My Writers Circle

Poets Corner => Review My Poetry => Topic started by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 04:28:01 PM

Title: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 04:28:01 PM
Right time, right place – apparently –
a dodgy estate where the roads have eyes
but we find the address
after checking over fences
and work out numbers for residences.

Red, pearlised, an affection for the Devil,
but ‘Diablo’ is pleasing nonetheless,
guess satanic temptation is at work,
which suits me fine, but I’ll check
and pretend I’m not taken yet.

No scratches, two good tyres,
decent brakes and small engine,
low insurance. Just what I need.
No sun roof to leak, or fancy key
that costs a fortune to replace.

I take a test run. The pedals are light
it feels like a dodgem car, but
I like it. The gears are easy,
the exchange can be haggled,
the mechanic gives me a guide price.

It’s mine – all mine – and when
I fix the small repairs, Jezebel
will rule the road and slice through
traffic at speed, sleek, refined
and gleaming her pedigree.
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: bri h on May 24, 2014, 04:31:41 PM
Still in the process of betrayal with your car, ay?  ;D

I noticed you have no 'quote marks' at the beginning or end of this.  ::)   ;D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 04:37:42 PM
It may be a Saturday . . . but I'm still on a working week -- no 'quotes' from me to cause problems. ;D ;D ;D ;D

Got a good deal from a breaker's yard. The front driver's wing has bubbles all around the edge near the wheel arch -- not full rust yet, but not pretty. I'll be getting a new panel, right colour, right model and fitted for £40. Have to see what else I can cannibalise from the vehicle. Needs bulbs for the MFD -- I hope it's a full new unit, not essential to life, I know, but when something is new to you, you like it to have everything working and looking good. Bro' has also managed to get 4 alloy wheel trims for under £100 so that'll prettify Jezebel too. :D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 04:41:12 PM
I suspect the little-known poetry term siobhanic speed is now headed for wider status.
 ;D
Congrats on the wheels, kid - have fun... and make friends with a mechanic.

  
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 04:47:42 PM
Ha ha! I have found his address based on identifying his van, and a loose description of where he lives . . . he's the one with the diagnostics testing equipment too . . . very handy is our Maurice -- just a few streets away. ;D ;D ;D

Only down side -- I'm in a panic to get Jezebel sorted so junior can take her across to London over the summer and earn enough to pay his tuition fees. I won't get her until September and he'll probably steal her if he's not living up at uni -- don't know what his arrangements are yet. Sometimes I really resent mummy sacrifices. >:(
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 04:54:59 PM

The egyptians started it, i guess... were my uni sprog - I'd steal him a flash mountain bike - and let him win in the traffic against the car. 
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: bri h on May 24, 2014, 04:57:20 PM
MFD? Please not 'mo' fo-in' dashboard'? Surely not? heh heh. xbx
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 05:02:13 PM
Multi-function display. :D

Er -- it's a brave few miles away, Mark. :D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: bri h on May 24, 2014, 05:04:06 PM
Multi-function display. :D

Er -- it's a brave few miles away, Mark. :D

Not forgetting a little ocean to cross either.  ;D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 05:05:16 PM
Ah, no -- he's home . . . but up at the coast. Only going to London for the summer because of better employment prospects and to be with his brothers. ;)
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 05:07:34 PM
Multi-function display. :D

Er -- it's a brave few miles away, Mark. :D

I'd throw an alarm clock into the deal as well.  :D What about a motorbike then? Too much for the nerves?   
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 05:09:10 PM
It's finding the pennies to buy a bike and then organising road tax/MOT/insurance etc.
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Gyppo on May 24, 2014, 05:19:39 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHvn1VH7q0E
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 05:20:36 PM
Exactly, Gyppo! :D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 05:23:17 PM
you know, i've got these two vintage-type cars just rusting away outside in the rain year by year, a 1971 crew-cab VW Kombi pickup with a engineer-rebuild 1800 VW Golf engine in it. And a '78 Beetle.

The licences have lapsed and so there they stand... because my daily drivers are an Isuzu 250Dc 4x4 and a modern VW Tdi Transporter trucky. Plus a quadbike. And two tractors and a TLB. There's also a new Toyota Landcruiser in the background. Too many goddam wheels, don't let me get started on the trailers and shit.

  
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 05:24:34 PM
Play with them! Restore them to their former glory or make a bob or two from spare parts. ;)
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: bri h on May 24, 2014, 05:25:42 PM
Trailers for carrying shit? You 'over-the-pond-ers' get all the good ideas.  ;D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 05:36:49 PM

ha ha, they do... as in shitloads of horse manure... and sheepshit, plenty chickenshit too
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 05:37:55 PM
Where does all this shit land? Can't you use it as fertiliser for some wondrous vegetable patch?
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 05:39:50 PM
Play with them! Restore them to their former glory or make a bob or two from spare parts. ;)

I wanna flog or swap the Kombi for an XT500 motorbike. Our slang for bikes here is 'boneys' - don't ask me why...
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 05:45:34 PM
Getcher Kombi making money! ;) Advertise.
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: heidi52 on May 24, 2014, 05:46:32 PM
Something else we have in common, second hand cars and a mechanic named Maurice.  :o  How funny is that.

Enjoy it while the honeymoon lasts. Sadly, Jezebel will probably break your heart someday.
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 05:47:34 PM
Where does all this shit land? Can't you use it as fertiliser for some wondrous vegetable patch?

eeh gum, townsfolk be asking foolish questions... what else does one want with manure but to make   organic fertiliser. I have these pits dug about ten feet into a bank and make giant heaps of steamy, wholesome compost, turn it with the digger.      
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 05:48:43 PM
If Jezebel lasts a year, I'll be happy. :D

Weird coincidence or what?
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: bri h on May 24, 2014, 05:49:09 PM
Isn't 'digger' Oz lingo for a friend? ha ha
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 05:49:29 PM
eeh gum, townsfolk be asking foolish questions... what else does one want with manure but to make   organic fertiliser. I have these pits dug about ten feet into a bank and make giant heaps of steamy, wholesome compost, turn it with the digger.      

Then why the hell do you need a trailer? Just get that shovel moving! :D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 05:50:45 PM
Then why the hell do you need a trailer? Just get that shovel moving! :D

Need trailers to fetch the shit, we do plants not livestock, thank god.
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 05:54:59 PM
Ah, shit fetching, not shit distribution . . . okay. :D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 06:00:45 PM

Shit, gone a little bit off topic here - hope it all goes well and the car earns its name - very enjoyable  feel-good poem, Sio. 
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 06:04:45 PM
Cheers hon' you know I don't mind chat on any of the threads I start . . . who knows what they might inspire? :o

Expecting a trailer and chicken shit poem from you any time soon. ;D

Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 06:06:04 PM

the ordure wafts while the wheel squeaks
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: CorneliusPoe on May 24, 2014, 06:06:35 PM
Here back on topic: http://cambridgemuseum.org.nz/Poems/FrSlFrdCr.htm

The first is one my grandfather would recite. Never knew where he got it. Strange coinsidence  that the author spells tires in exactly the wrong way Sio does, but what the hell.

I Never saw the response before today and your poem sent me off on a dig.
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 06:06:55 PM
Great opening line. ;D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 06:08:05 PM
Here back on topic: http://cambridgemuseum.org.nz/Poems/FrSlFrdCr.htm

The first is one my grandfather would recite. Never knew where he got it. Strange coinsidence  that the author spells tires in exactly the wrong way Sio does, but what the hell.

I Never saw the response before today and your poem sent me off on a dig.

Ha, ha, ha, ha . . . tyres -- when you still respected your language heritage. ;D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: CorneliusPoe on May 24, 2014, 06:11:03 PM
I found it on a Cambridge site. I assume the transcriber just mangled it :P
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: bri h on May 24, 2014, 06:12:55 PM
Never trust someone from Cambridge. There are a lot of 'punts' there.  ;D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 06:13:04 PM
How very dare you! :o ;D  Mangled? Mangled? Oh dear, dear, dear -- isn't it so much simpler to have a word spelt in such a way that it isn't confused with being fatigued? ::)
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: CorneliusPoe on May 24, 2014, 06:17:07 PM
If I actual admit to agreeing then I can't have any more fun. Oh, I know I'll go after '"colour".  As a consolation I always spell grey your way :)
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 06:28:17 PM

Proofreader question: identify a word where the US spelling is longer than the UK spelling - there is at least one
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 06:30:37 PM
Pray tell . . .  ::)
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 06:31:30 PM

Maybe once you get to 60 000 posts, newbie  ;D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: bri h on May 24, 2014, 06:33:21 PM
Spelt = Spelled? (I think you may get advised off a mod to ask this in its own thread, Mark)
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 06:36:47 PM
When did you cross the Atlantic, Bri'? Spelt, dreamt, leant, burnt . . .  puleese! :o
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 06:47:14 PM

here with my spoon

spell1 // v.tr. (past and past part. spelled or esp. Brit. spelt)
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: bri h on May 24, 2014, 06:47:38 PM
When did you have a humour by-pass, shvon? I was takin' the Piss. Jeez-Louise. ha ha. Gnight all. B
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 06:48:53 PM
Bri' seems like you are the one getting uptight. I was only being playful. ;D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 24, 2014, 06:49:34 PM

here's the answer before there's any Violence

US fulfill
UK fulfil
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 06:52:03 PM
Ah, bless . . .  ;D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Gyppo on May 24, 2014, 06:53:20 PM
Proofreader question: identify a word where the US spelling is longer than the UK spelling - there is at least one

burgle
burglarize

burgled
burglarized

burgling
burglarizing

I'm sure there are others.

Gyppo
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 24, 2014, 06:55:35 PM
They make up words to sound erudite . . .  ;D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Gyppo on May 24, 2014, 07:19:28 PM
Stirrer ;-)

In one of Jack Higgins 'Sean Dillon' novels Dillon's  London gangster sidekick quotes something from a philosopher, probably Heidegger.

"Very erudite, Billy.  Says Dillon.

"Don't take the piss, Dillon." Billy responds.  "I know what erudite means.  It means I'm a clever bugger."
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: bri h on May 24, 2014, 08:32:16 PM
Bri' seems like you are the one getting uptight. I was only being playful. ;D

As I was. You said 'puh-leese'. I said 'Jeeze-louise'. I was playing on our 'play-on-words'.  ;D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 25, 2014, 03:06:26 AM

A clear caze of yankee bastardization

burgle
burglarize

burgled
burglarized

burgling
burglarizing

I'm sure there are others.

Gyppo
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: lan on May 25, 2014, 04:32:06 AM
Got
Gotten



Congrats for the wheels Sio
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Gyppo on May 25, 2014, 05:21:54 AM
A clear caze of yankee bastardization


Mark,

I've come across this before and never fully understood.  Please take pity on a poor innocent soul from the UK and explain whaty makes some people yankee and some not.  Is is a geographical divide, a cultural divide, or what?  I really would like to know.

Gyppo 
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 25, 2014, 05:34:04 AM
generalisation . . . American Civil War http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confederate_States_of_America

Yankee
/ˈjaŋki/

noun
informal

noun: Yankee; plural noun: Yankees; noun: Yankee jib; plural noun: Yankee jibs

1.
derogatory
an American.

2.
US
an inhabitant of New England or one of the northern states.

•historical
a Federal soldier in the Civil War.

3.
a bet on four or more horses to win (or be placed) in different races.

4.
Sailing
a large jib set forward of a staysail in light winds.

5.
a code word representing the letter Y, used in radio communication.

Origin
Dutch >>> Dutch >>>
Jan        >   Janke    >    Yankee
John       >>>>>>>>     mid-18th century
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: lan on May 25, 2014, 05:45:59 AM
Quote
Dutch >>> Dutch >>>
Jan        >   Janke    >    Yankee
John       >>>>>>>>     mid-18th century

Hey. That's me!
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: CorneliusPoe on May 25, 2014, 11:44:37 AM

Origin
Dutch >>> Dutch >>>
Jan        >   Janke    >    Yankee
John       >>>>>>>>     mid-18th century


And the Federals in the Civil War called Southern soldiers "Johnny Rebs", so if I read this right both sides were deriding each other with essentially the same term? Very cool.
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 25, 2014, 12:23:26 PM
Poor old John -- he gets a rough time of it. ::)
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: CorneliusPoe on May 25, 2014, 02:46:13 PM
We should start a support group. We haven't even gotten to Mr. Barleycorn.
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 25, 2014, 02:48:52 PM
 . . . and the letters the poor guy gets. ::) Dear John,

Never mind John Doe. :o
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: bri h on May 25, 2014, 03:00:24 PM
 . . . and don't forget 'Johnny' from France?  ::)
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: CorneliusPoe on May 25, 2014, 03:01:15 PM
Oh Deere!
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 25, 2014, 03:26:07 PM
Mr Appleseed too . . .
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: bri h on May 25, 2014, 05:27:53 PM
Or 'come-lately' . . . ?
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Gyppo on May 25, 2014, 05:40:40 PM
Better than being known as Johnny-come-early ;-)
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: heidi52 on May 25, 2014, 05:57:12 PM
Can we go back to spelt?
Everyone knows that's an ancient wheat.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spelt
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 25, 2014, 06:29:37 PM
burnt, leant, dreamt, shone . . .  ;D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Mark T on May 26, 2014, 01:33:47 AM

Extract from my MS. The woman is trying to seduce the guy (again) to get him to sign some business documents.

She placed a spiked boot-heel onto Basher’s groin as the song ended. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘what do you think?’
‘I think I want to have sexual intercourse.’
Melda laughed. ‘Not so fast, big boy. I thought we could play hooker and john.’
‘John who?’
‘John is American slang for a hooker’s client.’
‘I thought that’s what they called their toilets.’
‘That too.’
‘I guess not too many babies in America are named John anymore.’
Melda steered the conversation away from toilets and babies. ‘So, the idea of this sex game is that you pay me and I’ll do whatever you want.’
‘Whatever I want?’
‘That’s right.’
‘Okay, I want you to lick your elbow.’

Interesting the early Dutch influenece in America. I believe the term 'honky' originates from the suburb of Yonkers in NY, originally Honkers.
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: pnokio on May 31, 2014, 03:41:37 PM
I’ve enjoyed this Siobhan, but I think you’re not at your best - possibly because it’s a bit too open and everyday?  Maybe that’s just me.  As always it’s very well put together.  I like ‘where the roads have eyes’ – you know, it’s better than imagining eyes behind windows,  more sinister I think, more absolutely distrusting and suspicious. I think you can safely omit ‘and’ from the last line, and perhaps place ‘so’ before ‘low insurance’ to round the thought off?  :)
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on May 31, 2014, 03:50:39 PM
Cheers, pnokio. ;) ;) ;)

Right time, right place – apparently –
a dodgy estate where the roads have eyes
but we find the address
after checking over fences
and work out numbers for residences.

Red, pearlised, an affection for the Devil,
but ‘Diablo’ is pleasing nonetheless,
guess satanic temptation is at work,
which suits me fine, but I’ll check
and pretend I’m not taken yet.

No scratches, two good tyres,
decent brakes and small engine,
low insurance. Just what I need. [not keen on adding 'so' here, looks funny and breaks the 4/4 rhythm of the line IMO]
No sun roof to leak, or fancy key
that costs a fortune to replace.

I take a test run. The pedals are light
it feels like a dodgem car, but
I like it. The gears are easy,
the exchange can be haggled,
the mechanic gives me a guide price.

It’s mine – all mine – and when
I fix the small repairs, Jezebel
will rule the road and slice through
traffic at speed, sleek, refined
and gleaming her pedigree.


We'll see on Wednesday . . .  ;)
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on June 04, 2014, 05:23:23 PM
So . . . Jezebel failed her MOT at 8:00 this morning [scatter beam in the headlamp -- new bulb sorted that] managed to get a re-test [£18.50] at 2:45 this afternoon and 30 seconds saw her through. Off to County Hall to get her taxed, now I could produce both insurance and MOT certificates -- ta-dah -- she is deemed roadworthy and is legal!


Here's to Jez. :D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: CorneliusPoe on June 04, 2014, 05:28:00 PM
3 cheers for Jezzy,

Hurrah!
Hurrah!
Hurrah!
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on June 04, 2014, 05:34:07 PM
***flourish and curtsey***

Why, I thank you, Mr Poe, thank you very much. ;D
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: Gyppo on June 05, 2014, 07:06:47 AM
managed to get a re-test [£18.50] at 2:45 this afternoon and 30 seconds saw her through.

That's a nice hourly rate ;-)
Title: Re: She Will Rule
Post by: 510bhan on June 05, 2014, 07:07:16 AM
Not bad, eh? :o ;D