My Writers Circle

Workshop => Review My Work => Topic started by: "lorraineofkeli" on April 13, 2007, 06:54:29 PM

Title: article - The World Collides With A Pebble
Post by: "lorraineofkeli" on April 13, 2007, 06:54:29 PM
This is the opening intro to a blog article for a magazine.. It's meant to be..let's say original.. I use metaphors basically to create a story which will unfold and make more sense in the end..hopefully!  Let me know what you think please? Does it make you want to read more, or do you lose interest?

Here goes:


I am sleep deprived and my eyes are tired. My brain wills me to sleep in order for me to encounter dreams and mystical beings that lay dormant in my mind. Yet I do not sleep. Instead, I am here typing at my computer, and I am talking to you.

Thus the world collides with a pebble. The pebble is my id and the world is my ego. Each pursues its own objectives, but together they provide harmony. My ego is thrashing away at my inaudible id - although silent, it screams with its unsurpassed power. My ego is ultimately aggravated by my id's desires.

Come by next week to find out the details, and whether my ego rediscovered itself after my id threw the notion of a superego in its face.
Title: Re: article
Post by: Gyppo on April 13, 2007, 06:59:09 PM
I'd probably read on ;-)

A couple of things though.

1)  My ego is ultimately aggravated by? my id's desires

2)  after my id threw the notion of a superego (its = in?)  its face

Gyppo
Title: Re: article - The World Collides With A Pebble
Post by: "lorraineofkeli" on April 13, 2007, 07:19:58 PM
True true  Gyppo...now corrected.. thank you :)