My Writers Circle

Poets Corner => Review My Poetry => Topic started by: lfostersbrother on July 17, 2021, 09:40:13 AM

Title: First poem
Post by: lfostersbrother on July 17, 2021, 09:40:13 AM
First attempt at poetry, if you can call it that.

It's called 'Life'

Growth resonates with letters that are etched upon a stage
stained as if its natural yet rained as fake perceived,
thrives like sunlight to the flower,
unable to stand alone, held by the cane that enables the pain to be unleashed,
life pushed to the limits with a gimmick of tribal success,
the seed if nourished will be lean with courage,
Both beams allowed to see life like the essence of breath,
pictured like a polaroid left wafting in the breeze,
time takes all including that picture soon to be seen.
Title: Re: First poem
Post by: jt72 on July 17, 2021, 12:14:06 PM
First attempt at poetry, if you can call it that.

It's called 'Life'

Growth resonates with letters that are etched upon a stage
stained as if its natural yet rained as fake perceived,
thrives like sunlight to the flower,
unable to stand alone, held by the cane that enables the pain to be unleashed,
life pushed to the limits with a gimmick of tribal success,
the seed if nourished will be lean with courage,
Both beams allowed to see life like the essence of breath,
pictured like a polaroid left wafting in the breeze,
time takes all including that picture soon to be seen.

"Life" is a beautiful  poem. I think the only thing it 'might' need is to be broken
into stanzas. Just an example:

            Life

Growth resonates with letters
that are etched upon a stage
Stained as if its natural yet
rained as fake perceived,
thrives like sunlight to the
flower

Unable to stand alone, held by
the cane that enables the pain
to be unleashed

Life pushed to the limits with
a gimmick of tribal success,
The seed if nourished will be
lean with courage

Both beams allowed to see life
like the essence of breath
Pictured like a polaroid left
wafting in the breeze.

Time takes all including that
Picture soon to be seen.

 
Your poem defines the fleeing of time.
What is life except our time spent?
Thank you for sharing this.
   jt
Title: Re: First poem
Post by: denbrown1990 on September 09, 2021, 06:05:36 AM
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