My Writers Circle

Poets Corner => Review My Poetry => Topic started by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 03:13:55 PM

Title: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 03:13:55 PM
    The American Sentence Thread
    American Haiku / Kerouac


This thread is intended as a place to explore The American Sentence, American Haiku, Kerouac Shorts, etc., as poetry forms, either for their inherent artistic merit, or as a ways to sharpen linguistic skills. Or just for the fun of it, or for reasons you choose not to share.  Post, comment, read, think, ignore. [much like the crappy poem thread?]

Allen Ginsberg believed that the Japanese haiku form of poetry was singularly designed for the Japanese language.  As utilized in English, the form traditionally requires lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables.  Ginsberg thought the consequence was syllable counting rather than poetry writing. His view was that eliminating the lines, the 5-7-5, created a form more naturally fitted to the cadences and constructs of English, and opened rather than closed the opportunities to maximize our language.   The touchstone for Ginsberg for the American Sentence is a poem in seventeen syllables - one sentence. 

Jack Kerouac said don’t count syllables, but make a short, three line poem, “simple and free of all poetic trickery and make a little picture and yet be as airy and graceful as a Vivaldi Pastorella."

There is a wealth of info to be found by google. See  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJdxJ5llh5A

I salvage and import (steal and republish) these American Sentences from a prior thread:

   Three hundred Facebook friends, but only a table for one every night.  - Heidi52

   When poetry explores the psyche, the tingles linger long after. - 510bhan

   Dutch beer, Polish donuts, French wine, Greek dip. Welcome to America. - Chizzy

[These are very good. 8)]


 
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 03:21:47 PM
War leeches don't suck on blood but gold, oil and hope.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 03:23:02 PM
Excellent ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 03:23:56 PM
Blue rabbits, eggs, Christ rising, you don’t want twelve nights for this holiday?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Mark T on January 09, 2014, 03:31:38 PM

I am frickin' useless at looking for syllables on my fingers
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 03:36:15 PM
 :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 03:37:09 PM

Tears join too soon, I wonder who that cough in the distance means to take?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 03:58:02 PM
Scream . . . racked limbs, rasped breath, mercy pled and denied, creaaaak.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 04:03:11 PM
Geez, Sio, that's a NOVEL in seventeen syllables 8) 8)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 04:04:53 PM
I see a flash in smoke above that fire like a friend who slit my eyes.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 04:11:49 PM
 :D

Stone-poised, for questions posed, only blood can answer.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 04:18:11 PM
CHERRY BLOSSOM COLLECTION:

Soundless, layers branch petal white, excitement creeps in nervous synapse.

Sweet enough to eat, fondant coloured boulevards, blossom drifts like snow.

Nature’s street theatre, petal artists pantomime, silent fall in Spring.

Flowers flounce display, sway thoughts, distract revision -- first exam in May.

Cherry buds blossom fuchsia hot, magnolia cool pinks hint hidden depths.




Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 04:25:14 PM
Wow. I'm speechless -- some of these are just incredible.  8)
You are a factory!!
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 04:27:02 PM
Are you unbundling haiku?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 04:35:59 PM
Hey, my haiku folder is sacrosanct -- no one unbundles it! :o
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 04:38:19 PM
Trodden in galoshes, leaf splash sploshes above boot tops in winter.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 04:41:30 PM
Excellent sounds, Sio, no surprise 8)

 - - - -


Beyond what geese form each fall, a remake of the world on the move.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 04:51:34 PM
A spearhead splits gilded clouds as sun and geese make speed for home tonight.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 04:56:18 PM
Best yet, I think.  Cogent, nice hinge to it, two aha's!  Very nice. 8)
[No more of this "I'm not a poet" bullshit. ]
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 04:58:35 PM
Hey -- I like bullshit. :(

Her diamond necklace chokes the word whispered over vocal chords  -- mercy.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 05:09:00 PM
Interesting one. :)

 - - - -


I’m sick of this shit - I want the bandage off, the scar to shout my name.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 05:12:29 PM
Charred or scarred the skin glistens red, proud it stands, itching for revenge.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Chizzy on January 09, 2014, 05:28:19 PM
Great stuff. Thanks for the links, Tom.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 05:41:47 PM
Are you kidding Chizzy?  Sio's putting on the clinic! 8)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 05:43:37 PM
Reckon you got the name wrong for these . . . it's surely Ulster banter, albeit limited to 17

syllables but hey. ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on January 09, 2014, 05:48:50 PM
The ice expands from both banks and chokes the river.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 05:54:16 PM
Welcome back Ms52,  nice one! :)

Sio, you keep this up and you name the genre whatever suits you, your keyboard is shooting flames! :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 05:55:06 PM

A leaf pushes down on the updraft and lightens the heft of its tree.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 06:05:10 PM
Really like those last two -- Heidi and Tom, I could 'feel' them, nice and rustic, strong sense of nature. ;)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 06:08:28 PM
Thanks Sio, this one's my fave posted so far:

A spearhead splits gilded clouds as sun and geese make speed for home tonight
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on January 09, 2014, 06:17:45 PM
Young girl with books proved braver than men armed with AK47s.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on January 09, 2014, 06:19:41 PM
The old horse knows not to go out on the ice, his young friend must still learn.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 06:21:05 PM
Wonderful! :)
Malala the first one, and if that's what you named the horse, same for the second 8) 8)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 06:21:19 PM

Minnows agree, toes look like curious honey buns from underneath.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 06:26:21 PM
Shattered to shards, ice clattered ice in dirty martinis at sunset.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 09, 2014, 06:29:58 PM
That one I'll need to think on for a while. :-\
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 06:34:50 PM
Liar -- you've just gone for a drink, not to think on words or wisdom, Tom. ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 09, 2014, 07:06:42 PM
She writes the poetry, we look and learn. Will we ever be this good?   ::) 
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: jkaram on January 09, 2014, 07:31:01 PM
Home, cleaned Bunny's cage, five-minute dinner, grabbed his iPad ran next door.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 09, 2014, 07:37:40 PM
With an abundance of words upon this page, we—get to enjoy them.  ;D

I quite like this. B
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 09, 2014, 07:53:16 PM
Drumbeat, pulse rate, balanced boom boom, skipped breaths, machine bleeps, flatline in green.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 10, 2014, 12:43:26 PM
I dropped a log today, it burned me. I can't get the toilet seat down.   ;D

 ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Amie on January 10, 2014, 01:10:46 PM
Does my cat haiku count?

Mornings, I wake you with my claws.
Now I am a furry projectile.

;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 10, 2014, 01:52:50 PM
 :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 10, 2014, 05:35:09 PM

Minnows agree, toes look like curious honey buns from underneath.


Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on January 10, 2014, 05:41:35 PM
And I asked again,
what is it you want?
but he refused to answer.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 10, 2014, 05:42:33 PM
Enigmatic Heidi. Love it.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on January 10, 2014, 05:42:56 PM
 ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 10, 2014, 05:44:58 PM
H- nice, that's a story!
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on January 10, 2014, 05:52:37 PM
The truth, which is what we think we want, is too frightening to be held.

Thank Bri and Tom
I love these short exercises.

Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 10, 2014, 05:57:49 PM
Concussive decisions post-match jeopardised any chance of return.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 10, 2014, 06:00:07 PM
Pulled ego, hamstrung libido and still the steroids leave poxy marks.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 10, 2014, 06:06:45 PM
Socrates, a slap across the face made you remember his lesson.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on January 10, 2014, 06:07:49 PM
The shallow pool will not deepen just because you think you deserve it.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 10, 2014, 06:12:27 PM
Concealed in fragile leaves, sheaves of words usurped a bookworm’s uprising.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 10, 2014, 07:26:50 PM
Too many words spoil the flow, making the poems something else. Think small.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 10, 2014, 07:35:13 PM
And if each word has just one beat on its own to make its point – what then?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 10, 2014, 07:38:06 PM
Seventeen syllables, yes seventeen one-stop words, go on, count them.  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on January 11, 2014, 11:36:10 AM
Forty years of spooning has molded us, shaped us to the perfect fit.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 12, 2014, 10:53:17 AM
Forty years of spooning has molded us, shaped us to the perfect fit.

Intellectually or body shape? Obesity and slack thought are both problems in today's society. Neat piece of thought-provoking work, Heidi. ;)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 12, 2014, 10:59:37 AM
Agreed.

My thought for the second part - ". . . shaped us to fit as we do." ::) ::) 
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 12, 2014, 11:05:09 AM
It's amazing how these short poems can say so much. Some give a snapshot, some tell a story, some advocate a philosophy . . . all good stuff. ;)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 12, 2014, 11:09:58 AM
He frowned as the wine went down, a grapes of wrath vintage, he suspected.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 12, 2014, 11:21:37 AM
Another bell-wringer, Sio!  You have an amazing proclivity for this.  You are definitely adding texture and unexpected meaning to some of these.  Just wonderful. 8)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 12, 2014, 11:24:48 AM
Thank you. :D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 12, 2014, 03:31:46 PM
She wants to keep her baby
yet unborn
the baby has more than she.

Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 13, 2014, 07:02:53 PM
Lake freezes over, fury things living on the islands now run free.

Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 13, 2014, 07:19:48 PM
fury ---> furry?

From leafy hides, we watch spoor-tracked, hide-bound, horned beasts twitch and bound downwind.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 13, 2014, 07:23:00 PM
 :-\ :) :-*
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 13, 2014, 07:28:21 PM
Part of a poem I'm writing, on leaving the Pit forever. a wip, but relevant for this thread.


Plenty of height, my lungs are not tight, standing straight, but I'm not alright.


Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bobby801 on January 14, 2014, 04:37:00 PM
Tom  - what a great topic. Need to get my poetry head on ... this is a great kick up the arse to help creativity ...

What could be more simple than just  a poxy  seventeen syllables.

Bobby
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 14, 2014, 04:43:42 PM
 ;D ;D ;D ;D Nice.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 14, 2014, 04:44:00 PM
Seventeen poxy syllables on a poxy page, and I love 'em.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 14, 2014, 04:45:01 PM
 :D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 14, 2014, 04:49:04 PM
A pox on all you wannabees. Let's see your words in po-et-er-ree.

 ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: indar on January 16, 2014, 03:29:45 PM
sleet savaged the trees tore at the roof and tried to get in the window


rain fell in such long dense strands that the world turned many shades of silver.


petals dropping from unfamiliar trees, yearning for late winter snow
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 16, 2014, 03:44:02 PM
2-4 more and you'll have The American Paragraph. ;) Ask Tom about it. ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: indar on January 16, 2014, 03:59:39 PM
uh-----huh? Each was meant to be a seperate thing or am I not getting the gist of this?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 16, 2014, 04:05:00 PM
Hi I,

Yes, I read each as individual AS's.  I love them, especially the second, although the sounds of the first one are pretty amazing.

Isn't it something to see what can be done with these?

Sio was referring to a suggestion to create a new form -- The American Paragraph,  a form originating with RMP/MWC, although some may think CPT-2 the more appropriate venue.

As envisioned, The American Paragraph is composed of 5-7 interrelated American Sentences.  The Wright Brothers are down at the beach now trying to get the first one off the ground. 8)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 16, 2014, 04:08:02 PM
uh-----huh? Each was meant to be a seperate thing or am I not getting the gist of this?

You're not quick enough tonight Linda . . . as Tom said, it was a suggestion I made and I reckon your three 'separate' AS lines work together well, so  . . . getting close to the proposed new form. ;D

Tom -- you are a cheeky monkey! :D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 16, 2014, 04:26:09 PM
The American Paragraph -- a great idea by Sio.

A real deal.  Still early though.  At this point it looks something like this:


(http://i1287.photobucket.com/albums/a640/titan685/13173172897132696437_1_zps4e0e731b.jpg)

Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 16, 2014, 04:41:36 PM
 ;D ;D ;D ;D

Come fly with me, let's pretend we're birds with dreams, unfettered, uplifted.
I'll give you talons to protect yourself, we'll take the Jet Stream thermals.
Dense clouds of pillow mist offer secrets whispered soft to us alone.
As we soar higher, the small things crawling below will give perspective.
Our achievements hover on the brink of imagination's promise.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 16, 2014, 05:02:59 PM
Hats off, Sio, the first American Paragraph, you’ve just penned it!
A moment of silence to honor the occasion, let us take note.
I’ll tell my grandchildren’s grandchildren - I was here, at the beginning.
And you, merrily Murieling in Ballymena, on a break,
with your headless Chinaman letting you do the talking for you both.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 16, 2014, 05:27:46 PM
The alternative ventriloquist, his silence keeps his secrets safe.
No talkative Chinaman this, a headless corpse . . . cat might have his tongue.
Trawled from the sea, in bits and pieces, a jigsaw for the coroner.
Detective Sloane, on the case, recognises 'death by a hundred swords'.
The dummy's identity will be revealed, of that you can be sure.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 16, 2014, 05:30:51 PM
Dammit you two. My fingers are aching with all the counting I've done.

Easy-peasy-and,
lemon-squeezy,
words are coming, easier now.

 ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 16, 2014, 05:34:09 PM
Sio! ;D

Absolutely delightful! 

You have the perfect feel for the AS and now the ability to hatch the American Paragraph!!

I am in awe. 8)

I will not attempt to respond in kind, however. 
My offering I worried would flip this to look like a CPT, and then my fear that this too will be stolen.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 16, 2014, 05:37:02 PM
I really should be Murieling and plotting and scheming -- later. ;)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 16, 2014, 05:38:31 PM
All three? :D

I will be trying in the next few weeks to do a decent American Paragraph.  Your idea is golden.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 16, 2014, 05:53:04 PM
The beach hears my confession. Twice a day, my sins are washed away.

Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 16, 2014, 05:58:58 PM
The bitch takes my confession. Twice a day, she washes my sins away. ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 16, 2014, 08:33:46 PM
You're a cheeky simian. But you know I love you. (that L is growing) ha ha. xbx
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 16, 2014, 08:41:41 PM
 ::) ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Yours was a syllable short. ;)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 17, 2014, 12:19:37 PM
The beach hears my confession. Twice a day, my sins are washed away.



Just got in from work and saw your comment on the syll shortage. I think this comes down as an accent problem. I'm so used to saying 'hee-ahs,' I counted two beats to my 'hears.' You know, I still think it's right? Am I stoopid? ha ha
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 17, 2014, 02:09:08 PM
If that's the way you say it, that's the way you say it and therefore it works . . . apologies. Not something I'd have picked up on myself.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 17, 2014, 04:19:06 PM
Accents. Funny things eh? "Hoya hammer ower heah pet." (throw a hammer over here to me my love).  ;D

Abject apology accepted.  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on January 18, 2014, 01:34:06 AM
Breaking news, words on a screen with meaning, leaving more than news broken.
She sobs for sentiments left unsaid, too late to send a goodnight kiss.
Reptilian in appearance, tears streak, obsidian on pale cheeks.
Jaw clenched, stone-hard, mascara-stained trails track regret.
Yesterday, now a lifetime away, passed . . . into tender memory.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on January 18, 2014, 06:15:08 AM
Two deaths on both sides of the world. One a Skipper. The other a child.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on January 24, 2014, 07:49:06 AM
Pile of feathers, wing prints in snow tell the story of the hawk strike.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on January 24, 2014, 08:50:28 AM
 :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on February 09, 2014, 04:14:22 PM
Famous as Jesus, after the published thesis, and rich as Croesus.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 09, 2014, 04:32:11 PM
We're bigger than Jesus, said John Lennon, the Yankees didn't buy it.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 05:28:10 PM
Yellow first, orange second, then comes green. Lose your feet and you are gone.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 10, 2014, 05:30:06 PM
 :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on February 10, 2014, 05:30:45 PM
I like it  ;) -- but if it refers to traffic lights shouldn't yellow be red? ???
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 05:31:57 PM
I like it  ;) -- but if it refers to traffic lights shouldn't yellow be red? ???

Ah, but it refers to ju-jitsu. I've got green. And lost the use of my feet.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on February 10, 2014, 05:32:31 PM
Sorry. :-[
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 05:33:39 PM
Sorry. :-[

That's okay. I'm gonna pester my daughter's ju-jitsu sensei and tell him I want him to work with me, despite those bluddy feet of mine.  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 05:54:57 PM
Roses are red, we all know that. Just keep on breathing or you are dead.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on February 10, 2014, 05:57:32 PM
That one was worthy of resurrecting CPT  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 06:03:28 PM
That one was worthy of resurrecting CPT  ;D

At the risk of sounding dumb: What does CPT mean?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 06:03:48 PM
The softness of her fur deceives. Her sweet kisses leave my skin bleeding.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on February 10, 2014, 06:05:14 PM
At the risk of sounding dumb: What does CPT mean?

Some absolute class in here . . . http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=44492.0   ;D ;D ;D ;D :P
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 06:07:30 PM
Some absolute class in here . . . http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=44492.0   ;D ;D ;D ;D :P

Thanks. Lovely.  ;D

And yes, red roses are about as crappy as you can get, eh?  ;D  ;D  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 06:24:39 PM
When all is said and done, just sit down, count your losses and shut your gob.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 10, 2014, 06:28:18 PM
Close. But one too many sylls. xbx


When all is said and done, you may as well count your losses and shut your gob.

When all's said and done, you may as well count your losses and shut your gob.

xbx
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 06:29:33 PM
Drat you're right. And I counted twice.  :-[
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 06:30:59 PM
Fixed it.  :D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 10, 2014, 06:32:08 PM
Easy mistake to make. Practice. heh heh.


Practice the sentence, he said, so she tried and tried, till she got it right.

See? ha ha.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 06:32:58 PM
 ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 10, 2014, 06:33:08 PM
When all is said and done, just sit down, count your losses and shut your gob.

Yay-y-y-y! ha ha
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 06:36:40 PM
It was a cold, stormy night when he wrote the book that never made it.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 06:39:31 PM
I'm having way too much fun with this, she said and wrote another one.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 10, 2014, 06:42:00 PM
Oh my Gawd, what have I done, I've helped to nurture another Shvon. ha ha. x
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 06:42:52 PM
 ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on February 10, 2014, 06:43:46 PM
Try 5-7 'linked' ones to create the American Paragraph . . . an MWC innovation. :o
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 10, 2014, 06:44:07 PM
 ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 10, 2014, 06:45:01 PM
Try 5-7 'linked' ones to create the American Paragraph . . . an MWC innovation. :o

Loosely translated . . . a Shvon innovation. ha ha
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 06:53:22 PM
Suddenly all hell broke loose. Thank heavens the devil brought his best booze.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 10, 2014, 06:59:15 PM
Are you taking the piss, she said sweetly, and handed him the baby.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 10, 2014, 07:29:45 PM
She handed me the baby, but I swear now, the kid is not my son.



diddleiddleiddle dee. (sorry for the MJ ref) ha ha
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 12, 2014, 06:26:47 PM
Her blue eyes were like the deepest pools. Just as cold. Just as watery.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 12, 2014, 06:30:03 PM
The wind and rain took down all the poles, they have the best jobs, don't you know?  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on February 12, 2014, 06:31:16 PM
Her blue eyes were like the deepest pools. Just as cold. Just as watery.

^^^ 3 sentences! :o Her blue eyes were like the deepest pools, just as cold, just as watery.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 12, 2014, 06:36:59 PM
^^^ 3 sentences! :o Her blue eyes were like the deepest pools, just as cold, just as watery.

 ;D

Passionately, she sang like a bird. Like an old crow with a sore throat.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on February 12, 2014, 06:39:43 PM
;D

Passionately, she sang like a bird. Like an old crow with a sore throat.

2 sentences -- the full stop is the giveaway. ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 12, 2014, 06:43:43 PM
Nelodra --

Some of these are just precious - you write them well! 8)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 12, 2014, 06:44:03 PM
2 sentences -- the full stop is the giveaway. ;D

I don't mind. My interpretation.  :P

When her husband threatened to put the tomcat to sleep, she had kittens.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 12, 2014, 06:44:24 PM
Nelodra --

Some of these are just precious - you write them well! 8)

Thank you, Tom.  :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 12, 2014, 06:58:38 PM
Money makes the world go round, people say, but they are wrong; it's chocolate.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on February 12, 2014, 07:10:57 PM
Stability, mental or otherwise, clings to things which are fragile.
We blame the weather for everything, including draughty memory.
Without the wind, the slates would still be in place and my roof wouldn’t leak.
Blow gale, or tornado and watch the debris spin out of your control.
Weeping and wailing, raining and hailing, scour and cleanse; uncluttering.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 12, 2014, 07:18:46 PM
Her sweet promises sent him over the moon, where she left him hanging.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 13, 2014, 08:50:05 AM
Winter was cold, but colder still the words he spat in her haughty face.

Mary had a little lamb that got more tasty the longer it stewed.

Grant me the serenity to accept that I can't kill my inlaws.

When he said his mum's cooking made him sick, she told him to suck it up.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 13, 2014, 08:52:52 AM
Nelodra,

You are writing some wonderful stuff 8)

Its a pleasure to see such creative new material, :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 13, 2014, 09:07:24 AM
Nelodra,

You are writing some wonderful stuff 8)

Its a pleasure to see such creative new material, :)

Thanks again, Tom.

I had to do something whilst waiting my turn at the hairdressers, so I thought I might as well have fun writing some more American Sentences.  :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 13, 2014, 09:26:53 AM
You are developing the nack!  Maybe I need to get my hair done, on a busy day . . .
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 13, 2014, 09:27:33 AM
You are developing the nack!  Maybe I need to get my hair done, on a busy day . . .

 :D

Old king Cole was a dirty old soul and he messed with the maidens fair.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on February 13, 2014, 02:46:26 PM
Taste it, curdled success, a dry retch when disqualified, yet the best.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on February 13, 2014, 04:24:59 PM
Sometimes when it snows like this, it's so white, so quiet, it's like sensory deprivation.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on February 13, 2014, 07:55:58 PM
Keep them coming folks . . .  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on February 13, 2014, 08:02:00 PM
Actually these are good enough for the anthology so please would people 'quote' the ones they would like to see included. Then we can present the nominated AS poems to the editor.

I think they're nearly all fine . . . so I'm not much use, am I? ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 13, 2014, 08:56:47 PM
These are the ones I think are particularly good and would do credit to the Anthology:


Pile of feathers, wing prints in snow tell the story of the hawk strike.  Heidi52

Pulled ego, hamstrung libido and still the steroids leave poxy marks. Sio

The ice expands from both banks and chokes the river.  H52

Concealed in fragile leaves, sheaves of words usurped a bookworm’s uprising.  Sio

The shallow pool will not deepen just because you think you deserve it.  H52

Her sweet promises sent him over the moon, where she left him hanging.  Nelodra

Grant me the serenity to accept that I can't kill my inlaws.  Nelodra

Stone-poised, for questions posed, only blood can answer. Sio

Sio’s CHERRY BLOSSOM COLLECTION:

Soundless, layers branch petal white, excitement creeps in nervous synapse.

Sweet enough to eat, fondant coloured boulevards, blossom drifts like snow.

Nature’s street theatre, petal artists pantomime, silent fall in Spring.

Flowers flounce display, sway thoughts, distract revision -- first exam in May.

Cherry buds blossom fuchsia hot, magnolia cool pinks hint hidden depths.

-   - - -
-   

When he said his mum's cooking made him sick, she told him to suck it up.  Nelodra

Forty years of spooning has molded us, shaped us to the perfect fit.  H52

He frowned as the wine went down, a grapes of wrath vintage, he suspected.  Sio

he wind and rain took down all the poles, they have the best jobs, don't you know?  bri

sleet savaged the trees tore at the roof and tried to get in the window.  Indar

Trodden in galoshes, leaf splash sploshes above boot tops in winter.  Sio



When her husband threatened to put the tomcat to sleep, she had kittens.  Nelodra




rain fell in such long dense strands that the world turned many shades of silver.  Indar


petals dropping from unfamiliar trees, yearning for late winter snow.  Indar

A spearhead splits gilded clouds as sun and geese make speed for home tonight.  Sio

It was a cold, stormy night when he wrote the book that never made it.  Nelodra

Charred or scarred the skin glistens red, proud it stands, itching for revenge.  Sio
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on February 13, 2014, 09:11:38 PM
When you put them altogether like that, separated from thee daft ones -- they do look good.

Er . . . I think you forgot some by a guy named Tom. ::) He did some fine ones.

A leaf pushes down on the updraft and lightens the heft of its tree.  Tom

Tears join too soon, I wonder who that cough in the distance means to take? Tom

I’m sick of this shit - I want the bandage off, the scar to shout my name.  Tom

Young girl with books proved braver than men armed with AK47s.  Heidi

Forty years of spooning has molded us, shaped us to the perfect fit. Heidi

sleet savaged the trees tore at the roof and tried to get in the window
rain fell in such long dense strands that the world turned many shades of silver.
petals dropping from unfamiliar trees, yearning for late winter snow  indar [a short AP]


Don't know if I'm crossing with Tom now -- but there's some that I think are particularly good. ;) That's having looked up to page 6/11
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: drab on February 13, 2014, 09:43:31 PM
I tried, but fail to see the attraction of this ridiculousness!

Poetry by numbers.  >:( ::)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on February 14, 2014, 06:26:25 AM
Do you think Haikus are ridiculous as well?

Have you tried writing one?

Like everything else, there are some good, some bad.

At least the bad ones here are mercifully brief.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: drab on February 14, 2014, 08:50:15 AM
Do you think Haikus are ridiculous as well?

Have you tried writing one?

Like everything else, there are some good, some bad.

At least the bad ones here are mercifully brief.

Hi heidi,
I'm not attempting to ruffle feathers here.  :)
And yes, Haikus are another form of poetry by numbers.  ::)
Just my opinion, and I'm obviously in a minority.
Regards
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 14, 2014, 08:52:34 AM
I tried, but fail to see the attraction of this ridiculousness!

Poetry by numbers.  >:( ::)


drab - I had hoped this form would catch your fancy, even though I know you are form-aphobic.
Numbers have to nothing to do with this, other than seventeen syllables being the "entry fee".  What kind of story, message, metaphors, in few words -- that is in your wheelhouse!!

Pity. :-\
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: drab on February 14, 2014, 10:16:42 AM
Well at least I gave it a go.

I tried, but fail to see the attraction of this ridiculousness!  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on February 14, 2014, 11:11:28 AM
Well at least I gave it a go.

I tried, but fail to see the attraction of this ridiculousness!  ;D

Maybe what you need to do is look again after you've been drinking. I've heard that can up the attractiveness quotient.  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 14, 2014, 03:01:04 PM
I had to read it twice and count the beats to make sure, Drab. Good one mate. B
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: drab on February 14, 2014, 03:05:24 PM
I had to read it twice and count the beats to make sure, Drab. Good one mate. B

 ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 14, 2014, 03:09:05 PM
good catch bri --

it sailed right by me. 8)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 14, 2014, 03:09:43 PM
If someone else is nominating AS's for inclusion, then I'd like to see Drab's effort included. I think it's spot on. I also think it is the equivalent of writers walking down a street with their fly's undone, or a dress tucked into the knickers, at the back. B
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 14, 2014, 03:10:07 PM
good catch bri --

it sailed right by me. 8)

I know.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 14, 2014, 03:17:01 PM
If someone else is nominating AS's for inclusion, then I'd like to see Drab's effort included. I think it's spot on. I also think it is the equivalent of writers walking down a street with their fly's undone, or a dress tucked into the knickers, at the back. B

I understand nominations are open  -- apparently more AS's are needed, wanted, or more space needs to be filled or some such.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 14, 2014, 03:23:02 PM
(hands over the reins) "There you go, have fun." I sent 10 in. Am done with this now. (sighs, and buggers off to have a well earned c o c). Cheers Tom.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 14, 2014, 03:24:37 PM
Geez bri,
Maybe I got it wrong.  I wasn't trying to elbow you.  I thought they were asking for more nominations, so I just flagged ones I thought were pretty good.  

T
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 14, 2014, 03:32:48 PM
Nah. Don't worry bout it Tom. I had a shitty day and you were handy. Let me apologise to you.
Mark asked me to submit 10 AS's for the Anth. I did that, along with my own meagre efforts. Now I'm done with the whole thing. I'm chilling. Been fighting the strong winds all day up on the moors. Got battered with the sleet and snow on the M62, and I'm fecked. I'm gonna have a nice long soak in the tub, and forget about everything for a while. B 
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 15, 2014, 11:16:36 AM
Wishy-washy wagons on the M62, and I thought I'd die.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 15, 2014, 11:36:39 AM
sweet
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 15, 2014, 12:00:55 PM
Thanks mate.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 16, 2014, 05:16:05 PM
Faster than a speeding bullet, a shot is fired and Superman dies.
From out of everywhere, shots are fired and a President is dead.
There was a lone gunman, but it wasn't Oswald, it was Jack Ruby.
Questions were raised, but none of them were answered, leaving only puzzles.
I watch, old films of that day, and want to shout "Duck," but he won't hear me.

Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 11:25:17 AM
Greenish eyes, dark curls, imperfect skin, her tender words make me want her.
Her hands on me, scary though strangely comforting, make my skin tingle.
I close my eyes and contemplate the taste of her luscious lips on mine.
Would I but dare to trace the beguiling roundings of her fair physique.
Pleasures never to be known, illicit dreams, stolen away at dawn.


Cheesy, I know, but oh my gosh I cannot get her out of my mind.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 17, 2014, 11:36:17 AM
Cheesy - no.

"beguiling roundings" -- what a playful, enticing phrase. 8)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 11:38:09 AM
Cheesy - no.

"beguiling roundings" -- what a playful, enticing phrase. 8)

Thank you.  :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 17, 2014, 11:40:11 AM
I'll wait a month or two and maybe you forget it, I steal it. 
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 11:43:06 AM
I'll wait a month or two and maybe you forget it, I steal it. 

Haha! I'm not likely to forget her it.  :D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 17, 2014, 11:51:40 AM
you get her, I get the phrase - eh? ::)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 11:59:40 AM
you get her, I get the phrase - eh? ::)

Deal.  ;D

I won't get her though. She's married and not into women. That, and I'm also married - and not into men.  ::)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 17, 2014, 12:00:36 PM
details, details. . . .  8)

Still, a wonderful poem.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 12:07:01 PM
Yes, I'm rambling. Feeling sorry for myself and all that shit.

I should get a life.  ::)

Oh, wait, I've already got one. I just forgot how to live it. But I can right that wrong.  :D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 12:13:50 PM
Back to the poem itself.

If it hadn't been a American Paragraph, I'd have written it very different. I'd have gotten rid of the adverbs and adjectives to start with, and then played around with form, sound and whatnot.

But this is just playing, for when I want to take it easy.  :)


The cheesy line, BTW, was also an American Sentence.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 17, 2014, 12:17:08 PM
No problem with that I think.  I was struck when I first started reading what Kerouac's short poems, like American Haiku and such.  the poems are the prime thing, the rules not so much.  What can the words do, what they do do, who cleans up, now I'm rambling.

Rambling is good, I rationalized. 8)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 12:24:39 PM
No problem with that I think.  I was struck when I first started reading what Kerouac's short poems, like American Haiku and such.  the poems are the prime thing, the rules not so much.  What can the words do, what they do do, who cleans up, now I'm rambling.

Rambling is good, I rationalized. 8)

Rambling... I think American Sentences could be seen as the poetic equivalent of rambling. Don't you think? The whole "Don't over-think things. Just write it down and enjoy what flows out of your pen."
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 17, 2014, 12:30:49 PM
Not exactly. I tend to get that more from the Kerouac stuff.  But the challenge of all of this is get the poem right -- can it have a beginning middle and end, and unexpected turn?  Conflict?  The exquisite juxtaposing of clear images?  so much challenge, but then, yes, there should be that ease . . .  but WTF do I know. :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 12:35:00 PM
Now I'm confused.
Let me get this straight. The Kerouac stuff is not the same as the American Sentence?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 17, 2014, 12:47:25 PM
No.  The American Sentence is a seventeen syllable poem. The intent is to relieve the English writer of the Japanese 5-7-5 stricture.

http://paulenelson.com/american-sentences-2/


Kerouac's American Haiku is a little different - his notion is a short, three line poem, without strict syllable or word limits.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJdxJ5llh5A&feature=kp
http://haikuneverdie.blogspot.com/2009/08/american-haiku-by-jack-kerouac.html


Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 12:59:00 PM
I see. And, studying Paul Nelson's handout (http://paulenelson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/American-Sentences-Workshop-Handout.pdf), I also see that my original interpretation of the American sentence (where I figured it was allowed to write several sentences as long as they consist of 17 syllables and are just one line) is the correct one.

Here's one of his, demonstrating just that: (Take that, Sio  :P)
"Rainy night on Union square, full moon. Want more poems? Wait till I'm dead."


I think I might enjoy writing Kerouac's American Haiku even better than writing the American Sentences. I must have a go at that.

Thanks for explaining, and for the links.  :-*
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 17, 2014, 01:02:23 PM
The links are cool, I love the youtube of Kerouac with the jazz.

I'm excited for some more free-formish work here.  Your example was excellent -- how much was in it!
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 01:06:47 PM
gotta run now
my flock needs to be fed
soon
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 17, 2014, 01:07:29 PM
Top edge of the nest soars
and the world circles
feathery and brown.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 17, 2014, 01:08:16 PM
gotta run now
my flock needs to be fed
soon
:) :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 01:30:52 PM
I snuck out to write some more. Need to go back to the kitchen ASAP, but I had to get these little ones down:


my sister's face
save for the guileless
eyes

her world's not mine but
if I'm gentle
she'll share
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 02:14:06 PM
her hands on my skin
I hold my breath
flustered
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 17, 2014, 02:17:23 PM
 :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 02:20:24 PM
Top edge of the nest soars
and the world circles
feathery and brown.

Nice!
How did I just miss that one?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 17, 2014, 02:25:22 PM
Nice!
How did I just miss that one?


feeding flock of course :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 02:30:48 PM
That must have been it.  :D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 17, 2014, 02:35:15 PM
mesmerised
I want to trace
her beguiling roundings
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on February 18, 2014, 01:47:54 AM
Rambling... I think American Sentences could be seen as the poetic equivalent of rambling. Don't you think? The whole "Don't over-think things. Just write it down and enjoy what flows out of your pen."

"Don't over-think things. Just write it down and enjoy what flows out of from your pen." 17 now  ;)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 18, 2014, 05:44:09 AM
 :D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 19, 2014, 05:34:31 PM
The ultimate present: new braces to keep her from falling apart.


(I sent my daughter an email telling her her new braces had arrived in the mail. Her email back read: "oooh, ankle braces, supernice!"   :'( )
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 19, 2014, 05:37:39 PM
 :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 19, 2014, 05:50:15 PM
tomorrow I'll give her
my heart
on a piece of paper
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 19, 2014, 05:53:02 PM
14 sylls. Is this a new kind of AS?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 19, 2014, 05:54:57 PM
The Kerouac Haiku, Bri. You don't count syllables with that.
Wait and I'll dig Tom's link up for you.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 19, 2014, 05:55:31 PM
Here you are, Bri.

No.  The American Sentence is a seventeen syllable poem. The intent is to relieve the English writer of the Japanese 5-7-5 stricture.

http://paulenelson.com/american-sentences-2/


Kerouac's American Haiku is a little different - his notion is a short, three line poem, without strict syllable or word limits.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJdxJ5llh5A&feature=kp
http://haikuneverdie.blogspot.com/2009/08/american-haiku-by-jack-kerouac.html



Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 19, 2014, 06:01:47 PM
Will a short three line poem, still feel like a poem?
Will it move me, caress me and make me feel like the author cares?
Will it inspire me to write, for myself?


Three lines, you say? I think I can manage three lines of poetry, ay?  :D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 19, 2014, 06:05:13 PM
It does all that for me.

I enjoy the challenge of writing them. They force me to be succinct in my writing. Every word counts. Literally.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 19, 2014, 06:06:39 PM
Three lines, you say? I think I can manage three lines of poetry, ay? (count 'em) ha ha. xbx
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 19, 2014, 06:07:48 PM
I'm sure you can do it.
And yes, I counted them.
Now you've got to make every word count.  :P
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 19, 2014, 06:09:40 PM
Maybe I should lain some more lines on you?   :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 19, 2014, 06:10:44 PM
Maybe I should lain some more lines on you?   :)

Lain, eh?
Give me a bucket. Quick!
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 19, 2014, 06:12:31 PM
nibble my fingers
nibble my nose
me-ouch!
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 19, 2014, 06:58:21 PM
Nibble your fingers,
finger your nipples.
My nose is . . . never mind where my nose is.  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: heidi52 on February 20, 2014, 09:17:09 AM
Maybe you guys want to move this convo to the other thread:

http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=51968.0

just sayin'
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on February 20, 2014, 09:33:06 AM
Splab is not really my thing. I feel more comfortable writing these Kerouac Haiku and American Sentences. I don't think they belong in Splab.  :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 20, 2014, 09:41:40 AM
polished bronze hinge
sorted to the right bin
the world turns on it
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on February 20, 2014, 02:31:43 PM
A brass token, used to show attendance,
fingered, rubbed, to a highly polished sheen,
by fingers, palms and my time.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on March 04, 2014, 12:19:51 PM

The rock didn’t crash his skull
and the thread of my life
almost continued on course

Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on March 04, 2014, 03:01:22 PM
I choose the path of least resistance, and conclude that you have to die.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on March 07, 2014, 07:51:50 PM
Kerouac affectionados or the merely curious might like this:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJdxJ5llh5A
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: cmb on March 08, 2014, 10:09:40 AM
Nice. Thanks for posting, Tom. :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on March 08, 2014, 10:29:50 AM
Those really present a strange ambience, huh?  Like a flee-bitten Greenwich Village  coffee house, circa 1961 8)  It has all of the vulnerabilities and rawness evident when looking back from 50 years hence. 
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on March 08, 2014, 11:25:57 AM
'flee' bitten, Tom? How fast were your fleas?  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on March 08, 2014, 11:35:17 AM
bri, bless your heart, we try not to nit pick comments when we need to save so much for the actual poems ::) ::)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on March 08, 2014, 11:47:18 AM
bri, bless your heart, we try not to nit pick comments when we need to save so much for the actual poems ::) ::)

We do? When did this happen? Why was I not informed?  ;D
 
 
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on March 21, 2014, 11:02:42 AM

spring melt, a pause
snow never thought
would last.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Mark T on April 20, 2014, 11:19:06 AM

Mist

Browsing my valley,
a white fluff of myst'ry
curls below the sun.

Somehow I know I’ll forget
this, before the day is done.      
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on April 27, 2014, 10:26:42 AM
Mark - sorry I missed your new one -- I like!

- - -

resting teal ruffle night reeds
until the moving earth again 
points them toward sun
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: rosez on August 28, 2014, 02:26:38 AM
Longings. :)
 
          Longings left to float freely
    Swim through life's ocean zest fully
       Asphyxiate when unfulfilled.


ps:a slight change was made for getting 17.will this be counted?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: CorneliusPoe on August 28, 2014, 07:07:14 AM
Very nice Rose.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: CorneliusPoe on August 28, 2014, 07:07:31 AM
Greeted by crisp air at the threshold, leaving,
looking up and taking air,
door to my back, doors all around.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: rosez on August 28, 2014, 09:22:48 AM
Thank you Marc :)
Liked the beauty of crisp air flowing in from the picture of a cage open from above. ~rosez~
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on August 28, 2014, 09:36:41 AM
Walls form buildings
buildings form walls
welcome to Chicago 8)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: rosez on August 28, 2014, 09:42:28 AM
Fading of Love
  
   Complimenting each other
Their love like stars up in the sky
  Untill clouds darken them away

~rosez~

Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: CorneliusPoe on August 28, 2014, 03:04:40 PM
Bested in thought by a stranger, I asked him to share.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on August 28, 2014, 08:26:44 PM
Word here,
phrase there.
Everything put
Together
Leads us all to
Poems.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: rosez on August 28, 2014, 10:30:33 PM
A Waiting~

              Waiting for you

Mind, to shut down, eyes half open

       Till you are mine, Victory


~rosez~
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: CorneliusPoe on September 04, 2014, 06:49:46 AM
Dreams die at dawn,
sentenced in half-light,
burned by the sun.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: rosez on September 04, 2014, 06:55:22 AM
Good one Marc, so you don't day-dream?(on a lighter note)
 :D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: CorneliusPoe on September 04, 2014, 07:03:04 AM
Hey! it's not daydreaming, it's high-level planning  ;D  ;D  ;D

Good morning.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: rosez on September 04, 2014, 07:15:00 AM
Oh! I see. Let it not die out by dawn, let the plans flourish :D

Good morning!
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on September 04, 2014, 07:52:08 AM
Colonic irrigation, well, is it like watering punctuation? Diluting the meaning by allowing the words to all run on -- shit! I must remove the hose, such cleansing seems counter-productive to me. Dots and spots and diacritical marks all play their part in writing. Scribbles scrawled while still in awe of natural phenomena are messy.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: CorneliusPoe on September 04, 2014, 08:00:09 AM
Love it Sio, Morning... er, afternoon. :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: rosez on September 04, 2014, 08:03:04 AM
Colonic irrigation finished  :D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: CorneliusPoe on September 04, 2014, 08:13:11 AM
You're braver than me, Rose. I had no intention of touching the um, substance of Sio piece. :)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on September 04, 2014, 08:17:06 AM
Ahem! ::)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: rosez on September 05, 2014, 06:25:16 PM
        Strong and sturdy hands
Yet gold fish slips away the 100th time
.    Ant in his plate feels stronger


~rosez~
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: rosez on September 06, 2014, 06:47:00 AM
 
 Defined shape, firm consistency
 yet distorted at core, lacking normalcy
 the fibroid bleeds in envy

~rosez~
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on September 19, 2014, 11:10:43 AM
  Blue    

A coal train to the rhythm of Coltraine
a hundred cars, a hundred bars
even the tracks depress
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on September 19, 2014, 01:20:51 PM
Is that a typo of Coltraine, Tom?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on September 19, 2014, 02:29:16 PM
not any more.  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on September 19, 2014, 02:45:25 PM
Your welcome.  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on September 19, 2014, 02:52:28 PM
 ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on September 19, 2014, 03:00:56 PM
When I die
I'm closing my
eyes,
so I won't
see my death
approaching.



Is this a senryu?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on September 19, 2014, 04:24:37 PM
Not technically.  If put in one line it would work as an AS.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on September 19, 2014, 04:44:07 PM
Nah, will leave it as is. I like it thattaway.  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on September 19, 2014, 04:49:53 PM
I can appreciate that - the sense of this thread - American Haiku/Kerouac is to lose the counting, lose the form - find the substance.   8)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on September 19, 2014, 05:25:11 PM
Air-gap flash, a moment just long enough to catch the truth on camera.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on September 19, 2014, 07:57:37 PM
Air-gap flash, a moment just long enough to catch the truth on camera.

Ain't you heard of Zapruder, Shvon?  ;D
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: 510bhan on September 19, 2014, 08:09:40 PM
Don't you swear at me! >:( :o

NO.

Checked it as I didn't know what you were talking about -- I'm not with your JFK obsession/interest. ::)
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: bri h on September 20, 2014, 12:52:05 AM
More the latter and not the former. But do find it fascinating.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: CorneliusPoe on September 23, 2014, 08:39:09 AM
Only fools claim answers—
I need not see the stars to know my size.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on May 09, 2015, 09:08:07 AM
An unused title from poetry month - Nuns and Guns and Farris Wheels.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on May 16, 2015, 11:58:15 AM
selfie in a Pepsi shirt
four sandals
voices with vibrato
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on September 04, 2015, 01:53:33 PM
oceans above sky
silver descending seaways
like massing ghost moths
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: MarcusB on September 04, 2015, 01:59:34 PM
i am a victim
of my own
ignorance
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: CorneliusPoe on September 04, 2015, 02:13:43 PM
Stress defines the line, the length is merely math without cause or context.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on September 04, 2015, 02:16:44 PM

I trust the person
who can crash a kite
and yell oh shit
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: MarcusB on September 04, 2015, 02:54:21 PM
I have found great wisdom in the silence of others.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Pam LaPier on September 04, 2015, 03:38:11 PM
Glass shards razor sharp cut a hole in the light and set loose the dark scream
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Pam LaPier on September 04, 2015, 03:40:05 PM
Cool thread
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on September 04, 2015, 04:34:23 PM
Glass shards razor sharp cut a hole in the light and set loose the dark scream

Nice!
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Pam LaPier on September 04, 2015, 04:56:58 PM
It's actually part of a poem I wrote when Robin Williams died. I'll post the whole thing tomorrow. Did you see my Coming Home poem?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Pam LaPier on September 04, 2015, 04:58:13 PM
Do you think I have talent Tom or am I wasting time with this?
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: AntonioM on February 21, 2016, 03:35:05 AM
Poetrying to tame the wilds of my mind with a pen, again.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Mark T on February 21, 2016, 06:49:02 AM

Letters, words and sentences sensibly glued together with grammar.

Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: CorneliusPoe on February 21, 2016, 08:29:16 AM
While bodies rot in a great grass sea, souls ride wind in twists of horsehair.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 21, 2016, 10:59:32 AM
Antonio, Mark, Cornelius -

Nifty American Sentences, really good stuff. 

The current Poetry Challenge is tailor-made for The American Sentence as well as haiku, Kerouac Haiku, and such other short poetics as may be inspired.

Check it out, and by all means enter, enter, enter.  We are going for the record - you can be a part of it! :)

http://mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=59620.0

Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on February 28, 2016, 02:54:44 PM

Time again will turn on end
what takes up arms in dawning light-
Come, come, we run in packs.
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on November 20, 2017, 04:15:45 PM

Mud-frozen petrification
a face waits in rock
for your hand
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on December 09, 2017, 06:30:53 PM




When Rosemary’s gone
google gives alternatives–
savory . . . and thyme









Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: indar on December 09, 2017, 07:42:32 PM
Remember the day
you realized that Santa
fell in the furnace?

hey--I followed form
Title: Re: The American Sentence / American Haiku / Kerouac
Post by: Tom 10 on December 11, 2017, 12:01:26 PM
 ;D ;D ;D