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The Coffee Shop / Re: Word Games on the iPhone
« Last post by adminrobert on Yesterday at 01:03:25 PM »
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Authors' Resource Centre / 먹튀검증
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Authors' Resource Centre / 토토
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Authors' Resource Centre / 먹튀검증
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Authors' Resource Centre / 먹튀폴리스
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Welcome Board - START HERE! / Hello!
« Last post by Sunny11 on May 18, 2022, 05:48:50 PM »
So glad I found your group, I've been looking to connect with other writers for a while, but never knew where to start. Then this circle popped out of the blue. I'm obviously knew to this (just learning what beta readers are, lol). Just finishing up my novel set in 1986 Biloxi, Mississippi. It's a coming of age story. Looking forward to participating in the group, but will just be looking for a bit before I post anything. Glad to have finally found y'all!
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Welcome Board - START HERE! / Re: Hi all!
« Last post by Clarius on May 18, 2022, 03:09:56 PM »
Normally I'd say hi and urge you to post your own and to critique other's work, but you seem to be doing that already. So, kudos to you and hi.
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Review My Work / Thoughts on First Part of Novel (Fantasy Adventure)
« Last post by kellytaylor on May 17, 2022, 08:38:01 PM »
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"I've read worse that this." That's comforting. lol

Thanks for taking the time to comment!

"Block" kind of stuck out to me, too. What do you suppose is the more British-y word? I've read explanations of why Brits mostly don't use the term the way we do, but not what they'd say instead. Any suggestions for how to reword it, assuming there's not British synonym, would be greatly appreciated.

"MWC kills layout" Sorry, but I can't figure out what MWC stands for. Sounds like something I ought to know.

Fwiw, I tasked myself with just enjoying the writing process and NOT being perfectionistic about it, as that curse has killed a lot of creative fun for me in the past. But I find it difficult to know, then, when it's okay to leave the style and word choices more simplistic than I would if trying to write for adults. There are amazing, popular middle-grade books that don't sacrifice sophisticated writing, but even more popular mid-grades that absolutely do, imo. Anyway! That's been a dilemma. 

Again, thanks for taking the time. I so appreciate it!
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Review My Work / Re: middle-grade novel feedback please 1628 words
« Last post by Clarius on May 17, 2022, 02:51:19 PM »
Kudos to you for knowing what a prologue is. Too many see them as dumping grounds for all the **** you need to know up front. Yours sets up a double mystery/hook: who's the hunched figure, and what killed him.

That you choose to set this in England should not be an issue. It's a historical piece, so you'll have to do your research regardless of where it's set. Period detail, that's the ticket. That aside, Maslow's Hierarchy applies regardless of race, creed, colour, or period.

MWC kills layout, we know that. But this has sufficient texture/variety to make it interesting even to a casual glance. There's nothing worse that being confronted with a solid block of text. So, again, kudos.

Regarding time and place.

He walked faster, but it was a long block.

Block is a very American word. Yes, it's just one word, but the pedants will howl. And, yes, I do know who your target audience is, but remember this: J K Rowling aimed the Potter novels at eleven year old boys, who told eleven year old girls how much they liked them ( The books that is. Eleven year old boys would endure the torments of hell before they'd tell a girl they liked them. ), whose parents wondered what all the fuss was about and began to read them for themselves...

If I had any quibbles with this it would just be one writers style choices verses another writers style choices. Take this for example.

Oleander took the paper and stood. He reached for his book, but Mr. Tweedum slapped a hand on top of it. “You may collect this when you’ve finished. And I expect never to see it – or anything like it – in my school again.”

I like the reader to be there with the PoV. So, stylistically, I'd go at it like this.

Oleander took the paper and reached for his book of -

Mr. Tweedum slapped a hand on top of it. “You may collect this when you’ve finished. And I expect never to see it, or anything like it, in my school ever again.”


^ I like to try and find ways to bring the reader up short in just the same way that Mr. Tweedum bringing his hand down on the book brings Oleander up short. IMO it makes it more visceral.

I've read worse that this. I've certainly written worse myself.

Luck.
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