I could see it being either way.


He quietly slides into bed smelling like Irish Spring. Within seconds, his breathing deepens, and he’s out.

I'm unsure what the narrator feels about this. Does she approve or feel neglected?


Sean’s proposed by the waterfalls in Mark Twain National Forest

should be
Sean proposed by the waterfalls in Mark Twain National Forest


I like the writing style. Good luck!
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