My Writers Circle

Poets Corner => Review My Poetry => Topic started by: dlp on June 08, 2021, 03:32:22 PM

Title: whip master-revivited
Post by: dlp on June 08, 2021, 03:32:22 PM
Blithering,
yes blithering.
I am exhumed from the tangled morass
of mundane delusions.
Sweetly I am kissed by the ego-alien.

Megalomaniac !

So twist me gently,
my thrashing whip master.
And twist me again.
Title: Re: whip master-revivited
Post by: PIA on June 17, 2021, 05:06:52 PM
I feel that the last stanza was a missed chance to be a haiku. the 2nd line just needs one more syllable.

I like how (Megalomaniac !) can either refer to the whip master or the person being exhumed and kissed by the ego-alien
Title: Re: whip master-revivited
Post by: dlp on July 26, 2021, 08:36:40 PM
how would you do it.  i can't think of a way