My Writers Circle

Poets Corner => Review My Poetry => Topic started by: AntonioM on January 26, 2018, 05:53:54 PM

Title: Kitchen Knife
Post by: AntonioM on January 26, 2018, 05:53:54 PM
We walk well within ourselves
certainty finds its way through our veins
in moments when taking flesh means
the difference in life and living,

I grate garlic with a surrendered spirit
fully-automated cooking machine—
Title: Re: Kitchen Knife
Post by: duck on January 31, 2018, 07:40:48 AM
Hi Antonio
Shouldn't this be called kitchen machine rather than kitchen knife? Punctuation at the end of line 1 or even better IMO cut lines 1 and 2. The last two lines have some effect but are such a mouthful and I have no idea which spirit has been surrended.
This is not really saying too much to me though I getthat it is trying to say a lot. Maybe it's the mixed metaphors - walking doesn't seemed connected to veins/blood/flesh/garlic/spirit/cooking
Dave