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Messages - Mrs N

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 146
1
All the Write Questions / Re: Help please! present/past tense
« on: July 12, 2018, 09:36:16 AM »
Coolio. 8)

2
Welcome Board - START HERE! / Re: I'm Baaaaack!
« on: July 09, 2018, 06:49:35 AM »
Yep, still grafting through our second novel. Third rewrite so hopefully sending it out to agents soon. Keep everything crossed! :D xx

3
Welcome Board - START HERE! / Re: I'm Baaaaack!
« on: July 08, 2018, 10:05:05 AM »
Hey Heidi

I've never left, just don't pop in much. Hope you are well my friend xx

4
Review My Work / Re: First chapter of a book i've started. 2500 words
« on: July 08, 2018, 09:54:23 AM »

Hey, there is nothing more off putting than a dense wall of text. I would suggest you put in some spaces. ;)

The morning sun peeked was beginning to peak << wrong spelling out from behind the lake on the distant horizon, the heat began to burning off the dewfall. from the night before.


Creatures of the forest were beginning to stirred as the light began to penetrated through the dense foliage.

Birds chirped, squirrels began to scurry about the branches of the trees, <<< and just why is this interesting? and a pale, white haired girl sat up to start the day. She got up, brushed herself off, stood up, and began to walk through the woods. Three 'up's in the same sentence


Okay. I think a use of better verbs would help. Too many 'was' 'were' began' for me. If this girl is the main character where is she? She just sat up in the middle of nowhere. And started her day implies she lives in this forest.

Sorry but I haven't time to read further./b] When the text is more accessible I might come back for another look. ;)


5
All the Write Questions / Re: Help please! present/past tense
« on: July 08, 2018, 09:25:26 AM »
Hello all, any help/advice appreciated. Below is short excerpt from my book, but I am unsure which is right:
The graves were at a small grass and moss clearing in the wood, not far from where they were now. Surrounded by fallen trees and banks of brambles, they were secluded and rarely visited; only by....
or should it be:
The graves were at a small grass and moss clearing in the wood, not far from where they were now. Surrounded by fallen trees and banks of brambles, they are secluded and rarely visited; only by.....

Or is either OK?

Many thanks

I'd pick the first. 'were' not 'are'.

6
Welcome Board - START HERE! / Re: 19 Years Old
« on: July 08, 2018, 09:20:58 AM »
Jesus Christ, kid.
Wish I could offer some profitable advice, but I'm one of those 30 year old alcoholic burnouts, who never made the grade.


OMG that so made me laugh. ;D

7
Her is something I have been working on....

When Sarah opened her eyes, her vision was blurry and she had blood on her hands. Sarah was stumbling across the shack floor with a cast iron pan in one hand and her other hand extended to find her way out.

Thoughts?

Which point would you like the reader to dwell on?

That she is opening her eyes= boring
Her vision is blurry?= So?
She's up and stumbling across a shack floor with a cast iron pan in her hand= bit intriguing
The other hand extended to find her way out= just diluted previous sentence.

Too much of nothing going on. Stick with one image and build. ;)
As it stands I wouldn't read further.


8
Review My Work / Re: Should I keep writing this?
« on: May 08, 2017, 05:18:03 PM »
I like the idea of this.

Peter sounds nice, Carrie looks nice and Margie is a wee bit creepy. Great. Go for it. 8)

9
There you go, Claudia, see how subjective writing is. :D :D :D

No right or wrongs. Just make it as tight as you can and go with your heart. ;)

10
The chandelier blurred before Victor’s eyes as his father’s fist repeatedly collided with his face.

^^^ Great first line. Yes I'd read more. ;) ;D

11
Okay, I'll give this a try.
Wednesday, Victor C. Bennett thought, seemed like a fantastic day to murder his parents.


Way too vague a start for me. Have no idea which Wednesday you are referring to. Who is Victor C Bennett? 'Seemed' is a word to use infrequently, if at all. Certainly not in the first line. ;) What would make it a fantastic day?

You are setting up a scenario that is trying for an explosion, but is falling short. Better a slow build. Or have Victor doing the deed.

Wednesday: 5.15.AM. Victor C Bennett stared at his dead parents sprawled in front of him. What a fantastic start to the day.  

Oh welcome. ;D  

12
The Gallery / Re: Collaboration works
« on: April 28, 2017, 10:38:39 AM »
Thank you, kind sir. :-*

13
The Writers Circle / Free eBook No Grave for the Orchids by JC Linden
« on: April 28, 2017, 05:47:39 AM »


 
 

Well… the past 18mths or so have seen a strange pairing between myself and Owl5986 after we decided to write a novel together. The fruits of our labour, No Grave for the Orchids by JC Linden, is now out on Amazon after a new publisher on the block, Michael Terence Publishing, took us on. Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy 
 
Free eBook 8am Sunday 30th April-8am 1st May (GMT)

Really appreciate a download and a review if you have the time. :)


uk:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/No-Grave-Orchids-JC-Linden-ebook/dp/B071KPZ952/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1493109440&sr=8-1&keywords=no+grave+for+the+orchids

com:
https://www.amazon.com/No-Grave-Orchids-JC-Linden-ebook/dp/B071KPZ952/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1493109464&sr=8-1&keywords=no+grave+for+the+orchids

Please check our website: https://www.jclinden.com for a taster.
 

14
The Gallery / Re: Collaboration works
« on: April 28, 2017, 05:35:44 AM »
Ah thanks, Hilly. :-*

15
The Gallery / Re: Collaboration works
« on: April 28, 2017, 05:23:28 AM »
Free eBook:  8am Sunday 30th April- 8am Monday 1st May (GMT)

Would really appreciate a download and a review if anyone has the time. :)

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