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Review My Work / Willed the Waste - Chapter 1 (1/2; 745 words)
« on: January 10, 2018, 12:46:37 PM »
      Penel’s heart nearly beat out of her chest as a crowd of thousands ovated her first performance. She stood at the edge of the stage and raised her fist high. “Do you guys want another one?” she asked.

       The audience cheered louder.

       “I have one more!” She moved her fist across her chest.

       The crowd’s cheers faded into a cloud of groans.

       A man with neon-red hair in the audience raised his fist. “For magicians!” he shouted. The audience rumbled with complaints.

       Penel’s stomach turned.

       As the music began, a stage officer rushed into the crowd. He tackled the red-haired man, disappearing in the crowd.

       Penel leaped off the stage, but her manager grabbed her arm from his seat before she ran into the crowd. “Get back up there,” he said.

       “I won’t let an ACO assault magicians at my show,” Penel said, pulling her arm back.

       “This is ridiculous.”

       The music stopped. “Don't hurt him!” she yelled into the crowd.

      The officer dragged the red-haired man kicking and screaming from the amphitheater by his shirt. One woman spit at Penel’s feet.

       Penel pushed past her manager.

       “You'll only make it worse,” he said.

       Penel scoffed and bolted for the front gate.

       Outside the amphitheater, Penel froze as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. The officer and red-haired man wrestled on the ground.

       “Dirty mage!” the officer shouted, punching him in the face repeatedly.

       “Hey!” Penel stomped her foot. The officer turned to her.

       “Get off him,” she said.

       The officer stood up. “Oh no,” he said. “Is the little story-teller gonna hit us with her pretty braids?”

       “I got this,” the red-haired man said, sitting up. The officer turned around and kicked him in the jaw, spraying blood everywhere.
       Penel glared at the officer and brought her fist across her chest.
       The red-haired man curled into a fetal position and whispered to himself.

       The officer smirked. “Get ready to rot in prison, mage-sympathizer.” He pulled a knife from his belt and charged.

       Penel braced herself, but when the officer got close to her he was launched back ten feet.

       “ACO under attack!” he shouted, stumbling to his feet. His voice echoed into the sky and through the trees.

       The red-haired man jumped in front of Penel, grabbing at a punch meant for her.

       “No hitting,” he said.

       The officer pulled his fist back. “Stop resisting!” he yelled. He swung at the red-haired man.

        “Good one.” The red-haired man shoved the officer. He pressed his palms together in front of his nose and looked down. “What’s up with your pants?” he asked, smirking.

       The officer looked down. His pants tore off his body, knocking him to the ground. The pants bound his legs together.

       “Requesting backup immediately!” he shouted.

       “Up,” the red-haired man said.

       The pants yanked the officer off the ground and dropped him on his head, knocking him out. The pants’ grip loosened and they fell to the ground.

       The red-haired man smiled at Penel. “I never met a waste before,” he said.

       “A what?” Penel crossed her arms and furrowed her brow.

       He shook his head and grabbed Penel's shoulders. “Name's Tavin,” he said.

       Penel reluctantly grabbed his shoulders back. “Penel,” she said.

       Tavin scratched his head. “I thought the show was great,” he said.

       Another more gangly officer ran from the amphitheater.

       “Race you to the forest,” Tavin said, darting for the trees a few hundred yards away. Penel made sure the officer on the ground still had a pulse then sprinted to catch up with Tavin.

       The sun had already begun to set, so the few rays that pierced through the red and yellow foliage just barely lit Tavin before he disappeared in shadow. Penel ran into the forest, but stopped when she couldn’t see anything in front of her.

       She was yanked over to a tree by Tavin. “You’re a magician too, aren’t you?” he asked.

       Penel nodded. “Just not by trade.”

       Tavin let her go and peeked back around the tree.

        Hundreds of people poured from the amphitheater in a roar of complaints, the officer Tavin knocked out was wrestling with his pants, and the gangly officer was nearing the forest.

        “I got daddy long legs,” Tavin said. “If you can't fight Officer Tighty-Whitey, just run.” Penel stared blankly.
       Tavin jumped out of the shadows and waved to the gangly officer. He picked up speed. Tavin pranced down a more lit path, leading the officer away from Penel.

Welcome Board - START HERE! / Hey Everyone a MWC!
« on: January 10, 2018, 11:16:30 AM »
I'm C.E. Abrams. My current WIP is a YA fantasy novel. Its working title is "Willed the Waste". I'm twenty-two years old, and I'm still a huge amateur, so I need as much criticism as I can get. I also hope to make some good writing buddies here. Maybe find some critique partners along the way.

Anyways, I will probably be posting the first few pages of my novel after I critique a few posts in the other forums.

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