My Writers Circle

Poets Corner => Review My Poetry => Topic started by: poet-e on April 25, 2019, 10:59:52 PM

Title: Raven (thinking of starting my collection of poetry with this)
Post by: poet-e on April 25, 2019, 10:59:52 PM
Feathers ruffle in the wind that are fully covered in ashes,
but no sackcloth.  Black, as crisp as a clear night.  Almost

like my blood browned, once cream dress, tattered and torn,
aged eroding by the elements…only darker.

What happened that you only use one foot
to hobble on, instead of walking straight on two? 

Why couldn’t He have given me wings
to soar, like you do, like all birds do?

Deep bottom of the sea eyes glistening darkness—
a moonlightless night with dancing shadows. 

You don’t seem to care that you can’t walk
well, with your chest proud, preaching perching on the branch above me.

I didn’t think it mattered much that I cannot walk, until
I landed here, living under this tree.

Dagger claws that could rip my eyes
out…at least one of us would eat.

Couldn’t your ancestor find an olive leaf for Noah? 
Where did he go when the water dried up from the earth?

Cah cah cries.
Do you even know that

you and your kind
are unclean?  Unclean.

Why would He make us—the unclean? 
Title: Re: Raven (thinking of starting my collection of poetry with this)
Post by: poetryman123 on April 27, 2019, 11:24:06 AM
This reminded me of Edgar Allan Poe's poem the raven, has that aesthetic. Anyway I loved the poem.
Title: Re: Raven (thinking of starting my collection of poetry with this)
Post by: poet-e on April 27, 2019, 05:50:59 PM
Thanks!
Title: Re: Raven (thinking of starting my collection of poetry with this)
Post by: poet-e on April 29, 2019, 12:22:37 AM
and is this footnote ok:
According to Blu Greenberg (author of On Women and Judaism: A View From Tradition and How to Run a Traditional Jewish Household), traditional Jewish views of “uncleanness” are misinterpreted and are better understood as purity laws and rituals.  Jodi Magness explains in “Jesus and His Jewish Influences” (a 2015 Great Courses Audio series) that people in Jesus’ time were for the most part in continual uncleanness, except for priests during their temple stays.  However, Searching for Kadesh [my poetry manuscript] examines uncleanness more from the context of exclusion and as a literary device.
Title: Re: Raven (thinking of starting my collection of poetry with this)
Post by: KMStarling on May 11, 2019, 06:52:48 PM
I really enjoyed this. You incorporated so many elements that I not only enjoy reading in poetry, but in any form of writing. The mood, flow, and atmosphere was delightful. Good job, I'm sure there are criticisms to be made, but not from me.

Look forward to reading more of your work. :)
Title: Re: Raven (thinking of starting my collection of poetry with this)
Post by: poet-e on May 11, 2019, 07:38:48 PM
Thank you.  Deciding whether I like this enuf to keep as the opening poem.  Plan to post more of my collection of poetry soon.