My Writers Circle

The Coffee Shop => The Gallery => Topic started by: Gyppo on December 15, 2015, 12:03:55 PM

Title: Woodsmoke in the lane.
Post by: Gyppo on December 15, 2015, 12:03:55 PM
Been thinning out some of my old paper copies today and I found this from 2003.  I still vaguely remember the dream which triggered it.

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Woodsmoke in the lane.

I smell the woodsmoke in the lane,
the travelling folk are here again.
I take my hat, put on my boots,
to visit as the first owl hoots.

Faces from a previous life,
a girl who never became my wife.
Long dogs drowsing by the fire
gaze mournfully at this 'pen for hire'.

Lines on a palm, tracks on the ground,
a CD plays 'wild fiddle' sounds.
The girl is now another's wife,
he grins at me as he whets his knife.

But people change, and tides move on,
my feelings for that girl have gone.
I read a palm and tell some lies
then it's sunrise as the damned time flies.

The motors start, the tyres churn
as off they go some cash to earn.
Then I awake to loss and pain
for the woodsmoke's only in my brain.

Gyppo - July 27 2003
Title: Re: Woodsmoke in the lane.
Post by: Alice, a Country Gal on December 15, 2015, 12:28:45 PM
Gyppo, this one is new to me. But I'm so glad you posted it.

You painted a picture of words showing all the needed pictures to create a whole scene and the emotions that go with it.

Wish I could borrow your way with words at times. This is one of those times.  ;)
Title: Re: Woodsmoke in the lane.
Post by: Desiderio Paz on December 15, 2015, 02:13:45 PM
The woodsmoke is vividly in my brain now too. Thanks for sharing.
Title: Re: Woodsmoke in the lane.
Post by: heidi52 on December 15, 2015, 04:21:00 PM
You had me at the title.  ;D
Title: Re: Woodsmoke in the lane.
Post by: Frogg on February 04, 2016, 01:14:02 PM
I love this.
Title: Re: Woodsmoke in the lane.
Post by: Gyppo on February 04, 2016, 03:53:50 PM
Thankyou.
Title: Re: Woodsmoke in the lane.
Post by: Jo Bannister on February 12, 2016, 05:08:16 AM
Very enjoyable, Gyppo.  Loved the guy grinning as he whetted his knife!
Title: Re: Woodsmoke in the lane.
Post by: Gyppo on February 12, 2016, 07:02:27 AM
Thanks, Jo.

Re knife:  One of those unspoken symbolic gestures.  Largely theatrical, but...

Some people like to remind you they won the prize, even if you stopped competing a long time ago ;-)

Gyppo
Title: Re: Woodsmoke in the lane.
Post by: SMDarling on February 12, 2016, 10:31:04 AM
I love this! It has a lot of emotion in it, which is my favorite thing in writing. Sometimes I like to memorize poems for fun, and this is one I want to put on my "to memorize" list (if that'd be okay ;) )

~applause~
Title: Re: Woodsmoke in the lane.
Post by: Gyppo on February 12, 2016, 07:59:45 PM
If it sticks in your memory it would be ill-mannered of me to say no.
Title: Re: Woodsmoke in the lane.
Post by: Catherine F on March 03, 2016, 11:21:32 AM
I loved reading this Gyppo, everything's right :  feelings, images,  rhythm, rimes. It's got all I look for in a poem  :)

Thank you for sharing.
Title: Re: Woodsmoke in the lane.
Post by: Gyppo on March 05, 2016, 04:27:18 AM
Cheers, M'Dear.  Glad you enjoyed it.

Gyppo