Recent Posts

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 10
1
Review My Work / A secret...
« Last post by Dragonsnark on Yesterday at 03:53:05 AM »
dlp gave me some useful feedback to"The Sea". Once of his comments was "it paints a clear picture. no hidden meaning here. nothing to figure out.".

Maybe the poem was too obvious, although I was trying to paint a clear picture. Looking back over my poetry, I came across this, which is pretty cryptic, but each verse draws a clear image from my memory. I present it here for your comment.

I can describe the picture each verse paints if that is needed.

A secret

They went out in the morning,
they wandered back at night.
Who knows what was guiding them,
they always got it right.
They came back to their spaces,
and found their rightful places,
Of nurture and of care.

I came down, and round the spiral way
The air hot, blasting, like a pillow, hard to breathe.
I went further, and down, at last out, free.
To strangeness, sound and smell greeting and covering me
I waited then, to drink the difference, enthralled but not afraid.

She came and stopped, and waited,
A statue, standing, tall and lean,
On her head were treasures, in her quick dark eyes a gleam.
She was searching for someone, something, a time,
Somewhere she should go
It was a secret only she will ever know

They drifted or maybe floated,
Their scarves trailing in the breeze.
From learned place to place of learning,
wandering together, perfectly at ease.
Later they returned maybe wiser than before
Excited by the things tomorrow has in store

He waited in the shadow, watching, observing
Maybe amused, maybe wondering or dreaming.
He saw me watching and returned a nod
but didn't come near, or change.
He would come later bringing with him
his cool oasis of calm and movement.

They stood regal full of colour, proud and alive,
They stood together, separate, in a group
Father, Sister, Mother and Son
Each knowing the place and what was to be done.
The process, very old but new to each
Different, the same, but to me just out of reach.

2
Review My Poetry / Re: On Attending an HBCU
« Last post by AntonioM on July 20, 2019, 08:32:09 PM »
Black is the subject of that sentence. l don't need luck, I have an English degree, among others. See: vocative comma and how to locate the subject of a sentence.

Antonio
3
Review My Poetry / Re: On Attending an HBCU
« Last post by heartsongjt on July 20, 2019, 06:16:58 PM »
There is no subject verb agreement issue, punctuation satisfies the rules of grammar.

Interesting, since there is no rule ,that I can find, that  backs up your claim.

Best of luck finding the 'rule.'

jt
4
Review My Poetry / Re: On Attending an HBCU
« Last post by AntonioM on July 20, 2019, 05:49:57 PM »
There is no subject verb agreement issue, punctuation satisfies the rules of grammar.

Your suggested change of address would change the very meaning of the poem, because it is refracted through a racist prism-- black children are not the most associated with negativity-- white men win that hands down, historically. Many white supremacists organizations and groups have been formalized, legitimized, and allowed to use power over minority groups and women.

I have taken good advice from many great writers on this site and beyond. I only wish to expand the realm of poetry to be inclusive, diverse, and to raise awareness and the level of discourse on issues important to me. If that isn't your goal in writing wtf you doing here?
5
The Gallery / Re: .
« Last post by heartsongjt on July 20, 2019, 04:01:08 PM »
I am glad I got a chance  to read  your post before it was removed. Your writing was very moving.

Keep writing, and best of luck to you.

jt
6
Review My Poetry / Re: On Attending an HBCU
« Last post by heartsongjt on July 20, 2019, 03:53:28 PM »

Your misinterpretation of the text, is proof of the poem's assertions of the racist's linguistic ignorance.

Correcting a grammar error ,in no way means an intentional "misinterpretation of the text."

While your evaluation of the meaning behind  my comment is very telling, all that you wrote about my reasoning for replying to a post, on a 'writers site," is nothing more than the opinion of one who appears to have hidden motives for posting on the 'review my poetry' board.

Having homeschooled for about 20 years.... "children" and the word "is" stood out:

Black, children,
is the color most often
associated with negativity.

Singular verb with singular subject and plural verb with plural subject. In the given sentence subject 'children' is plural and verb 'is' is singular. ’Are’ should be used with children. https://www.quora.com/The-children-is-swimming-Is-this-sentence-correct

jt

7
Review My Work / Re: Looking for Criticism. Please and Thank You.
« Last post by poetryman123 on July 20, 2019, 03:25:57 PM »
Is this an essay or what? An excerpt of a novel?
8
Review My Poetry / Re: On Attending an HBCU
« Last post by AntonioM on July 20, 2019, 02:20:23 PM »
I regret that my rushed and short tempered response to your reading, may have discouraged you from pursuing the challenge my poem possess for readers like yourself. The challenge is to overcome preconceived notions of blackness.

Readers like you, live with a different perspective on the subject of "Blackness," which I believe is rooted in a racist interpretation of a Greek linguistic tradition. Necro. Your instinct however was to alter the poem to be more easily digested, rather than doing the work-out required for understanding-- to prove the poem wrong. But you didn't, you fell into it's trap, and assumed the poet must have made a grammatical error, for his inferior education. But alas, the poem justifies its unusual presentation, revealing with it the racist's lazy thought process. And refusal to lookup unfamiliar terms, ie, Necro (Nee- See- Ro).

Your misinterpretation of the text, is proof of the poem's assertions of the racist's linguistic ignorance. I E the tradition of Blackness being associated first with negativity, and then later transformed to oppress people of color-- who in most instances are not literally black, but literarily and legislatively black.

The poem attempts to laude the historically black college system for cultivating awareness of the historical distinction between Blackness and racism, by tracing its etymology.
9
The Gallery / .
« Last post by Contrapasso on July 19, 2019, 11:41:29 PM »
.
10
Review My Poetry / Of Many Moons I Write To You
« Last post by poetryman123 on July 19, 2019, 11:09:34 PM »
I have confessed many times and this
might be the last that I confess my love
for you my dear, I have been a bad child
And that I have climbed many mountains
many moons ago, and I wonder if you can.

Take this hand that bite it off, I no longer need
a hand in the first place, I am weak and is going
to collapse soon, I am afraid of what is to come
And this confession is weak to the bone, I cannot
bend backwards or dance by the trees alone as I
desire to make a ritual by the gods in the sky.

I Am not a tribesman from a North American tribe
leader, I do not know how to count from 1-100
I am as stupid as can be, I am a fool from Africa.

I am a loser in emperors clothes, I am a loser from
the slums of Ethiopia, I am a rebel dying my hair
another colour, pick me and let me confess my love
For you regardless of what I am.

Pick me so I an dance to the sky and moon
with this poem I write to your love
Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 10