My Writers Circle

The Coffee Shop => The Gallery => Topic started by: Dylan di Vilde on March 24, 2014, 05:28:08 AM

Title: X reg Corsa
Post by: Dylan di Vilde on March 24, 2014, 05:28:08 AM
       

I know, I can clearly foresee
that your car will be wrapped round a tree.
I don’t channel mystical forces -
it’s what happens to lowlife in Corsas
who endanger, disturb and annoy
in their polished and pimped pride and joy.

I don’t need to hear your deafening bass
or see the blank look on your weasely face,
sometimes your car
says what you are –
I’m a little bit fick
and I drive like a dick

but it may tell you more
like what fate has in store.
With you it’s a tree
(or a lamp post) I see.

A fairly innocuous bend
…probably racing a friend
…over the limit I guess
…and the world will have one moron less.

Bouquets will be laid there for you
and the girl you were driving with too.
Your mother will grieve for her son
whilst demanding that ‘something’ is done
and in spite of the ban that you had
she’ll insist you were such a nice lad.
And the poor girl’s parents will mourn
whilst cursing the day you were born.

Dead flowers tied to a tree -
that’s all that your future will be,
a sad little shrine by the road
where you fatefully reaped what you sowed.




Title: Re: X reg Corsa
Post by: 2par on March 24, 2014, 01:36:31 PM
How I wish I'd had this little piece to tie around all the hot-rodders that would drive down our streets when our children were young!

Lots of subdued anger here.
Title: Re: X reg Corsa
Post by: bri h on March 24, 2014, 05:16:47 PM
'Nother good one, Dyl. Pm comin at'cha. Bri.
Title: Re: X reg Corsa
Post by: Mrs N on March 24, 2014, 08:09:47 PM
Well written, as usual, but I felt really sad reading it. Probably due to all the little heaps of flowers along the roadside near us.
Title: Re: X reg Corsa
Post by: DGSquared on April 16, 2014, 05:11:02 AM
Hi Dylan

A good read with a lesson for teens without sounding preachy.

I'd like to beat this over the head of that punk who lives a few blocks away and even when kids are riding bikes and playing, hauls ass up the street in his stupid looking, bird killer, monster truck with ridiculous wheels taller than most cars, and plumes of black death spewing from the tailpipe.

Sorry for the rant. You touched a nerve. ;)

Effective writing to evoke emotion from this reader. Thanks for expressing this the way you did.


~Deb
Title: Re: X reg Corsa
Post by: Poggy on May 18, 2014, 01:57:20 AM
Dylan
This is so good, its a story with rhyme, and it works beautifully, sadly its an all too common statistic, well done, its great!
Mike
Title: Re: X reg Corsa
Post by: JewelAS53 on May 18, 2014, 05:15:42 AM
I do like this one, Dylan.

…and the world will have one moron less.

Hopefully before creating another one!