My Writers Circle

Poets Corner => Review My Poetry => Topic started by: indar on May 12, 2019, 12:25:38 PM

Title: Meditation
Post by: indar on May 12, 2019, 12:25:38 PM
April was National Poetry Month. The NaPo challenge is held online by several poetry/writing forums. The writer commits to writing one poem a day and posting it no matter what. Fellow posters comment but the understanding is we can razz one another but NO serious critique.

Of the 30 poems there are bound to be some that offer material for further editing. I am still sorting through some of my writing from last year's challenge. Here is one written April3, 2018. I am in the process of editing and invite serious critiques:



A Guided Meditation on Three Ways to Look at Triangles.


Let us begin:

three sides, three corners
three categories. Repeat their names,

Equilateral, Scaline, Isoceles.


Commonality

Stretch them to their extreme forms:

Acute, Right, Obtuse.


Visualize.

Spin them into three dimensions:

Liminality.

Now, the moment of supreme
understanding:
leave the world of three dimensions, enter five.

Cosmology, Mythology, Apology

When did you realize
the pyramids of Egypt are not hollow?

Menkaure, Khafre, Giza.

When did you discover adults lie?
Title: Re: Meditation
Post by: Mark T on May 12, 2019, 04:30:28 PM

In the satiric novel Good as Gold by Joseph Heller, the question is asked: what are the two sides of a triangle?

I like this geometric writing and the end line swerve packs impact. 
Title: Re: Meditation
Post by: poet-e on May 12, 2019, 06:22:11 PM
Feels like math class...

Like the title, but what'd shortening it do?  e.g., Triangular Meditations

These last 4 stanzas feel different from the rest of the poem; perhaps the Qs differ from the yoga-like Meditation above:
Cosmology, Mythology, Apology

When did you realize
the pyramids of Egypt are not hollow?

Menkaure, Khafre, Giza.

When did you discover adults lie?
Title: Re: Meditation
Post by: indar on May 13, 2019, 02:29:35 AM
These last 4 stanzas feel different from the rest of the poem

The word "Liminality" is supposed to mark the threshold between the mundane and a recognition of some kind of truth or a moment of enlightenment.  The poem should change in tenor at that point.

Maybe its too jarring?

Thank you for the read and comments
Title: Re: Meditation
Post by: poet-e on May 13, 2019, 06:57:30 AM
Hey, it's your poem.  Do what works for you!   :D
Title: Re: Meditation
Post by: indar on May 21, 2019, 03:41:37 PM
n the satiric novel Good as Gold by Joseph Heller, the question is asked: what are the two sides of a triangle?

I like this geometric writing and the end line swerve packs impact. 



Hey Mark,

I missed your comment at the beginning of the responses on this thread--hope you get back to it as I have a profound answer; The two sides are the ones you can slide down they rest on something entirely different--the base
Title: Re: Meditation
Post by: AntonioM on July 09, 2019, 03:15:15 PM
Very interesting. I'll have to do some research.

Antonio
Title: Re: Meditation
Post by: indar on July 10, 2019, 09:47:58 AM
Thank you for the read Antonio,

Poetry, whether I am reading something written by someone else or writing one myself, leads me to research some unexpected subjects. One of the side benefits.