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Messages - Mark T

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1
The Gallery / Re: My Name
« on: Today at 08:01:54 AM »

So is your name Genevieve?

2
The Writers Circle / Re: Leaving MWC
« on: January 05, 2018, 03:25:40 AM »

Hm. Just been through every board on the site and only saw one piece of spam, on the Welcome board. Hm. 

3
Review My Poetry / Re: Moon
« on: January 01, 2018, 11:55:40 AM »

http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=63388.0

4
The Gallery / Re: Poop Story
« on: December 31, 2017, 12:40:22 PM »

Great story, which as a general contractor I appreciated. Reminds me why I avoid maintenance plumbing. The worst smell I ever experienced was while removing the 2-week old floating corpses of 27 baboons that had drowned in a half-full reservoir in the middle of summer.   

5
Review My Poetry / Re: The end is more like this here
« on: December 30, 2017, 03:53:27 PM »

And this one. I've scraped most of my own stuff now for myself but what a huge collection of wonderful poetry is going to slide into the abyss. Damn shame, to put it mildly.

6
Review My Poetry / Re: waxsome is new
« on: December 30, 2017, 09:59:30 AM »

Thanks Ty, for those kind words. A revision. Stop me, I want to wax lyrical about my awesome new word. ;D

I just been and signed up at the BWF parallel universe where everyone's a goddam newbie.


7
Review My Poetry / Re: deeper
« on: December 29, 2017, 04:37:23 PM »

Of course i love the shape, this is literally form poetry to me ;D but the content must work -which it does here, although one has to squint at the syntax a little. I do believe adjusting words to fit lines can bring forth subtle meanings and nuances that wouldn't otherwise appear but are maybe meant to be exposed. Excuse the fiddle.

man wades deeper
among silver fish darting
feet and ankles tear up roots
thighs slowly appear to bleach green
gull's cry breaks space as if breath was glass
all motion gathers storms within, becomes all motion
until finally the ever folding senses submit beneath weight


 

8
Review My Poetry / Re: before the bath
« on: December 29, 2017, 04:21:58 PM »

Nice work - another 'shorty' style and quite apposite given my preceding comment regarding water. I think I get the opening and the ending but this section has me at, er, sea somewhat.

what burned
I wonder and blew west
toward the sea
the ineffectual sea
water enough to sink the continent

Reading the above in isolation now makes it clearer although it is still an abstract-ish question. I guess my answer would be... geoengineering.
 

9
Review My Poetry / Re: waxsome is new
« on: December 29, 2017, 04:14:55 PM »

Hi Linda, and we have the drought to match your West Coast too. Water rationing is down to 100 liters per person per household daily here. Cape Town as a city is due to run out of water in about March unless something major happens.

I'll have a scratch for that poem - currently undertaking the daunting task of saving my old posts in anticipation of this site's functionality being terminally compromised. Sad day but MWC seems diseased now on several levels.

     

10
Review My Poetry / Re: waxsome is new
« on: December 29, 2017, 03:31:07 PM »

Thanks for looking, linda and matty - just wanted to remind you NorHem creatures it's all sun, sand, ice-cream and bikinis down here on the west coast of SA.  8)

11
Review My Poetry / waxsome is new
« on: December 28, 2017, 04:45:04 AM »

summer snap

salt sidewalks fried as holiday am/pm
time stepping in sideways slices towards
the warm-blue saturday suburban throb
of fresh-cut petrol grass & cold beer on a tray -
               - a waxsome moon drip-cools a blackened beach
                 slick as star-shells pinned on freighter horizons
                 cascading foam lines of hiss-kiss fretwork neon
                 behind breezes thick and forward through the air



12
Writing Games & Challenges / Re: Poetry Challenge # 152: Villanelle
« on: December 23, 2017, 05:34:03 PM »

Villanelles done properly. Ho-hum.   

http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=53427.0


13
Review My Poetry / Re: midnight Dreams-song
« on: December 14, 2017, 04:06:18 PM »


Nice to see you stretching a little there, Delta Tango Foxtrot. I suggest you tidy up the SPaG elements as a first revision. your > you're (S1L4) and some inconsistency with thru and through. The texture is a little schmaltzy but in a good way, I guess. Try and find alternatives for dream/dreams/dreaming to cut down the repetition a bit. The phrase 'midnight dreams' is core to the piece both in syntax and content. These words are a little tainted with cliche so some variation there could be considered too.
Just my opinion, use what you can, ignore what doesn't resonate. The main thing is to write from the heart, technique follows with practice.
I can tell from your writing, the nice sense of personal satisfaction you're feeling - not because you think your poems are great - but because you're writing and posting and writing more poems.
Try reading a draft aloud, feeling for rhythm, and adjust any sections where the pace seems to stumble or the words give off discordant sounds that interfere with the flow of the lines. Hope this helps ~ Mike Tango  8)

         

14
Review My Poetry / Re: Original revision
« on: December 14, 2017, 03:36:44 PM »

Wow, thanks for all the encouraging comments; Linda, Matty, Dave, Richard, and Dansinger. And thanks again to Sharon for initial comment. So nice to see such a raft of members putting down words - I hope you all plan on supporting Tom with his Poetry Challenge.   

15
Review My Poetry / Re: Sandy Hook
« on: December 14, 2017, 03:26:50 PM »

Quite a powerful angle to look at that horrific massacre. The last line of S1 is poignant.

Something about the final couplet feels off - I think it may be the present tense in the last line after the 5-year lapse is established in the second last line, also in present tense. Not sure.   

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