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Workshop => Review My Script => Topic started by: jl1883nn on February 19, 2011, 01:33:25 PM

Title: Story - Stage Script .... HELP!
Post by: jl1883nn on February 19, 2011, 01:33:25 PM
I have written a story about the affect on a family when a loved one goes to war and a scene setter of it for a stage play but I can't create the script for it. Can anyone help please? I want to do it as a charity event for sick children & wounded soldiers.
Title: Re: Story - Stage Script .... HELP!
Post by: 510bhan on February 19, 2011, 01:49:28 PM
Hi -I've opened the file - quite a few folks here are wary of opening files in case of viruses. Anyway it's under 2,000 words so I'm pasting it so others can see and perhaps be able to offer assistance. Good luck - hope people pop in and help you. ;) ;) ;)

A Family Beyond The Army – Scenes

Scene 1: Starts with Louise serving a sweet older customer & then has a “girly chat” with her colleagues. One of her colleagues Rebecca, convinced her to meet her for a drink at the local bar seeing as though it was a Friday night.

Scene 2: Louise decides from 3 outfits what to wear & heads off to the bar. Whilst there she received a text from Rebecca saying her sister was unwell so she had to watch her niece. As she was getting ready to leave, a handsome young man named John came up to her, bought her a drink & told her he was taking her out tomorrow night. They spent 2 hrs getting to know each other.

Scene 3: Louise tells the girls all about John & how he was taking her out tonight for a meal. They told her to wear her low cut dress & heels, and booked her in to get her nails done at the store’s beauty department.

Scene 4: A running scene based over 3 months. Walking hand in hand, dinner dates (at a table), he gives her gifts, them kissing …

Scene 5: Louise tells the girls she is falling in love with him, they start talking weddings, babies … They encourage her to ask the boss to get away early to surprise him, so she heads home.

Scene 6: John in Louise’ bed with a “popular” woman from the neighbourhood. As they are about to complete their love making, Louise arrives home & catches them. She throws a lamp at them & the woman scampers, and then Louise throws John and all his stuff out behind him. She lies down & cries.

Scene 7: 2 months later she’s gets a phone call while watching television. It’s Sarah, her friend, phoning to tell her she got engaged & tells her how her boyfriend Ben, had proposed on one knee at top of the Eiffel Tower. After she came off the phone she sat & thought … even though I’m happy for her, why can’t it be me?

Scene 8: 7 months later, on the morning of the wedding, she wakes with the sun shining in her eye. She had forgotten to set the alarm, as she had stuff to do so wasn’t happy she was late. She got some shopping, got her hair & nails done, got ready & left for the church.

Scene 9: It was a wee rural church. The ceremony went without a hitch but she had been unwilling distracted by someone else – the best man. He was gorgeous & she even got a wink & a smile off him. She walked to the reception thinking what to do about the best man. Really not ready for anything after being fooled by John.

Scene 10: Arrives at the reception & heads straight to the toilets to do up her make up. They go through the wedding party line up, and the best man, Scott, tells her he dance with her. She waits for 3 ½ hrs until he comes to dance with her.

Scene 11: (scene set - just them dancing in middle of the floor, in spotlight for a few moments, holding each other close then they sit down, chat & finally kiss and then depart)

Scene 12: She lays 4 sexy outfits out on the bed to decide on, she looks delightful as Scott takes her to the restaurant. They come home & enjoy a night of pleasure.

Scene 13: A running scene based over 9 months, trips back & forth to the barracks, meeting his parents, restaurants, romantic gestures (roses, chocs, flowers)

Scene 14: After a tense phone call, Scott comes up to tell Louise he’s being sent to serve in Iraq. They argue then make up. He leaves. Louise broken hearted.

Scene 15: A running scene of writing letters, meeting him arriving home, spending night in posh spa hotel, walks.

Scene 16: Louise not been well, visits doctor to be shocked – she was pregnant. Tells’ both sets of grand parents. Louise & both mums go to scan & she sends a copy of scan in beside his letter.

Scene 17: Set in compound in Iraq. Scott finishes tour of small town, arrives back at quarters & opens letter. Scott & buddies celebrate, then phones & wakes up Louise.

Scene 18: A running scene of Louise’ bump developing, her & her colleagues going baby shopping, Scott arriving home for birth.

Scene 19: Louise gives birth to baby boy with Scott at her side. He grudgingly returns to Iraq.

Scene 20: Raising baby James, returning to work after chat with the boss, separation hard to cope with, her parents look after her. Prepares to spend Christmas at her parents.

Scene 21: Ben turns up on xmas eve beaming a smile. Tells her Scott be home for tomorrow. She drops James off & races down to barracks after telling his parents. Waits with other family (scott & soldiers walk past in front of clear curtain to get on bus - walk up steps then out of site). Families run out to greet soldiers (who walk down steps half hidden at edge of stage), Scott steps down & Louise races to him. Head to his folks. (during final half of this scene The Soldiers sing Coming Home)

Scene 22: Big greeting, talks, invites parents to join them back home, go to bed (go out of site & turn stage lights off). (light back on) Scott joins his mum on stage to ask for granny’s ring to marry Louise with.

Scene 23: Arrives home, open’s xmas presents, have dinner. Scott thanks everyone for their support, then drops to knees, takes out granny’s ring & proposes to Louise. She says yes & celebrate.

Scene 24: Returns to front line duties. James goes to grandparents, Louise gets her department manager job back.

Scene 25: As Louise is chatting to a customer she sees her dad coming, sad face. He tells her about Scott. She traumatised – collapses. Go to staff room & explains the situation. Takes her home. Dad offers comforting words.

Scene 26: At home Scott’s parents arrive. Phone call from MOD explains what happened (at this point the scene cuts to the moment he got kidnapped.)

Scene 26 (a): Scott’s platoon were on patrol when they are ambushed, fire fight ensues & Scott is shot & kidnapped. They then tie him up and beat him profusely for information.

Scene 27: Louise puts phone down, tries to tell what MOD said but collapses in tears. After 1 ½ days, another MOD phone call … they’d rescued him alive. Tears of joy ring out.

Scene 28: As an organised rescue attempt was being made (split scene), Scott fights his attackers & frees himself. Rescuers burst in to find his near lifeless body in large pool of blood. Operated on at hospital at base then flown to hospital in Kuwait.

Scene 29: Louise & Scott’s mum arrive in Kuwait. Nurse show them to his room. Door opens & this cut, bleeding, bandaged & tubed lifeless body is seen on bed. She weeps & runs to his side. They declare their love & he loses consciousness.

Scene 30: After 35 days, & 2 more ops, he flew home to family. Emotional reunion. Receives letter informing him he was receiving a bravery award at Buckingham Palace. Before receiving award, he attends a service at his barracks to remember the fallen heroes. Louise upset & relieved Scott survived. Reassures her. Stands for minutes silence as names/pics of dead show on screen. (after they’re finished The Soldiers sing Great British Hero).

Scene 31: That xmas, reflecting on past, all family present, looking forward to the wedding. 

Scene 32: The Wedding. Then the final goodbye from actors. Curtain goes down & up twice, then Scott & Louise thank everyone & reveal the total of money raised for charity. Curtain goes down for final time.

Title: Re: Story - Stage Script .... HELP!
Post by: jl1883nn on February 19, 2011, 02:04:43 PM
Thank you. Oh by the way the Soldiers part is yet to be confirmed. I asked if they'd be interested but haven't heard back. Just thought I'd make that clear so that they don't start suing me.
Title: Re: Story - Stage Script .... HELP!
Post by: Maimi on February 22, 2011, 03:43:52 PM
Hello Jl1883nn,

I'm not ignoring you, it's just I'm learning the ropes on movies. Plays, like most things, are out of my league.

Good luck with this project. ;)
Title: Re: Story - Stage Script .... HELP!
Post by: Cyndith on February 23, 2011, 05:23:51 PM
I have only written a stage play and am now starting my first screenplay.  From a literature teacher I have, I learned that the best way to write is to find a screenplay similar in theme and tone and try to follow their format.  Use your characters, your story, your words and your directions, but model it after something that has already had some success. 

Good luck,

Title: Re: Story - Stage Script .... HELP!
Post by: Butterfly21 on February 27, 2011, 02:00:21 AM
I've read a few screenplays but no stage scripts or anything
this sounds good to me - the story that is
the one thing i find weird is

Scene 9: It was a wee rural church. The ceremony went without a hitch but she had been unwilling distracted by someone else – the best man. He was gorgeous & she even got a wink & a smile off him. She walked to the reception thinking what to do about the best man. Really not ready for anything after being fooled by John.

i don't reli get why she's not ready considering in scene 8 it says the wedding she's attending is 7 months later - i just don't get why she's still upset about that incident seem it was that long ago

but thats the only thing i have to say about it  :)

Title: Re: Story - Stage Script .... HELP!
Post by: Cyndith on March 01, 2011, 12:55:25 PM
I noticed that your subject line has this work-in-progress as a stageplay.  Do you intend for this to be performed on a stage or in a movie?  The reason why I ask is that stage plays are confined to one small space. It would be good to visit community playhouses to see how they work on such a small platform. 

The scenes you describe in your work seem to be a script for a movie because there are many scenes that cannot be performed on a stage or that would be a challenge to confine to a stage.

So, basically I would like to know if this will be a screenplay for a movie or a stage play for a stage?

Title: Re: Story - Stage Script .... HELP!
Post by: Kiryana on March 13, 2011, 09:24:00 PM
I see a good story coming from this. Not much I can say as I was more focused on the military aspect of it. Being I'm in the Army feel free to ask me any questions you may need advice on related to the military and their families. I've somewhat been in the position of most parts of the story. I've been through two combat tours in Iraq with twice sustaining injuries that sent me to the hospital for emergency care. The shock it has on your family when the sergeant from Washington calls to tell them you've been hurt and that he can't give them all the information because the breakdown in communication is horrible. There was actually a period of 5 hours my mom thought I had died in transit on the medical chopper that picked me up. So, any stories or experiences I can help you with to make this work feel free to let me know.