My Writers Circle

The Coffee Shop => The Gallery => Topic started by: Dylan di Vilde on May 14, 2013, 05:52:13 AM

Title: Then there were none.
Post by: Dylan di Vilde on May 14, 2013, 05:52:13 AM
I just broke a cut crystal glass
now weíve got an odd number alas
I thought it might play a nice tune
but I dinged it too hard with a spoon.

It belonged to a very posh set -
the best, at the time, you could get. 
A wedding gift brought to the door
by a high flying brother in law 
who of his success loved to shout 
by flashing his money about.

I said: We wonít save Ďem for best
but use Ďem along with the rest.
Iím not an inelegant bloke 
but still, one by one, they got broke.

Itís not a significant crime
just a sign of the passage of time.
Like a knee giving way
or a hair turning grey
or accepting youíre now past your prime.

Or wondering how you were so unaware
that something familiar is no longer there.
A state of unnoticed decay
as parts of your life drop away.
 
There used to be six
now there are three,
their clumsy destruction 
all down to me.

One day when Iím gone
Thereíll be none.

Or perhaps just one.

- A memorial thing
that makes a nice ding.
Title: Re: Then there were none.
Post by: Mark H on May 14, 2013, 03:22:08 PM
Good.

Are you working up to another collection?
Title: Re: Then there were none.
Post by: bri h on May 14, 2013, 03:25:42 PM
I always look forward to a 'Dylan.'
Title: Re: Then there were none.
Post by: heidi52 on May 14, 2013, 06:14:32 PM
Always a pleasure to read your work, and I liked this, however the rhythm didn't quite work in a number of lines, and there's a repeat "of the" in S3 L2.

I know this is the gallery and I'm not supposed to crit, but you are usually so meticulous I thought you might like the feedback. Forgive me if you'd rather not.
Title: Re: Then there were none.
Post by: Dylan di Vilde on May 15, 2013, 04:15:56 AM
Mark,
Iím not working up another collection at the moment. Not as such.  Iím a bit stuck for ideas. Hence the poems about old mattresses, drying paint and a broken wine glass.



Brian,
Cheers.


Heidi,
Youíre right. I am normally so meticulous. Now I am guilty of gross meticulouslessness.

I shall take my revolver and a very large glass of scotch into the study.
     
In the meantime, after 24 hrs, Iíve revised this. Like I should have done in the first place.


Thanks
DdV
Title: Re: Then there were none.
Post by: Mark H on May 15, 2013, 06:04:05 AM
Mark,
Iím not working up another collection at the moment. Not as such.  Iím a bit stuck for ideas.

Me too. Have been for years. It's quite annoying isn't it?