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Messages - Michael Edits

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 89
1
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: July 04, 2018, 09:16:25 AM »
News: "Boy George's reptile bites 5 people in one day."

He needs a calmer chameleon.

2
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: July 03, 2018, 09:41:18 PM »
Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie?
 Because he was too far out!

3
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: July 03, 2018, 09:25:47 PM »
How do you put a baby alien to sleep? You rocket.

4
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: July 03, 2018, 09:22:34 PM »
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

5
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: July 03, 2018, 05:45:13 PM »
I used to play the triangle in a reggae band but left because it was just one ting after another.

6
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: June 23, 2018, 11:53:17 AM »
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

7
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: June 16, 2018, 09:15:47 AM »
Went out last night for Halloween dressed as a chicken
Met a girl dressed as an egg.
A lifelong question was answered.

8
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: June 16, 2018, 09:11:13 AM »
Alan and Lorraine lived on a cove on Osoyoos Lake in British Columbia. It was early winter and the lower portion of the cove had frozen over. Alan asked Lorraine if she would walk across the frozen part of the cove to the general store and get him some smokes and beer. She asked him for some money, but he told her, "Nah, just put it on our tab. Old man Stacey won't mind."

So Lorraine, being the good wife walked across the ice, got the smokes and beer at the store and then walked back home across the cove. When she got home with the items she said, "Alan, you always tell me not to run up the tab at Stacey's store.  Why didn't you just give me some money?"

Alan replied, "Well, Lorraine, I didn't want to send you out there with cash when I wasn't sure how thick the ice was."

9
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: June 12, 2018, 08:32:56 AM »
Where do pirates park their cars?
In a gAAARRRage!

10
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: June 10, 2018, 07:15:31 AM »
Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.

11
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: June 02, 2018, 02:44:18 PM »
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"

12
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: June 02, 2018, 07:41:05 AM »
So I'm looking at all this gluten-free food in the world and thinking I'll need to start carrying my own shaker full of gluten to add to everything.

13
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: June 02, 2018, 07:01:06 AM »
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

14
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: June 01, 2018, 09:19:39 PM »
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote the Hokey-Pokey, died peacefully at home. He was 93. LaPrise's funeral was private, attended mostly by family and close acquaintances. The most traumatic part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in...and then the trouble started.

15
The Coffee Shop / Re: The Crap Joke Thread / Adult Content
« on: May 28, 2018, 10:01:27 AM »
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

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