My Writers Circle

Workshop => Review My Script => Topic started by: Technofear on August 07, 2006, 10:24:58 AM

Title: The Last Two Proper Scenes From My Script
Post by: Technofear on August 07, 2006, 10:24:58 AM

Jason, Sandeep and Worse stand on the station platform, not talking. They all seem to be lost in thought for a few moments.

I'm sorry guys. I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry I've been such a prick. I can't change the past, but I promise things will be different from now on. I promise I'll keep in touch. I'll call, I'll write, I'll text. I'll even come down here to see you. I won't be able to do that as often as i like, but occasionally has got to be better than never, ain't it? I won't lose touch again. I owe Dave at least that much. We all do.

Silence, as they both take in what has just been said.

Right. Well, now amateur dramatics hour is over, let me tell you what's really going to happen- you're going to get on that train, you're going to go home, and we're never going to see each other again, at least not until something like this happens again.

No, look, I really-

Jason, shut up. Just shut up mate, alright? It's alright. It's alright this time.

Sandeep turns to Worse.


Worse is silent for a second. He looks at Jason, a vague hint of sadness on his face. Eventually, he manages a smile.

Yeah. It's alright.

The sound of the train approaching can be heard. Jason looks over his shoulder to see it coming, before turning back to his friends. He stares at them, unspeaking.

Worse extends his hand.

goodbye, mate.

Jason smiles.

Goodbye, bruv.

They shake hands, then embrace. It's an awkward embrace, between two men obviously not used to expressing affection to each other this way. Jason then does the same to Sandeep, only was less awkwardness.

The train pulls up, the doors open. Jason steps on and stands by them. As the doors close, he waves on last time. His friends do the same. The doors close, and the train starts to move off.

sandeep and Worse stand at the platform watching the train get smaller as it disappears. Finally, it is practically out of sight.

Worse taps Sandeep on the shoulder.

C'mon. It's my round.

They walk away.


Jason sits down in one of the seats. He appears drained. He stares of into space for a second. I wide range of emotions begin to play across his face, as he is clearly reliving the events of the past week in his head. His eyes begin to moisten. Attempting not to cry, he rubs at them with his hands before the tears have a chance to come. He tries to do this as subtly as possible so the other passengers on the carriage don't see. Satisfied he has staunched the flow, he tilts his head back against the glass, staring up at the ceiling, his eyes red. He them smiles, then laughs, a tired laugh.

Fuckin' Hell.

Thses, as it stands now, are the last two scenes in my film. I plan on rounding things up with some sort of montage set to music, but this is pretty much it. I also should state that they are both very "raw", in their first drafts. Some modifications will probably be made later on down the line.

Title: Re: The Last Two Proper Scenes From My Script
Post by: Madeline_88 on August 29, 2006, 02:11:21 AM
Yeah, nice, but maybe give us a little, better under standing of whats going on.