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Trying to spice up the opening chapter by jumping forward with a teaser from a key plot point. First draft, first post, keen to hear any and all of your thoughts! Genre would be 'internet satire'  ???

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The dead cat is surprisingly heavy. Even entombed in Willís backpack, one of those fancy new ergonomic ones that absorbs weight and neutralises strain, the cat, covered in glad wrap and with blood slowly leaking from its ears, feels like itís being pulled downwards by some unspoken force. Perhaps the earth senses death and is dragging it back home, Will thinks.

He hadnít meant for it to die. He didn't want to kill it. But they say sometimes you donít know your own strength, and thatís a fact. Itís also a fact that cats donít have robust windpipes, and while it may not yet be as famous an idiom, it still could have been useful information for  Will when he found himself in his exís house with his fingers wrapped tight around her tabbyís throat.

But thatís in the past now, so no use wallowing. He did what he did and now itís done. What's important is getting back to his house before the sun rises, and beating the morning light. Only darkness will hide his face as he walks along the empty pre-dawn Bondi streets. Only darkness will provide him cover when he takes the cat from his bag and hurls it out over the cliff behind his backyard and into the yawning ocean below. Only darkness will absolve him of his sins.

Will quickens his pace as he walks up the final, rolling hill towards home. He holds his thumbs under the straps for support, like a five year old on his first day of kindergarten, and the cat thuds against his back with each step. The rows of sandstone apartments along his street lie silent for now, but he knows that soon their residents will begin to stir. A lone seagull squawks overhead. Is it late to bed, or early to rise? He moves faster again. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Up ahead, to the east, he sees a long slither of purple begin to crack through the black sky. Heíd reach for his phone to check the time, but his hands are already busy supporting the weight of the bag. It must be close to 5:30am, he guesses. Quart to six at the latest. At this time of year the sun will be up in half an hour.

He remembers a dream he had last night - or was it the night before, now? It's the one where there's a little baby, not six months old, chubby and dressed in an old-time naval costume, like you'd see in the history books. It's lying on a table and all around it people are attaching helium balloons to it, dozens of them one after another, red, blue, yellow, green, purple, every colour imaginable, and as they do the baby begins to float, and rise into the air. As it takes off the crowd stands back, and people are taking photos with their smart phones, snap snap snap, and the lense shutters are so loud and constant they sound like clapping. The baby rises up and up, almost out of sight, off with the nor easter, but even from a distance Will  can make out its milky white skin, its bloated cheeks, and the big smile on its face.

Baby goes up, cat goes down. What a world.

The stealthy whoosh of a passing peloton snaps Will from his reverie. Gotta focus, he thinks. Gotta get this shit done. He stops, takes a deep breath of the sweet salty air, and begins to run the final hundred metres.This is going to be tight.

92
Review My Script / 1
« Last post by PARTIZAN on March 14, 2018, 03:42:52 PM »
1
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Welcome Board - START HERE! / HI THERE, GOOD PEOPLE!!!
« Last post by PARTIZAN on March 14, 2018, 03:28:56 PM »
Hello. As you assume, I am new here. I want to improve my writing and hope you will help me with your honest reviews.
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Dear users of My Writers Circle,


My name is Morgan Dun-Campbell. I am the Operations Manager for Author Enterprises. Author Enterprises is a company which empowers authors to become their own independent publishers. Authors retain their own rights and royalties and can earn an income from their work. For further info on company please visit http://www.authorenterprises.com/


Author Enterprises has partnered with The London Magazine to launch a new First Novel Prize. Not only will the winner be published but there are also cash prizes for winner and runners-up. Please see enclosed for further information and submission details.

https://www.thelondonmagazine.org/novel-writing-competition-2018/



I would be grateful if you could forward on information to anyone in your group who you think would be interested in the prize.


Also, I am contacting you about a scheme which Author Enterprises had recently initiated, to help Writing Groups publish collections of short stories written by their members.

We can help publish short story collections in ebook and print and demand paperback (arranging cover design, formatting, marketing advice and setting up publishing account on Amazon). Groups will retain rights and also all royalties. Amazon pay a 70% royalty on kindle sales. Any paperback sales will also be paid directly into a designated bank account.

Author Enterprises will charge a flat fee of £500. Should each author featured in short story collection contribute to fee than the cost will be shared and manageable. The word count for any collection should be between 25 and 90 thousand words.

All we would need from you is a completed, proof-read manuscript.

As well as providing some marketing advice after publication we would also ask The London Magazine to profile a story from the collection.


Should you have any questions or wish to discuss things further please let me know and I can arrange for you to speak with our Director, Richard Foreman. Not only should any book help to generate a small income for your writing group, but project should also prove enjoyable and rewarding, as an authorial experience, for your members.
95
Writing Games & Challenges / Re: the last person to post here wins
« Last post by fire-fly on March 13, 2018, 10:51:07 PM »
Amateurs  :P
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Welcome Board - START HERE! / hello, would anyone mind reading this please?
« Last post by geehope on March 13, 2018, 02:25:45 PM »
My love for you is like the ocean, strong and consuming, overpowering every other emotion.
but then your love for me was gone, and i was left with nothing but the ocean, cold and harsh.
yet i remain here, waiting to feel something, anything as strong and consuming as you.



constructive criticism or any comments are helpful and welcomed, thank you :)
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Welcome Board - START HERE! / hai :)
« Last post by geehope on March 13, 2018, 02:21:42 PM »
hai everyone
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Writing Games & Challenges / Re: the last person to post here wins
« Last post by Vienna on March 13, 2018, 08:37:50 AM »
lol yeah right...........
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Writing Games & Challenges / Re: the last person to post here wins
« Last post by Dylan di Vilde on March 13, 2018, 05:57:34 AM »
Ha! - I win.



Oh no....wait...
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Writing Games & Challenges / Re: the last person to post here wins
« Last post by Dylan di Vilde on March 13, 2018, 05:54:59 AM »
The next person to post here is a ****ing ****er. - Official
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