My Writers Circle

Poets Corner => Review My Poetry => Topic started by: indar on May 29, 2020, 05:37:18 PM

Title: In Daylight
Post by: indar on May 29, 2020, 05:37:18 PM
The dying body beneath him
gushed feces and urine.
He leaned forward, harder,
fingered himself from his pocket
in secret joy.
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: ssilvs on July 22, 2020, 11:31:11 PM
well, this is certainly something. gotta say, nothing about this guy’s “joy” sounds secret  ;D
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: Nora on September 06, 2020, 01:28:43 PM
I have to say, I feel a little dirty now having read that
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: Sheena on November 06, 2020, 06:54:39 AM
I am confused. Not sure if I am less intellectual to understand the poem or it is so simple and I am trying to read between the lines.
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: Nora on November 06, 2020, 11:11:25 AM
The dying body beneath him
gushed feces and urine.
He leaned forward, harder,
fingered himself from his pocket
in secret joy.

I'm not about to comment on your intellectual ability; the following is just how I see "In Daylight". So it appears to be either a little story about someone who fatally attacked another human being, who is masturbating over that person in their death throes; or about someone who comes across that other human being in the process of dying who proceeds in the same way. I definitely need a shower again.
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: drab on November 07, 2020, 08:54:51 PM
It's about the black man who was suffocated by a police man in America a few months ago; it describes the event...no shower required!
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: Nora on November 08, 2020, 04:04:55 PM
OK, that context puts a whole new light on it.
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: Royal Kumari on December 05, 2020, 01:51:15 AM
Context helps. I work with individuals suffering from paraphilia so I took it some way. Wondering if that was the intention to strike parallel with atrocity/ depravity.
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: Nora on December 05, 2020, 06:35:24 PM
I am not familiar with paraphilia but it's a good question
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: delilah22 on January 21, 2021, 12:09:24 PM
I am confused. Not sure if I am less intellectual to understand the poem or it is so simple and I am trying to read between the lines.

I think that it is quite a plain poem, conveying everything it has to, using the words it is spun with.
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: indar on February 16, 2021, 02:37:44 PM
Well, this is a surprise. I logged on to search for an old, old poem I posted here never suspecting this poem would still be under discussion. I posted it after George Floyd was killed near where I once lived in Minneapolis. In my imagination, as the dying body gushed in a death throes, the officer experienced some kind of arousal as is sometimes the case when certain people kill. No idea if that's accurate in this case but it had that look and there were questions about his hand in his "pocket".

Thank you all for the reads and comments.
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: Royal Thorn 78 on February 19, 2021, 12:00:54 PM
Incredible poem.  What a gem nestled amid this detritus.
This is how to write a poem. :)
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: crch on March 01, 2021, 06:01:28 PM
I love it!  Different and bold.
 It is always interesting to hear the inspiration behind it.
More?


Roy - Detritus?! 
Great word, but... golly.
Reread mine! ;D


Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: indar on March 01, 2021, 06:49:29 PM
Thank you crch. I looked at your poem as suggested in the above post and actually loved the back story as a piece of powerful writing. I also posted an old poem of mine. Its not the same theme as "In Daylight" but it is about intolerance of those who are different from ourselves, our tribes, race, culture...
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: indar on March 01, 2021, 06:56:13 PM
Context helps. I work with individuals suffering from paraphilia so I took it some way. Wondering if that was the intention to strike parallel with atrocity/ depravity.

I suspect paraphilia (which I had to google) might come into play and it might be somewhat situation specific. Thank you RK (if I may) for adding another dimension to the discussion
Title: Re: In Daylight
Post by: crch on March 01, 2021, 07:07:04 PM
Paraphilia - interesting
(I googled it!)

This is why I love to read.  It takes me to places unknown and creates conversation - even if it is within myself!

Thanks for sharing.