Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - bailish

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 238
The Coffee Shop / Re: The MWC Bar/Red Barren Bar
« on: August 14, 2018, 05:32:25 PM »
If you're serious about reviving this site, why not get links to writing blogs and ask those writing blogs to link back here? It gives this site exposure to the people we most want and increases the rankings in Google Search.

The Coffee Shop / Re: For lovers of to writing..
« on: July 15, 2018, 11:43:23 AM »
Like the design. Anybody here ever written with a quill pen?

All the Write Questions / Re: 3rd person & 1st person combo
« on: June 25, 2018, 12:18:12 PM »
Different viewpoints for different characters in different chapters is fine, but what you're talking about is mixing 1st and 3rd person. That's where I think the problem is. This way suggests that the character in 1st person is more important than the one in 3rd, but your description suggests they are parallel. Therefore, I'd suggest either both in 1st or both in 3rd, but not mixing them.

I'm also wondering about 3rd person not fitting a character, so you switch to 1st. The usual pattern is opposite, since 1st person is the more restrictive case.

Authors' Resource Centre / Re: Writer Manuscript Security
« on: June 13, 2018, 02:35:22 PM »
The first thing you should try is rebooting the machine and trying again. This usually clears the problem.

While it is possibly a virus, I haven't seen one like this in a long time, back around Office 2003 or earlier. You can usually fix this by rebooting the machine and trying again. On newer versions of Office, it's not likely. Instead, you should consider other possibilities.

1) The file is available on a network and another user -- perhaps you -- has it open on another machine. You can fix this by closing it on the other machine.
2) Your computer is available to different users, and someone logged in as a different user has left the file open. Rebooting the machine clears this problem.

I expect there are other possibilities, but those are the ones I can think of.

Review My Work / Re: Intro to a short story - 700ish words
« on: June 13, 2018, 12:53:37 PM »
I tried to access your Google Doc, but it told me I was denied access. The normal way to get reviews is to copy the text and paste it in this forum.

Writing Games & Challenges / Winner! Fiction #131
« on: January 07, 2018, 10:40:51 AM »
We have a winner! Congratulations, Mr. Barry.


The Gap

A bone chilling wind was blowing the fallen snow into towering drifts that made the landscape appear to be on some mysterious planet far away.  Far away was the key.  Anywhere but here. 

That is not how one is supposed to feel at Christmas, but it was the reality that year.  It was the beginning of what our family came to know as “The Gap”. 

I am the eldest child of seven.  Sadly, Child #6 died just as she was born.  I found Mother in the bathroom, unconscious, with a little purple baby beside her.  The aid car arrived, and took Mother and baby away.   

The next year was a blur for our whole family.  Mother never did recover from this tragedy, but it was revealed that we had another sibling on the way.   She was born healthy, and completed “The 6 Pack”.

For every family event we would line up by age, and there was always this gap near the end of the line.  No matter how close we stood, there was always an empty space where a little shining smile should have been. 

The Gap was especially evident the Christmas after our youngest sibling arrived.  Mother had closed herself off in grief, and Father simply threw himself into work.  He was away, training in the Navy, that holiday season. 

Our home was not decorated as it had been in past years, and there was no joy in the rooms or in the hearts of those living in those rooms.  I was ten years old, and was doing my best to keep things together.  I taught myself how to cook, and kept the house reasonably neat.  I learned to forge Mother’s signature on checks to pay bills, and to use similar forged checks to shop at the local store for necessities. 

But, I had no clue how to handle the upcoming holiday.  I didn’t know where the lights and decorations were, so I worried and directed a silent prayer to God.

On Christmas Eve day, our doorbell rang.  We did not have many visitors, so right away that was strange.   I cautiously answered, and there was our neighbor, “Rainy”.  Her name was really Renata, and she was a teenager. 
Oddly enough her parents were also at our door.   

Rainy said they noticed that we did not have a tree. She added that her family was going out of town for the holiday, and asked if we wanted to use their tree so it wouldn’t go to waste.   Astonished, I said OK and welcomed them into the house.   They proceeded to set up a completely decorated tree, and then even brought in several presents.  And just as quickly, they were gone.
My silent prayer was answered!
It was not until after the holidays had passed that I realized that Rainy and her family were Jewish.   

Writing Games & Challenges / Re: Sticky: Flash Fiction #131, --
« on: December 29, 2017, 04:14:15 PM »
One more week to go, folks! There's already one submission, so there will be a winner this time.

Pm your responses to me :   bailish

Review My Work / Re: Beggining of a fantasy epic -553 words
« on: December 29, 2017, 04:10:52 PM »
Just a couple of observations. Hope this helps!

The overall tone draws me in, and I want to read more.

Snow fell gently from the sky, like leaves on Autumn's eve as a man made his way through the darkness. Only the moon hung over the sky to keep him company, but even then, he knew that she did not shine for his sake.

'Leaves on autumn's eve' I don't associate this with gentle. I usually think of a windy day, more violent.

a man -- perhaps something more descriptive would be helpful here

           Her light was feeble for she did not shine out of joy, she only did so out of a old promise she had once made to this man. And even if he had broken his vow, even if he had betrayed the stars she held so dear, even if he had once claimed to love her, she would still shine for her word was absolute. But in the end this meant that she only illuminated the night for herself, to maintain her ego and pride, and not for the man who so desperately needed the light.

she did not shine for his sake.
she only did so out of a old promise she had once made to this man

Sounds contradictory.

The Gallery / Re: So…
« on: December 20, 2017, 10:03:48 AM »
So, yeah, I see what you mean.

The Gallery / Re: Keyboard Cat Walk
« on: December 20, 2017, 10:01:18 AM »
    Keyboard Cat Walk


Is this something like getting a thousand monkeys to type for a thousand years and coming up with the complete works of Shakespeare? 'Cause I don't see it. :-)

Review My Work / Re: First Liners - Would a publisher want to read more?
« on: December 20, 2017, 09:57:44 AM »

Mary Hannings couldn’t swim. At the age of seven she had watched her sister drown at sea and never got over it. 

Doesn't work for me, either. Telling us that she's watching it separates us from the action. I'd suggest rewriting without 'watch'

All the Write Questions / Re: Moral maze
« on: December 19, 2017, 11:06:21 AM »
Every time I read about a character making a decision different from what I would have made, I question myself. Do I make the right decisions? Should I consider changing my decision in such cases in the future?

I wouldn't say those characters are changing the world, but they might change how I fit into the world.

All the Write Questions / Re: Moral maze
« on: December 13, 2017, 11:03:35 AM »
I've heard it said that the best antagonist is the one who differs from the protagonist in only one issue. One of them is on the moral side of the issue and the other is on the immoral side. We as writers introduce ethics by having one side defeat the other. I would assume a writer not taking an ethical position means leaving the ending in the air.

This reminds me of 'No Country For Old Men', the story of a truly despicable evil character and a good guy who becomes threatened when he gets involved. I was so disappointed when I saw the movie where the ending is left incomplete that I read the book to see which one won in the end, but the book did exactly the same ending as the movie.

Writing Games & Challenges / Re: Sticky: Flash Fiction #131, --
« on: December 10, 2017, 02:38:10 AM »
I can tell you from personal experience the deadlines are pushed back because no one submits. It's hard to find a contest that inspires. I gave a longer deadline because the holidays are usually bad for participating. Why don't you prove me wrong and submit? Certainly you have something lying around that can be modified for the holiday season.

Writing Games & Challenges / Re: Sticky: Flash Fiction #131, --
« on: December 09, 2017, 10:54:34 AM »
In the hopes of inspiring submissions, I've put together a few fragments of mine. Feel free to plagiarize borrow these.

On the fence in each other's arms, we exhaled small frozen clouds, experiencing the white hush of the snow-covered ground. I tightened my arm around her shoulder and tilted my chin for a perfect kiss, the world disappearing in that eternal moment.

My car nosed its way through the flurries, the wheels skidding on the hairpin turns. How ironic for the holiday trip home to be so wrought with danger.

The doorbell rang. I rushed downstairs, knowing Mom would be panicking in the kitchen.
"Merry Christmas," the family of four standing outside the door said in unison.
I recognized my Aunt Hazel and Uncle Griffin in spite of their matching Christmas bells sweaters, but my cousins, Charlotte and Knox, had a few years' growth since our last meeting. My smile remained plastered on my face as we all hugged and I ushered them to our living room. Mom and Dad came from different directions to continue the hugs and greetings. As the adults caught up on their gossip, I took Charlotte and Knox upstairs.
Needing to say something appropriate in my position as hostess, I opted for the obvious. "So, you all have matching sweaters."
Charlotte, about my age, grimaced and said, "Yes."
Knox, a few years younger, glared at me. "I doubt the orange outfit for prisoners attracts more attention than these."
"Now, you two," I said. "Holidays are for mothers. You're making her happy to make up for all the problems she's had to correct for you throughout the year."

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 238