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Messages - Hunter

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1
Review My Script / Arrival Scene. Feedback welcomed.
« on: April 26, 2018, 12:41:56 AM »
EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES - DAY

Round shadows move across the city, darkening
the buildings and streets.

INT. TYLER'S APARTMENT - Day

Tyler hears a car crash and other commotion
outside.

He pulls the gun out of his mouth, then opens
the window to look outside.

Tyler comes back in, storms out of the
apartment.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

Tyler walks out onto the street and sees other
people looking up in haunting silence.

He turns and looks up. The sun glares in his   
face while he stands in awe.

EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES - DAY

A mother clutches her son's hand as they and
other civilians look up at --

-- flying saucers hovering over buildings. The
sun gleams behind them.

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Review My Script / Re: Opening scene to a new Western/Horror idea.
« on: December 21, 2017, 12:00:37 AM »
Don't write camera angles unless you are directing it yourself.
Your action lines are too long. Shorten them. Don't have paragraphs
that are more than 4 lines at least. Have them at 3 lines or less. Readers
will be turned of by huge action line paragraphs. I've learned a lot on a group
Page an Facebook. They will definitely help you out a ton as they have helped
Me. Keep writing and good luck! Remember, white spaces on your pages are
Your friend😉

3
FADE IN:

    EXT. SECRET AIR FORCE BASE - NIGHT

    A man in a uniform leans against a wall,
    next to a door. Face clouded by cigarette
    smoke.

    He checks his watch, flicks the cigarette
    onto the pavement, extinguishes with his
    boot.

    He turns to open the door to his right,
    walks in.


    INT. SECRET AIR FORCE BASE - SAME

    The cold stern man, SERGEANT MORGAN (40's),
    with an enormous scar across his face, walks
    along the corridor.

    Morgan approaches a guarded door where an
    officer stands in front of. He nods to the guard,
    the guard opens the door.

    Morgan walks into --

    THE SURVEILLANCE ROOM

    Morgan's commander, a cold looking man,
    JOHN (50's), talks to a few surveillance
    workers, then walks over to greet Morgan.

                          JOHN
                   (Shakes his hand)
              Morgan.

                          MORGAN
              Sir.

                          JOHN
              I guess you're wondering
              why we called you here.

                          MORGAN
              It crossed my mind.

                           JOHN
              Follow me. There's
              something I need to show
              you.

   They walk toward a screen monitor.

                           JOHN (CONT'D)
              You're the best negotiator
              we've ever had.
 
   They approach the monitor and MORGAN sees a
   weird, skinny arm twitch on the screen.

                           JOHN (CONT'D)
               We need you to ask these
               things a few questions.

                           MORGAN
               What are they?

                           JOHN
               Aliens... But we call
               them Ellipticans due to
               the shape of their heads.

                           MORGAN
               Why are they here?

   John hands him a sheet of paper.

                           JOHN
               That's why you're here.
               To ask them these
               questions.

   Morgans eyes dart as he considers this.

                          JOHN (CONT'D)
                No one has attempted to
                do this. So get your ass
                in there and get it done.

   He nods to John. A nod that says: "Yes, sir."

   Morgan turns, walks toward a door, opens it and
   goes into --

   THE INTERROGATION ROOM
 
   Morgan walks in, shuts the door behind him.

   He lays the paper that John gave him on the
   metal table, then sits down across from the
   ELLIPTICANS.

   The two aliens, with small slinder bodies,
   oval-shaped heads, no mouths and vast grey
   eyes, sit in restraints.

   Morgan gazes at them. Not intimidated.

   He then studies the list of questions, looks
   up and asks:
                   
                        MORGAN
           Where are you from?

   Nothing. Pure silence.

                       MORGAN (CONT'D)
           Why are you here?

   Morgan hears a trembling noise as their eye
   color change from grey, to a deep bright
   purple.

   He yells at the top of his lungs in agony.
   Then SLAMS his hands against the sides
   of the table while tears stream down his
   face.

   He then becomes calm, starts to speak,
   but it's not really him talking. It's the aliens
   talking through him.

                         MORGAN
            We're looking for
            someone... One of us
            among you.

   INT. AUTO REPAIR SHOP - NIGHT

   A car hood CREAKS as it opens.

   A young handsome man (28), TYLER, works on
   a 65' Ford Mustang.


   

4
This is just a small part of a large action sequence.

There is some dialogue before and after this scene.

Thanks.

5
The word 'pointless' springs to mind. It's not a script. It is indeed a very short scene that could easily qualify as prose, but meaningless without context or characterisation. Someone is being chased by aliens and is shooting at them. What on earth do you expect us to say???
H3K


And yes it is a script. It's a continuous scene/ snippet of my script. So it's not meaningless or pointless.  Thanks.

6
This scene is continuous to another scene.
So yes, he is being chased. I forgot to put (CONTINUOUS)
in the slugline. So no, it's not "Pointless."

7
Review My Script / I know it's a short scene. Please give me feedback.
« on: October 27, 2017, 09:43:47 PM »

  EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES (ALLEY) - DAY
 
  Tyler hears the hum of an engine approaching from behind. He turns to
  look and jumps out of the path of a speeding motorcycle.

  He turns back around, looking through the sights of the gun to see if the
  Wind Cutter is still chasing him.

  He hears commotion behind him and turns back around and sees ANOTHER
  Wind Cutter CHARGING toward him at full force. He SHOOTS it.

  Tyler continues to run, shooting any alien that comes in sight.

  An EXPLOSION on the ground, about 7 feet away from him, knocks his ass on
  to the building wall next to him.

  He's unhurt for the moment and JUMPS back to his feet.

8
*In a screenplay.

9
All the Write Questions / How can I show a character's emotion in dialogue?
« on: September 27, 2017, 10:05:39 PM »
I need some advice/help showing a character's emotion in dialogue.
Any help will be greatly appreciated!

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Please let me know. I appreciate it!

11
What if I put:

He begins to feel pain, fear, anger and sadness.
Or
He begins to feel strange. Expressing pain, fear, anger
and sadness?

I don't know, but I do know I'm not giving up on this. I'm just here
for any help I can get.

Thanks.

12
FADE IN:

         INT. SECRET AIR FORCE BASE - NIGHT

         A man in his late thirties, early forties, walks down the corridor.
         This is OFFICER MORGAN. He approaches a door where a guard
          is standing there. He NODS to him and the guard opens it to let
         him through.

          On the other side of the door is his commanding officer and two
          other officers observing a computer screen. We SEE an alien's 
          arm TWITCH on the screen.

          His commanding officer approaches him. A cruel looking man, in
          fifties. This is COMMANDER JOHN. He STOPS Morgan. HANDS him
          a sheet of paper.

                                            COMMANDER JOHN
                 Morgan, here's the list of questions we need to be answered.

          Officer Morgan studies it. HEADS toward the interrogation room.

           John stops him again.

                                            COMMANDER JOHN
              Before you go in there, you should know, that they are telepathic.

           He considers this and WE GO TO --

          INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - SAME (CONTINUOUS)

          Two aliens, with BIG GREY EYES, NO MOUTHS, OVAL-SHAPED HEADS
           and SMALL SLINDER BODIES are sitting in chairs and ARE IN
           RESTRAINTS.

          Officer Morgan walks in with the list of questions in his hand. SITS
          DOWN. LOOKS at the list and asks..

                                              OFFICER MORGAN
                       Where are you from?

          The aliens' EYES CHANGE from grey, to a DEEP BRIGHT PURPLE.

          He begins to feel strange.

          BANG, his hands hit the table. TEARS STREAM DOWN HIS FACE.

          They're using their TELEPATHY.

                                              OFFICER MORGAN
                     We're from a planet called 'Barrdem'.

          Their EYES CHANGE BACK to grey and Officer Morgan comes to.

          He composes himself. Looks at the list. Asks another question..

                                             OFFICER MORGAN
                        Why are you here?

           Their eyes change again. CONTROLLING HIS MIND again..

                                              OFFICER MORGAN
               We're looking for someone... One of us among you.

13
Review My Script / Re: Comedy Scene (Please send feedback)
« on: May 22, 2017, 04:06:25 PM »
Thanks. I know exactly what you mean. I've changed the script and I'm halfway done
with it. It is a lot better now(at least I think it is). I'll try and post a scene again on here
to see if it's better. Again, thanks for the feedback.

14
Writers Wanted! / Re: Anyone want to help with this script?
« on: May 19, 2017, 06:55:22 PM »
Ya' never know!

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Writers Wanted! / Re: Anyone want to help with this script?
« on: May 19, 2017, 06:15:28 PM »
I need someone to help me write it. My friend said he would
but he hasn't yet. I have a lot of ideas for this script, but for
some reason I can't get past two scenes(this scene and another
one).

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